Pert bums, Make up, Fake Tan and Hair extensions

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Here’s my take on Colleen’s #WQWWC writing challenge. The theme this week is:  Rebirth. Silver Threading WQW: Rebirth

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‘Once you reach a certain age you’re either slowly dying or slowly being reborn. I want to choose the latter.’ Marianne Williamson.

‘Marianne Williamson is an internationally acclaimed spiritual author and lecturer’:  Marianne Williamson’s website

Marianne Williamson’s quote sums up how I feel about it too. The older I get the more I want to go on an adventure! There is nothing that I want to do more than to write, to explore a new landscape of my dreams, to be reborn as a Bloggers Basher and have fun!! Just in case you have no idea what I’m talking about and think this is some new sort of cult, here’s the link to my post about the Bloggers Bash in London on the 11th of June: My Take on The Bloggers Bash

Now, a few people have mentioned that they are suffering from a touch of the Blogger’s Bash blues after the event, so this is for us BB bloggers, and anyone who is or has ever experienced a touch of the blues ….to try to cheer us up with a bit of a giggle…. ENJOY!

I love to eavesdrop. It’s a compulsory and addictive occupation if you’re a writer. Trains are great for this. On the way to the Blogger’s Bash on Saturday I just couldn’t help myself. The  urge came over me to tune in. It was desperate. I tried to stop but it just wasn’t possible. The train was very crowded. There wasn’t a seat available for me to plant my derriere so I surrendered to my deep-seated curiosity. Two young men were standing next to me. Inevitably their conversation touched on the topic of girls, and then veered in an unexpected, and ahem… amusing direction.

NOTE: This is a bit of a departure from my usual children’s writing!! It’s good to try new ideas… I had so much fun writing this!

(The speech below is of course my embellished version of events …..!!!)

Pert Bums, Make up, Fake Tan, and Hair Extensions.

‘Jenny’s pretty.’

‘Yeah but she’s all make up, fake tan, and hair extensions.’

‘Got a fit body though.’

‘Can’t argue with that.. hope it’s real. Real or not, the thought of her makes me tingle…’

‘Calm down mate… sounds like you’ve got too much of that testosterone buzzing round your body… Have you … oh can’t say that …. I’ll get nicked for indecent behaviour …’

‘Ha Ha! That would be so like you… ‘

‘True, you got me!… Let’s leave the coppers for now..the very thought of them makes me sweat…. even though I’m innocent..  I swear. Let’s keep this on the straight and narrow. Been to the gym recently, released the T word?’

‘T word.. oh not a cuppa, you mean a tipple of Testosterone? No. No gym, no footie, nothing, none of the other, either!’

‘No wonder you’re bloody drooling mate.’

‘I’m panting!’

‘You better get on top of it, tame it, work it out, and, um… I hate to say this mate but something dear to you,  is holding you back.’

‘What’s that?’

‘Your behind,derrière, bum, butt, buttocks! It’s em… how do I say this? It’s not quite what it used to be.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Your posterior used to be pretty pert!’

There’s a moment’s silence….

‘You got me there.. It did didn’t it? It was well toned, and admired,’ he laughed, ommiting a half laugh, turning round to observe his once firm bum.

‘A cracker of a bum… your cheeks made me giddy with jealousy!’

‘Ah…. that’s tragic. My bum’s lost its way .. You’re right I better get down to that gym super pronto, or my ass fan club will be a forgotten fiction!’

A wistful expression lingered on his face. His mate gave him a sympathetic look. With those parting words they left the train. Leaving behind a captivated audience that longed for more..

© Marjorie Mallon 2016 – aka, Kyrosmagica. All Rights Reserved.

Sigh.. my entertainment ended. This was far better than any soap opera. Lots of seats became available and I sat down, planting my posterior down. I brushed my hair, and applied a bit of lipstick, no fake tan, or hair extensions, I’d like to add. Oh well.. I was still on my way to the Bloggers Bash, lots more excitement and fun to come!

What I find so amusing about this extraordinary experience is the openness with which these two young men spoke. Were they discussing this in public for attention? Were they just having a laugh? Let’s consider the reactions that they received. No one on the train laughed, or openly smiled. Talk about stiff upper lip. We were all holding it in, squeezing our toned bums even though no doubt a little smile was playing on our lips. Perhaps we had a little twinkle in our eyes. But no one said a word. Instead each and every one of us had a bit of a silent giggle. Well I did anyway..!

Have you ever heard an amusing or astonishing conversation while travelling?

If you have I’d love to hear all about it. Go on… admit it I bet you love to eavesdrop too!

Have a lovely day, keep smiling..

Just finishing with my new Bitmoji hope you like it!

 

Bye for now,

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Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

 

My fun (totally not serious but nevertheless 90% true,) author bio on Wattpad – Link below.

Marjorie Mallon was born in Lion City: Singapore. She grew up in a mountainous court in Hong Kong. Her crazy parents dragged her  spotty soul away from her exotic childhood and her much loved dog Topsy to the frozen wastelands of Scotland. There she mastered Scottish country dancing, haggis bashing, bagpipe playing and a whole new Och Aye lingo. 
As a teenager she travelled to many far flung destinations to visit her abacus wielding wayfarer dad. On one such occasion a  barracuda swam by. It stopped to view her  bikini clad body, longing to take a big bite. With dogs' fangs replacing barracudas' teeth, she returned to her mother's birthplace: Kuching, Cat City. There, Blackie, a black-hearted dog sniffed her frightened butt, whimpered and ran away! Shortly after this extraordinary event an angry female Orang-Utan chased her unfit ass out of the Malaysian jungle believing that she was a threat to her babies! She still monkeys about, would love to own a cat, or a replacement Topsy but refuses to entertain  murderous dogs, or over-protective monkeys.
It's rumoured that she lives in the Venice of Cambridge, with her six foot hunk of a Rock God husband, and her two enchanted daughters. 
After such an upbringing her author's mind has taken total leave of its senses. When she's not writing, she eats exotic delicacies while belly dancing, or surfs to the far reaches of the moon. To chill out she practises Tai Chi and Yoga on the crest of a wave. If the mood takes her she goes snorkelling with mermaids, or signs up for idyllic holidays with the Chinese Unicorn, whose magnificent voice sings like a thousand wind chimes. 

She is a child of the light and the dark. Her motto is simply this: Do what you love,  stay true to your heart's desires, remain young at heart, and  inspire others to do so, even if it appears that the odds are stacked like black hearted shadows against you...

 

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Hunger games: Cat’s play, Gym babe.

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It’s coming to the end of my ten LA Fitness sessions, via Groupon. Has it made any difference? Yes I think I’ve noticed a few positive aspects, one I seem to be walking faster, two I have more energy, and three I do believe I may be losing a bit of weight. Hip Hip Hoorah. Though this could be due to my enforced diet, aka Gallbladder problem. Am I fit enough to survive in a Hunger Games scenario? No. Definitely not. But it’s a start, and a start is better than nothing. Anyway I don’t have the killer instinct to survive for more than a second in the Hunger Games. I’m a pussy cat, the best I could do would be a scratch, and a hiss, and a bit of feline stretching, that’s it.

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I’m quite proud of my multi tasking. On the way to the gym, I read, and make notes on the bus. I must look like this nerdy book person. Well that’s ok because I suppose I fit that description quite well. Today I was reading Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell. I was so engrossed, Eleanor and Park is just cute, CUTE, C-U-T-E, C – U – T – E, and for that half an hour I felt I had been transported back to the late 1980’s. Yes I remember The Smiths, Joy Division, Miami Vice. It brought back a flood of memories. It was wonderful, so wonderful that I nearly missed my stop. Fortunately I looked up and had this panicky moment when you kind of don’t know where you are and think that you’re way beyond where you should be, but it was ok, I hadn’t missed my stop. If I had missed it that would have been a nuisance as the next stop is the hospital and I didn’t fancy going there. I went there last week for a scan, upper abdomen – yes gallbladder issue. So there’s no way I fancied ending up there again. No. Once was enough. It was messy, gel all over my tummy. While I was lying there I had a bit of a nostalgic moment. The last time I had gel over my tummy I was pregnant and that was a long time ago. Happy times, funny how these kind of things bring back all sorts of memories.

Anyway, getting back to my gym session, I did my workout, ended up in the pool. It was busy, very busy, not surprising really when you consider that today is a bank holiday. So I had to avoid the other swimmers. Tricky. There was definitely this ripple effect. Too many bodies, the water was getting out of control. I prefer it when it’s quiet. Though I like the sauna and steam room when they’re busy as it’s great for eavesdropping. Yes, I admit it, I’m a terrible eavesdropper. I think it is almost compulsory if you’re a writer. You just can’t help yourself. It’s amazing what people will say in such an enclosed space, especially considering that they know that there’s just no way that people aren’t listening in. So I think it’s fair dues to blog about it. One time I was in a sauna, and these two men were chatting, confessing. One of them was admitting that he used to go to the gym without paying – not LA Fitness – I hasten to add, but some other gym. He kept doing it until he found God. Then he stopped. From this point on the conversation changed. God was mentioned a lot. A heap of a lot. I almost felt like he was in there with us in the sauna, purifying our sins with the sauna heat. Well the heat got too much for me, so I had to go. I left those two guys praising God, in the sauna. It reminded me of a comedy sketch. It was just so bizarre. I hope this doesn’t offend anybody, I’m not religious myself, but I do believe in respect, respect for other people’s views. So if I’ve offended anyone, I apologise.

Let’s see, what was I talking about, oh yes, waves. The waves reminded me of a story my dad told me, another swimming pool tale. He used to go to Portobello baths when he was a young lad. I expect there might have been a sign like this one:

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Does anyone pay attention to those signs. I doubt it! They had a wave machine. He loved it. The waves would bounce him around and he had an excuse to collide with all the pretty girls! The girls pretended they needed saving and well he was happy to oblige. He played the part of a life guard. He hasn’t changed much, he still appreciates the ladies, nowadays at the age of eighty-five he gets a kiss at the end of his golf matches! My mum knows, she indulges him. Good on him, I say, why not. Life is too short not to enjoy it. Believe me.

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Photos – Google images.

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