Humour

COLLEEN’S WEEKLY #POETRY CHALLENGE # 40 – SUGAR & SPICE

Colleen’s prompt words this week are Sugar and Spice –  after her two cute Pomeranians:

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So with Sugar and Spice in mind I’d thought I’d introduce you to …

Zog, a little friend of mine who visited us recently. I thought Sugar and Spice might like to hear about this very cute doggy true life Tanka and Tale:

Zog The Gentleman Dog

 

I’d been in London for the day but knew Zog was coming to stay. What I didn’t approve of was that three rather naughty men, (including my husband,) where going to leave him alone in our house while they went off to the pub. Talk about men behaving badly! Humph…

Guess what? My daughter popped home and in his bid for freedom poor Zog rushed out the door and refused to come back in the house. Can you blame him? He must have thought his owner had abandoned him and he was now being re-housed with a strange new family! My daughter Georgina panicked, believing that Zog would do a runner. So she called me on my mobile, expecting me to miracle a solution in typical wonder mum fashion! I know this blog is often referred to by its original title: Kyrosmagica, (crystal magic) and I still like to think I have some magical skills but this was beyond my white witch capabilities!  I couldn’t jump off the train particularly as I now had a bunch of  fellow travellers who were now pretending not to listen to my frantic instructions to rescue Zog on my mobile phone! I had no chance of physically helping in the quest to save Zog from escaping, so Georgina called her boyfriend, who popped over, reassured Zog and convinced him to come back in. What a hero! By the time I arrived home poor Zog seemed much happier, and we all had fun taking him for a walk at separate intervals to keep him occupied.

When I had the dog-walking pleasure, I realised that:

  1. Dogs go crazy excited when you pick up their leads. And leap up your leg in a spectacular fashion (even if they are pretty small.) Their enthusiasm is kind of  infectious and enchanting. 
  2. He might look small and cute but he pulls at his lead like a maniac when he sees a cat or another dog! I had to show him who’s boss! 
  3. When do they ever pee or poo? This dog refused to do either? Perhaps the trauma of being away from his owner had caused him to be constipated, and unable to pee? Poor Zog, or maybe he was just being polite. Maybe he didn’t want to do so in view of us ladies! 

 ***

Later that same evening the rascals, (three men behaving badly,) came back from the pub. In, proud Zog fashion he turned his nose up at the idea of forgiving them! Moreover, he had nothing to do with his owner.  

By now, Georgina had disappeared – after the stress of nearly losing Zog  she needed some respite – besides teenagers are never in… so I became Zog’s new best friend. He followed me all around the house – I couldn’t even take a pee, or have a shower without him coming!

The next morning I opened the patio door to let him out – he was bursting to explore (or do a pee,) I’m not sure which. Later, I realised Zog had been on a mission. A very special mission. He came back with something in his mouth that he deposited on my kitchen floor. Being used to cat’s offerings – dead mice, decapitated mice, etc… I took a step back, somewhat alarmed, but I had no need to be. Zog’s mission had been to gift me a tiny flower, (a pretty weed,) – but in his eyes it must have been the finest specimen of his appreciation that he could find. Isn’t that so lovely? So Zog is my inspiration for my tanka today.

Here he is. Zog the Gentleman dog.

 

Zog The Gentleman Dog

Isn’t Zog so cute? What a sweet dog. I’m smitten!

Hope that Sugar and Spice enjoyed my special Tanka for them, Colleen.

To join in Colleen’s weekly poetry challenge, please follow the link: https://colleenchesebro.com/2017/07/04/colleens-weekly-poetry-challenge-40-sugar-spice/

Much love,

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My social media links:

Facebook: Authors/Bloggers Rainbow Support Club

Twitter: @Marjorie_Mallon
Twitter: @curseof_time

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Fellow Administrators of our Authors Bloggers Rainbow Support Club #ABRSC on Facebook, myself, my good friends Colleen Chesebro and Debby Gies. Click on Colleen’s and Debby’s photos to be directed to their awesome blogs. These ladies rock!

 

 

 

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Shadow Welcomes Lily the Cat to Kyrosmagica!!!!

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I wonder who that paw belongs to?  And that crystal…. I think it’s a Bloodstone… That can only mean that we have a visitor to Kyrosmagica. How exciting!

If you remember I interviewed my black cat character Shadow, (who plays an important role in my soon to be released YA fantasy novel The Curse of Time: The  Bloodstone,) recently on Kyrosmagica:

My Interview With Shadow, A Black Cat Character With A Past and dear Shadow (the fictional character in my book,) promised to ask Lily, ( a real cat, and supermodel!!!) over to Kyrosmagica for an interview date!

I know it sounds bonkers… but this is Kyrosmagica, and anything can happen here…. ANYTHING!

So Who is Lily?

Lily comes from a busy household of four cats: Charlie aka Madame La Princesse aka

Princess Charlotte Oddpaw, Lily Bee, Ting Tong Maccadangdang and Tooty

Michonne….Tooty and Lily are both black cats, Ting is Siamese and Charlie is

tabby………….

 

Marje: Tell us a little about the humans and the other cats that you live with Lily?

Lily: My human family are all right – I wish they’d learn to appreciate the mice and birds I bring them a little more, I put a lot of effort into those hunts!

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The other cats are all right, as far as cats go. It’s the 21st century though, and us felines have to adapt to living in a multi-cat household. Not always easy… apparently we also have a budgie that lives with us. I often hear him screaming but I’ve never seen him…hmm…wonder why…  

Marje: What is your temperament like? Are you an easy-going kind of feline? Or can you be a bit fierce?

Lily: I may be the smallest cat, but I think I’m the fiercest! And provided things go my way, then I’m wonderful to live with!

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Marje: Out of the cat siblings that live with you do you have a favourite?  Or do you all get along really well? Tell us about Ting, Charlie, Madame La Princesse, and Tooty.

Lily: Ting and Tooty are sisters and quite a bit younger than me, so I find them a bit immature, to be honest. Nice enough, but a bit dim, the pair of them. I used to get on better with Charlie when we were younger, but she was a bit of a bully, and can still be quite… princess-y… if you know what I mean!

Marje:  What do you think of my cat character Shadow? He thinks you’re gorgeous!

Lily: Shadow sounds intriguing…exciting… put it this way, I would definitely add his book to my collection! You may thank him for the compliment, by the way.

Marje:   Are you a home buddy or do you like to wander far? Do you have a perfect spot for a nap?

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Lily: We have quite a large garden, and a park behind us… sometimes on fine clear nights I wander further than I should and remember our wild ancestors…But mostly, I don’t go too far! The best spots for napping are generally on one of the beds, but I’m not fussy. Hey, I’ll sleep on the ironing board if I have to!

Marje:   What are you doing whilst contemplating on this slab? 

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Lily: Actually I’d just been told off for trying to catch one of the frogs that lives in the pond behind me in the picture… so I suppose you could say I’m sulking…

Marje:   Sometimes you look a bit thoughtful. I wonder what’s on your mind?

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Lily: Sometimes there are deep mysteries of the Universe that need pondering… sometimes I’m just wondering why Mother doesn’t realise none of us like chicken flavour catfood…

Marje:   What were you like as a kitten?  

Lily: Totally precious! Aren’t all kittens?

Marje: Are you enjoying modelling? Do your cat siblings get jealous? 

Lily: Ha ha! Oh yes, I’m enjoying the extra attention from the modelling! Charlie is always thought of as the “pretty” one of the family, so she’s quite jealous! She complained until our mother created an Instagram account that features lots of her pictures Samantha’s Instagram Account… Ting and Tooty don’t really understand the concept of social media… or blogs… or books.. or cameras… well, you see what I mean.

Marje:   Tell us a little about the crystals that your owner Samantha collects. And Buddha you seem to hang out with him sometimes… lol… J

Lily: I quite like the crystals our mother collects. Obsidian is pretty cool, it matches my fur, jade matches my eyes, and she did actually use pyrite to help when I hurt my paw. Yeah, Buddha’s all right – sometimes hanging out with him is the only way to get a decent conversation…

Lily with BuddhaMarje: Who is the most temperamental cat, and/or human in your household?

Lily: Most temperamental cat – without a doubt, Charlie. Definitely. She is such a princess… we have a catflap but she has to have the door opened specially for her, special beds in all the best places and when she’s in a temper she doesn’t care who she has a swipe at! Most temperamental human… we don’t really have any… they tend to know their place. Mother can be annoying, always picking me up… kissing me… brushing me… singing to me… hasn’t tried dressing any of us up yet though.

Marje:   What is your favourite pastime?

Lily: Well I do play chess – no! Sleeping, of course!

Marje:  Do you care for dogs? I hear your owner Samantha’s mum has a doggie…

Lily: My birth mother lived with three dogs and then my human mother actually had a little dog when I was younger. She’s since gone over the Rainbow Bridge, so yes, dogs, I don’t suppose I mind them. Couldn’t eat a whole one though…

Marje:   Are you mischievous, getting your paw prints on everything? 

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Lily: Not really, I just do what I have to do, and if that includes walking on the clean kitchen work surfaces , sitting in the bath with muddy paws, bringing in mice and birds – then so be it!

…………

A HUGE Thank you to Samantha and her son Alex Marlowe for their wonderful photos of Lily and for answering my questions!

I am so glad that  Gary @ Fiction is Food introduced me to Samantha. It has been absolutely wonderful collaborating with her. She is a true gem, just as sparkly and lovely as the crystals she collects. Do pop over to Samantha’s blog to see her beautiful cats and crystals: Samantha Murdoch Blog.

These are especially for Lily:

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Next, I will be interviewing my male character Ryder on my blog, (with some stunning photographs taken by my daughter,) so keep an eye out for that.

Bye for now from MJ…. This is my new nickname, and author initials…

 

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My social media hang outs:

Twitter: @marjorie_mallon
My New Facebook club: Authors/Bloggers Rainbow Support Club

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Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge # 33 – CLEAN & SHARP

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For this week’s poetry challenge Colleen has given us a tricky prompt – clean and sharp. Clean isn’t exactly my favourite word and neither is sharp! I suppose both of them coupled together conjure up moments in our household where my hubby gets a bit cross with me for spending so much time blogging and writing and so little time cleaning the house! Lol… I’ve never been terribly domesticated… Well, he knew that before he married me so surely he can’t complain…

So perhaps a little humour is the way to go…

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Ha ha! Better hide this blog post from my poor hubby… or I’ll be in trouble…

To join in with Colleen’s poetry challenge follow the link:

https://colleenchesebro.com/2017/05/09/colleens-weekly-poetry-challenge-33-clean-sharp/

Bye for now,

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My social media hang outs:
Twitter: @marjorie_mallon
My New Author Support Club: Authors/Bloggers Rainbow Support Club

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#10THINGSIHATE – Some funny, some deadly serious.

 

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Today I came across this tag on Instagram via author Grace Rose Thomas. #10thingsIhate. Normally like Grace I focus on things I love but sometimes it’s good to have a good old whinge. Here are my 10 things. In no particular order….
1. Rude and inconsiderate people. 😠Unnecessary don’t be rude or inconsiderate. I will tell you so! Late people who expect others to always be on time and then get stroppy when their friends are late! If you’re prone to being late why whine? Or folk who barge into you, stand on your toes, hit you with a metal implement and not apologise…
2.Bats. 😬Yes I’m scared of them. I run in the house at night if I see one. We live near a country park and they seem to like being near us… Me, I’m not so keen. That goes for snakes too, and various assortment of creepy crawlies.
3. Racism, bigotry of any kind. 😰We’re all human – treat folks as you’d like to be treated.Be kind. Be fair.
4. Dog mess.😒 💩If your dog messes pick it up!
5. Picking your nose whilst driving and then eating it…. 😱One time I saw someone doing this – we were in the car behind. It was an unpleasant sight. Still scarred…
6. People who make promises to invite you over for a fabulous meal 🤤but never intend what they say. 😶Say what you mean or keep it to yourself. I love my food 😍so this really hurts!
7. Insomnia. 💤😴I’ve suffered with this on and off for most of my life. It’s bad at the moment as I am overexcited… too much going on in my life. Can’t stay asleep. Woke up at 5am this morning! Very hyper…
8. Unhelpful folk. 😖Why? This I don’t understand. That’s why I set up The Authors/Bloggers Rainbow Support group because I like to help and support others. More about that below. We’re all in this together. On your own you’re invisible in a team you’re powerful. 🙂
9. People who can reverse well. 😝I am rubbish at parking. So jealous. Perhaps in my next life… Oh, and I forgot to say drink drivers… This is serious. Don’t drink and drive.
10. I don’t really hate no. 10 but it makes me sad. 😞People who give up. I’ve come across cases were talented writers get knock backs and pack it in. Keep on trying, that’s my motto. I’ve had lots of knock backs but that’s not going to stop me! Yes, I’m stubborn that way.

What are your ten things? Or if you want to turn it on its head and tell us the ten things you love that would be awesome too. I’ll do that next time to show that I’m not a complete whinge! 🤣😆😜😝😛

Bye for now,

 

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If you’d like to join Team Awesome, a club for bloggers, bookish souls, and authors do get in touch we hang out on Facebook here:

Member Page: Authors/Bloggers Rainbow Support Club

and we have a general information page here too:

Join The Book Love Team at Bloggers/Authors Rainbow Support Club

Don’t be shy, join this supportive, friendly club. x

Happy Easter!!!

Happy Easter

Wishing you all a very Happy Easter.

I’m still on a bit of a blogging break until my eldest daughter returns to University so will be somewhat scarce in blogging land.

I had a wonderful holiday up in Edinburgh but it was all too short…

Here are some of my photos:

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That’s one of me and my daughter Georgina before I had my lunch…. I tend to shrink when I’m hungry! We were at a very nice restaurant called The Railbridge Bistro in South Queensferry which overlooks the bridges and has haggis on the menu!

And here’s my lovely mum and dad… Missing them…

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My dad hates the cold, and though the view at South Queensferry is amazing it was bitterly chilly… My mum looks okay, in fact she dares to look a bit amused but poor dad…

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Since I’ve been back in Cambridge, I’ve had a lovely time with my eldest daughter who is visiting from University.

Recently we went out to a cafe in Cambridge…

And she approved of my photo…  The drink looks like some sort of Dr Who concoction but I believe it is a green tea matcha. Oh, by the way did you see the Dr Who episode last night? If you did I bet you didn’t dare have a shower or bath before bedtime. I love it when Dr Who gets all scary!

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Then, there’s me all dressed up as I had work afterwards. Recently, I started working part-time at Ann Summers – which is a strangest job I have ever had! It’s a bit like marmite some days I love it, some days I hate it! Ha ha…. It’s a tricky one for an introvert with extrovert tendencies. Anyway, that plate in front of me is the remains of a very tasty Orange and Polenta cake that we shared at Espresso Library cafe in Cambridge.

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Before I go let me say a big thank you to all the contributors to my Facebook Rainbow Support Club in my absence.

Here are just some of the wonderful links that have appeared:

http://marshajustwrites.com/accidental-tourist/

https://dgkayewriter.com/who-has-a-new-book-the-swamp-fairy-colleen-cheseboro/

http://allanhudson.blogspot.co.uk/2017/04/4q-interview-and-excerpt-with-guest.html

https://steviet3.wordpress.com/2017/04/13/friday-roundup-on-a-thursday-13th-april/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/04/15/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-book-reading-and-interview-d-g-kaye/

https://jennyinneverland.com/2017/04/14/bloggers-revealed/

https://scvincent.com/2017/04/12/guest-author-sarah-brentyn-where-i-spin-self-doubt-into-a-post/

https://scvincent.com/2017/04/14/guest-author-d-wallace-peach-room-to-breathe/

All the contributors have done a fabulous job of making the page a fantastic resource of information, help, and collaboration for fellow writers/bloggers.

Do pop over to the club page and take a look, and come give the club some love: Authors/Bloggers Rainbow Support Club.

If you’d like to join the club please do message myself either in the comment below or contact me on my email marjma2014@gmail.com, or chat about it with Colleen Chesebro or Debby Gies, my two fabulous blogging buddies who administer the running of the club with me.

All the best for a lovely Easter.

Do pop over to my Instagram page to see the rest of my photos: My Instagram

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Pert bums, Make up, Fake Tan and Hair extensions

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Here’s my take on Colleen’s #WQWWC writing challenge. The theme this week is:  Rebirth. Silver Threading WQW: Rebirth

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‘Once you reach a certain age you’re either slowly dying or slowly being reborn. I want to choose the latter.’ Marianne Williamson.

‘Marianne Williamson is an internationally acclaimed spiritual author and lecturer’:  Marianne Williamson’s website

Marianne Williamson’s quote sums up how I feel about it too. The older I get the more I want to go on an adventure! There is nothing that I want to do more than to write, to explore a new landscape of my dreams, to be reborn as a Bloggers Basher and have fun!! Just in case you have no idea what I’m talking about and think this is some new sort of cult, here’s the link to my post about the Bloggers Bash in London on the 11th of June: My Take on The Bloggers Bash

Now, a few people have mentioned that they are suffering from a touch of the Blogger’s Bash blues after the event, so this is for us BB bloggers, and anyone who is or has ever experienced a touch of the blues ….to try to cheer us up with a bit of a giggle…. ENJOY!

I love to eavesdrop. It’s a compulsory and addictive occupation if you’re a writer. Trains are great for this. On the way to the Blogger’s Bash on Saturday I just couldn’t help myself. The  urge came over me to tune in. It was desperate. I tried to stop but it just wasn’t possible. The train was very crowded. There wasn’t a seat available for me to plant my derriere so I surrendered to my deep-seated curiosity. Two young men were standing next to me. Inevitably their conversation touched on the topic of girls, and then veered in an unexpected, and ahem… amusing direction.

NOTE: This is a bit of a departure from my usual children’s writing!! It’s good to try new ideas… I had so much fun writing this!

(The speech below is of course my embellished version of events …..!!!)

Pert Bums, Make up, Fake Tan, and Hair Extensions.

‘Jenny’s pretty.’

‘Yeah but she’s all make up, fake tan, and hair extensions.’

‘Got a fit body though.’

‘Can’t argue with that.. hope it’s real. Real or not, the thought of her makes me tingle…’

‘Calm down mate… sounds like you’ve got too much of that testosterone buzzing round your body… Have you … oh can’t say that …. I’ll get nicked for indecent behaviour …’

‘Ha Ha! That would be so like you… ‘

‘True, you got me!… Let’s leave the coppers for now..the very thought of them makes me sweat…. even though I’m innocent..  I swear. Let’s keep this on the straight and narrow. Been to the gym recently, released the T word?’

‘T word.. oh not a cuppa, you mean a tipple of Testosterone? No. No gym, no footie, nothing, none of the other, either!’

‘No wonder you’re bloody drooling mate.’

‘I’m panting!’

‘You better get on top of it, tame it, work it out, and, um… I hate to say this mate but something dear to you,  is holding you back.’

‘What’s that?’

‘Your behind,derrière, bum, butt, buttocks! It’s em… how do I say this? It’s not quite what it used to be.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Your posterior used to be pretty pert!’

There’s a moment’s silence….

‘You got me there.. It did didn’t it? It was well toned, and admired,’ he laughed, ommiting a half laugh, turning round to observe his once firm bum.

‘A cracker of a bum… your cheeks made me giddy with jealousy!’

‘Ah…. that’s tragic. My bum’s lost its way .. You’re right I better get down to that gym super pronto, or my ass fan club will be a forgotten fiction!’

A wistful expression lingered on his face. His mate gave him a sympathetic look. With those parting words they left the train. Leaving behind a captivated audience that longed for more..

© Marjorie Mallon 2016 – aka, Kyrosmagica. All Rights Reserved.

Sigh.. my entertainment ended. This was far better than any soap opera. Lots of seats became available and I sat down, planting my posterior down. I brushed my hair, and applied a bit of lipstick, no fake tan, or hair extensions, I’d like to add. Oh well.. I was still on my way to the Bloggers Bash, lots more excitement and fun to come!

What I find so amusing about this extraordinary experience is the openness with which these two young men spoke. Were they discussing this in public for attention? Were they just having a laugh? Let’s consider the reactions that they received. No one on the train laughed, or openly smiled. Talk about stiff upper lip. We were all holding it in, squeezing our toned bums even though no doubt a little smile was playing on our lips. Perhaps we had a little twinkle in our eyes. But no one said a word. Instead each and every one of us had a bit of a silent giggle. Well I did anyway..!

Have you ever heard an amusing or astonishing conversation while travelling?

If you have I’d love to hear all about it. Go on… admit it I bet you love to eavesdrop too!

Have a lovely day, keep smiling..

Just finishing with my new Bitmoji hope you like it!

 

Bye for now,

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Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

 

My fun (totally not serious but nevertheless 90% true,) author bio on Wattpad – Link below.

Marjorie Mallon was born in Lion City: Singapore. She grew up in a mountainous court in Hong Kong. Her crazy parents dragged her  spotty soul away from her exotic childhood and her much loved dog Topsy to the frozen wastelands of Scotland. There she mastered Scottish country dancing, haggis bashing, bagpipe playing and a whole new Och Aye lingo. 
As a teenager she travelled to many far flung destinations to visit her abacus wielding wayfarer dad. On one such occasion a  barracuda swam by. It stopped to view her  bikini clad body, longing to take a big bite. With dogs' fangs replacing barracudas' teeth, she returned to her mother's birthplace: Kuching, Cat City. There, Blackie, a black-hearted dog sniffed her frightened butt, whimpered and ran away! Shortly after this extraordinary event an angry female Orang-Utan chased her unfit ass out of the Malaysian jungle believing that she was a threat to her babies! She still monkeys about, would love to own a cat, or a replacement Topsy but refuses to entertain  murderous dogs, or over-protective monkeys.
It's rumoured that she lives in the Venice of Cambridge, with her six foot hunk of a Rock God husband, and her two enchanted daughters. 
After such an upbringing her author's mind has taken total leave of its senses. When she's not writing, she eats exotic delicacies while belly dancing, or surfs to the far reaches of the moon. To chill out she practises Tai Chi and Yoga on the crest of a wave. If the mood takes her she goes snorkelling with mermaids, or signs up for idyllic holidays with the Chinese Unicorn, whose magnificent voice sings like a thousand wind chimes. 

She is a child of the light and the dark. Her motto is simply this: Do what you love,  stay true to your heart's desires, remain young at heart, and  inspire others to do so, even if it appears that the odds are stacked like black hearted shadows against you...

 

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Ronovan Write’s Haiku Challenge: Rein and Quest

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I have to say I was struggling with Ron’s prompt words this week: rein and quest… until I began cooking the dinner. I asked my daughters what they’d like to have with their chicken and they said skinny chips. So I thought no problem, just bought them today, they’ll be in the freezer. WRONG!! Could I find those skinny chips anywhere …. no I couldn’t, somehow I’d misplaced them, they were so skinny that they’d vanished, evaporated into thin air. Along with my evidence – my grocery receipt- had I bought them at all or had it just been a wicked figment of my imagination?  Who knows. Anyway, to cut a long story short I had to find an alternative. Of course there were big fat chips, potato croquettes, and two healthier options: new and sweet potatoes in the fridge. In other words every combination of potato known to man was present and correct apart from the much desired skinny fries! I suppose I could have made some triple fried chips… what on earth, maybe not. So as a consolation, I chopped up the sweet potatoes and added some herbs and a touch of olive oil. Much more healthy! So our quest for skinny chips became a quest for healthy eating,  with the added bonus of a salad too!! Luckily no one complained, everyone loves sweet potato chips.

So here’s my haiku with that in mind:

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Photo courtesy of Freepik: Freepik.com

 

Sweet Tatty Fries!!

Rein it in darlings,

Quit that quest for skinny chips,

A ‘Triple fried’ please!

 

Mum’s lost the chip plot,

Rein in your greedy tummies,

Quest: sweet tatty fries!

 

© Marjorie Mallon 2016 – aka, Kyrosmagica. All Rights Reserved.

 

Do pop over to Ronovan’s blog to join in the haiku fun:

Ronovan Writes Haiku Challenge-98- Rein and Quest

 

I’m currently reading – Amber Wake Gabriel Falling, oh I do love a pirate adventure… how exciting, more about that soon …. review to follow…. perhaps it might have been our pirate captain who stole my skinny fries… maybe Ronovan will have an angle on that? I hope I won’t have to make him walk the Kyrosmagica plank for his misdoings!
Amber Wake

 

Hope you enjoyed my haiku.. keep on smiling pirates!!  It’s Friday tomorrow, doesn’t that sound good? Oh dear do take care watch you don’t succumb to too many glasses of vino…. or you might hear man overboard!

 

Bye for now,

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Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

 

My fun (totally not serious but nevertheless 90% true,) author bio on Wattpad – Link below.

Marjorie Mallon was born in Lion City: Singapore. She grew up in a mountainous court in Hong Kong. Her crazy parents dragged her  spotty soul away from her exotic childhood and her much loved dog Topsy to the frozen wastelands of Scotland. There she mastered Scottish country dancing, haggis bashing, bagpipe playing and a whole new Och Aye lingo. 
As a teenager she travelled to many far flung destinations to visit her abacus wielding wayfarer dad. On one such occasion a  barracuda swam by. It stopped to view her  bikini clad body, longing to take a big bite. With dogs' fangs replacing barracudas' teeth, she returned to her mother's birthplace: Kuching, Cat City. There, Blackie, a black-hearted dog sniffed her frightened butt, whimpered and ran away! Shortly after this extraordinary event an angry female Orang-Utan chased her unfit ass out of the Malaysian jungle believing that she was a threat to her babies! She still monkeys about, would love to own a cat, or a replacement Topsy but refuses to entertain  murderous dogs, or over-protective monkeys.
It's rumoured that she lives in the Venice of Cambridge, with her six foot hunk of a Rock God husband, and her two enchanted daughters. 
After such an upbringing her author's mind has taken total leave of its senses. When she's not writing, she eats exotic delicacies while belly dancing, or surfs to the far reaches of the moon. To chill out she practises Tai Chi and Yoga on the crest of a wave. If the mood takes her she goes snorkelling with mermaids, or signs up for idyllic holidays with the Chinese Unicorn, whose magnificent voice sings like a thousand wind chimes. 

She is a child of the light and the dark. Her motto is simply this: Do what you love,  stay true to your heart's desires, remain young at heart, and  inspire others to do so, even if it appears that the odds are stacked like black hearted shadows against you...

 

My Links: 

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#SoCS: Stream of Consciousness Saturday: Break/Brake

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Today I’m joining in a new link up for me – Linda Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday. In her words: ‘Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “brake/break.” Use one, use them both, but whatever you do, enjoy!’ Here’s the link to join in: Linda Hill

Ritu from But I Smile Anyway and I were having a blogging chat about our kids exam nerves so that got me thinking that I’d like to write a post and a poem about that…The prompt words sounded pretty relevant to how I’m feeling at the moment. My youngest is going through her GCSE’s and this is such a trying time for her (and me!) as she suffers from exam anxiety. This dates back to her doing her SAT’s. She works so hard, and often I have to tell her to have a break! Well the upshot of this is she is well and truly exhausted and been pretty ill this morning at 6 am. So she needs to press on the brake a bit, slow down, focus less on the exam emotions regarding the exam she has just sat, and concentrate on getting ready and rested for the next one.

So with her in mind and all students taking exams at the moment here is a little GOOD LUCK poem with a crazy touch of humour to cheer you all up:

 

The Poor Invigilator Needs A Defibrilator

 

Factor in a break, a well-earned rest,

Press that brake pedal,

Breathe….. It helps to..

Fill your lungs as you count,

Whatever you do don’t vomit it out!

 

Can you imagine the mess you’d make?

The half-filled exam paper covered in puke,

Poor invigilator’s face turning stony,

Pulse weak, he’s having a bald-headed fit,

‘At least no one’s died,’ whispers some bright git.

 

Press that brake pedal,

Take a big breath in,

And let it all out,

Don’t rip the exam paper to shreds,

Heads turning as you run out for meds.

 

Press that brake pedal,

Take a big breath in,

And let it all out,

Don’t turn as white as a sheet,

Tip over your chair, and fall at the invigi’s feet.

 

Press that brake pedal,

Take a big breath in,

And let it all out,

Don’t pick that juicy zit,

Splattering blood all over your exam script.

 

Press that brake pedal,

Take a big breath in,

And let it all out,

Whatever you do don’t run out the door.

The poor invigilator might need a defibrillator.

 

Press that brake pedal,

Take a big breath in,

And let it all out,

Pray for the invigilator!! It’s time to believe,

Breathe, Break, Brake, Blast that paper….ACHIEVE!

 

Show those teachers at school,

Your mum and your dad,

That pesky invigilator,

Your kitty, your dog, the stuffed bear,

Those wonky exam tables and chairs.

 

Show ‘em a thing or two…

Shuffle those D’s to C’s, C’s to B’s,

B’s to A’s A’s to A* s, shuffle them all.

The good and the bad and the ugly too!

Breathe, break, brake… you can do it! ATISHOO!!

 

© Marjorie Mallon 2016 – aka, Kyrosmagica. All Rights Reserved.

 

GOOD LUCK in your exams.

Do feel free to comment in the link below. Do you suffer with exam anxiety? If you do are there any things you find helpful to cope? I’d love to hear your tips..

 

Bye for now,

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Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

 

 

My Links: 

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#MondayBlogs: (Totally Not Serious) Author Bio Generator

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I discovered this Totally Not Serious Author Bio Generator via Helen at Journey to Ambeth, and as I like a giggle I thought I’d have a go and share it for Rachel Thompson’s ,#MondayBlogs.

See if you’d like to try it out –  the more crazy and humorous the better! Her link is at the end of the post – so do visit her blog to congratulate her on coming up with this awesome idea. By the way I’m currently reading Helen’s book Oak and Mist and will be reviewing that soon, so do keep an eye out for that.

Just fill in the blanks!!!!!

(your name) was born (time, place) and grew up in (place, dimension etc) learning to (do something odd). They left (your birthplace) for (a far flung destination) where they (did something amazing). (your name) now lives in (somewhere fabulous and unusual) with their (living companions). When not writing bestselling novels, (your name) likes to (do some sort of unusual and creative hobby).

I kind of got a bit carried away with mine, it started off as a short paragraph and grew….. into a mini story… I really enjoyed this! This is about 90% true,  ha ha…… I had an unusual childhood!

My Funny Author Bio:

 

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Marjorie Mallon was born many moons ago in the Mount Alvernia Hospital in Singapore, otherwise known as The Lion City.  She grew up in a high rise heaven scraper in a mountainous court in Hong Kong.

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Her Far East stint was cut short by her crazy parents who decided that the relentless humidity, fabulous food, and endless parties were too much to bear.  They dragged her spotty soul to the frozen wasteland of Scotland. Kicking and screaming she left her exotic childhood and her much loved dog Topsy too. Relentless tears and a posh attaché briefcase made this girl a target for primary school bullies. In this new regime she was duty bound to master Scottish country dancing, haggis bashing, farting, bagpipe playing and a whole new Och Aye lingo. Some say that this Scottish coming of age convert heard tell of the root of all evil: the thing that lives in hiding beyond the ken of the kilted sporran!

As a teenager she travelled to many far flung destinations to visit her abacus wielding wayfarer dad Ronald. On one such occasion steel bands were playing Calypso music. A silver barracuda swam by. It viewed her snorkelling bikini clad body, longing to take a big bite. This began a pattern that has continued to this day. With dogs’ fangs replacing barracudas’ teeth, she returned to her mother’s birthplace, Kuching, otherwise known as cat city. Her friendly Malaysian relatives introduced her to a ferocious dog called Blackie who sniffed her frightened butt. She must have smelt pretty terrible -it was a scorcher of a day – poor Blackie whimpered and ran away! It didn’t end there……more animals became a feature of her adult life. Notably an angry female Orang-Utan chased her unfit ass out of the Malaysian jungle believing that she was a threat to her babies!

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She still monkeys about as much as possible, would love to own a cat, or a replacement Topsy but refuses to entertain any murderous dogs, knife wielding maniacs, or over-protective monkeys.

It’s rumoured that she lives in the calm punting Venice of Cambridge, with a six foot hunk of a Rock God husband, and two enchanted daughters. These youthful babes are often seen surfing the country park lake before the soul stealing trees awaken.

Of course after such an insane upbringing her author’s mind has taken complete and utter leave of its senses and she now lives in a fantasy world where her family and complete strangers pay her millions to write all day and every day. When she’s not writing bestselling novels, she likes to eat exotic delicacies while belly dancing, and surfs to the far reaches of the moon to keep her abs trim. To chill out she practises Tai Chi and Yoga on the crest of a wave. If the adventurous mood takes her she goes snorkelling with mermaids, or signs up for idyllic holidays with Ch’i lin (or K’i lin), the Chinese Unicorn. This mythical creature radiates a myriad of extraordinary colours, and has a voice that sings like a thousand wind chimes.

She is a child of the light and the dark. Her motto is simply this: Do what you love,  stay true to your heart’s desires, remain as young at heart as you can – and  inspire others to do so too, even if it appears that the odds are stacked like black hearted shadows against you…

 

I loved writing this!!! It was such fun……Do have a go and don’t forget to link it back to Helen’s original post:   Helen’s Link 

Can you guess what’s true and what I’ve made up or embellished?

Bye for now,

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Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

My Links: 

Wattpad

Goodreads

Instagram

Twitter

Facebook

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#ThursdayDoors: A Church Door before the Dentist!

For #ThursdayDoors:

Here’s a tiled image of a door I found in my neighbouring village Histon – it’s the door of Histon Baptist Church on Station Road.

It never ceases to amaze me where you find a door. This one was on the way to the Dentist! I was just about to go for a scale and polish and there she was shouting out for me to photograph her! Isn’t she a beauty?

Here she is in a bigger individual photo – all red and shiny, no don’t worry -it’s not my mouth…

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Anyway, the dental hygienist did a fantastic job. It didn’t hurt much at all, but I did get quite drenched… no not the rain… the device to clean my teeth was pretty full on!

If you’d like to join in the #ThursdayDoors fun here’s the link up to Norm’s blog: Norm’s Thursday Doors.

Thursday Doors is a weekly feature allowing door lovers to come together to admire and share their favorite door photos from around the world. Feel free to join in on the fun by creating your own Thursday Doors post each week and then sharing it, between Thursday morning and Saturday noon (North American eastern time), by using the blue link-up button on Norm’s blog. 

Oh, and I just found this for Thursday Doors enthusiasts: door_embassy on Instagram: Door Embassy

Hope you enjoyed my #ThursdayDoors post.. I wonder where I’ll find my next door…

Bye for now,

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Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

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