Writing Extract: The Mystery of The Talking Key

blue green glass eye MGD©

This week amongst other things I’ve been working on Ronovan Writes Haiku Prompt Challenge, which I’ll be posting on my blog soon. Here’s the link to his prompt in case you’d like to participate.  https://ronovanwrites.wordpress.com/category/haiku-prompt-challenge/

Ron’s prompt words Lock and Gab triggered a memory out of an attic, an attic that exists in my first novel, or should I say manuscript as it is currently unpublished. This getting published business isn’t easy. You don’t realise just how hard it is until you try yourself. I remember ages ago one of my fellow writers saying to me that she had sent out boxes and boxes of letters to publishers and agents and every single one had come back in the negative. Well in my case, I’ve sent out in the region of twenty enquiries. This isn’t nearly enough. I read somewhere that you have to query at least one hundred people. I know this is probably true but I hate rejections they eat into your soul.

So I’m sharing this small writing sample with you to get your valuable opinions.  This is from a chapter later on in my novel, when my main protagonist Amelina goes exploring trying to look for answers to the puzzle of her life. She steals a key, which leads her to discovering an attic room with a hidden away secret.

If you like it please do say, and if there are ways in which it can be improved do comment, I really would appreciate it so much. Thanks. x

A tiny shaft of light trickled in alighting on a far corner of the attic. Amelina moved towards the light carefully trying to avoid the obstacles in her way. Nearly twisting her ankle climbing over boxes, and old suitcases, she saw a light shining like a torch on to a delicate hook, where an object was dangling. She scrambled towards it and saw that it was a golden key.

As she grabbed the key she heard a strange noise, which sounded like a shrill voice recording with a constant playback sound. The voice became louder and more agitated as she made her way out of the attic.

“Put me back, thief,” the mechanical voice said. It babbled on, “I was enjoying the sunshine streaming in. Don’t you know how cold it can be in the attic? A bit of sunshine cheers me up. How would you like to be surrounded by unwanted things all day and every day?”

Amelina couldn’t believe that the key was talking to her. She did her best to ignore the ranting voice, and started to climb out of the attic, but her progress was slowed down by a sheer drop that suddenly appeared. There was a tiny ledge to the left of her with just enough room for one small foot. She knew that if she didn’t balance perfectly on that ledge she would fall down the steep steps, and it was a long way down.

 “You’ll get me into trouble you will. Bring me back thief!” shouted the voice.

Amelina ignored the voice. She edged herself out of the attic, poised her foot on the ledge, and balanced like a trapeze artiste before jumping to the step below. Her heart was still racing, adrenalin bubbling up to the surface in short gasps when she turned the key and opened the door.

The key groaned and sighed deeply, “You’ve done it now. There’s no turning back.”

© Marjorie Mallon 2015 – aka, Kyrosmagica. All Rights Reserved.


Thanks for stopping by. x

P.S. I found the mysterious puzzle image at the top of this post on MorgueFile free photos. http://www.morguefile.com/

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