The Bloggers Bash 2018 #winning #blogs #shortstory #news #photographs #bloggersbash #humour #funny #confession #blogging

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I’m absolutely thrilled to say that I won first prize in The Bloggers Bash Blog Post writing competition 2018 with my winning short story – The Queen’s Dress Down Day! https://mjmallon.com/2018/03/21/the-bloggers-bash-blog-post-competition-2018-the-queens-dress-down-day/

Yeah!!!

It was such an unexpected but lovely surprise. To say I was gobsmacked is an understatement! I’m sure I blubbered a whole lot of nonsense when I went up on stage to accept my award… talk about unprepared! OOPS!

The bash is such a fun and informative event. I have been lucky to be able to attend every single bash (all four in total.) It’s a way to connect beyond the virtual world with like-minded authors and book bloggers.

If you haven’t been to one before, I urge you to do so – you won’t regret it.

This year I noticed a new trend. Many book bloggers won awards. Book bloggers work so hard to promote a love of reading and to promote authors who might otherwise not be so successful. So keep up the hard work.

Here’s  a link to the list of all the winners for this year’s bash: http://sachablack.co.uk/2018/05/19/the-winners-of-the-2018-annual-bloggers-bash-awards-are-bloggersbash/

I took a few photos… Here are three lovely lasses – EstherRitu and Willow. Ritu did an awesome job with her speech. I truly believe she is wonder woman! Her energy and enthusiasm for blogging needs to be patented.

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A special treat went to Little Miss Bad – Sacha Black – Organiser of the Bloggers Bash…

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It was lovely sharing a chuckle with Barb Taub and Sherri Matthews.

But, I’m a bit alarmed by an odd sprinkle of fairy dust floating into Sherri’s specs…

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Then came the panellist questions, one came from Lucy At Blonde Write More’s readership who asked a very dodgy question – Do you write your blog posts in the nude? Graeme Cumming’s expression, and the laughter from the panellists says it all. But, Geoff is looking very thoughtful… His body language and that blue beard Smurf look speak volumes…

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After teasing his beard again and again Geoff Le Pard admitted that he’d indulged in writing blog posts in the bath! In the nude, (well you can’t have a bath fully clothed can you?) Of course you can’t.

I wonder whether there were bubbles? Blue ones perhaps, to cover up the necessary!!!

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Moving on from Geoff’s confession Suzie Speaks strange expression below suggests an ability to see Sacha’s weird martial art movement behind her…

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What a day to remember! In typical Marje fashion I had a bit of an accident when I got home. I fell on the stairs. Total Miss Clumsy! Pleased to report that no harm done just a touch of bruising…

Getting back to Geoff’s confession about his habit of blog posting in the bath. Do you think this could be a new blogging trend? Or, is this a unique characteristic that only a blue-bearded Geoff could master?

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Pert bums, Make up, Fake Tan and Hair extensions

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Here’s my take on Colleen’s #WQWWC writing challenge. The theme this week is:  Rebirth. Silver Threading WQW: Rebirth

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‘Once you reach a certain age you’re either slowly dying or slowly being reborn. I want to choose the latter.’ Marianne Williamson.

‘Marianne Williamson is an internationally acclaimed spiritual author and lecturer’:  Marianne Williamson’s website

Marianne Williamson’s quote sums up how I feel about it too. The older I get the more I want to go on an adventure! There is nothing that I want to do more than to write, to explore a new landscape of my dreams, to be reborn as a Bloggers Basher and have fun!! Just in case you have no idea what I’m talking about and think this is some new sort of cult, here’s the link to my post about the Bloggers Bash in London on the 11th of June: My Take on The Bloggers Bash

Now, a few people have mentioned that they are suffering from a touch of the Blogger’s Bash blues after the event, so this is for us BB bloggers, and anyone who is or has ever experienced a touch of the blues ….to try to cheer us up with a bit of a giggle…. ENJOY!

I love to eavesdrop. It’s a compulsory and addictive occupation if you’re a writer. Trains are great for this. On the way to the Blogger’s Bash on Saturday I just couldn’t help myself. The  urge came over me to tune in. It was desperate. I tried to stop but it just wasn’t possible. The train was very crowded. There wasn’t a seat available for me to plant my derriere so I surrendered to my deep-seated curiosity. Two young men were standing next to me. Inevitably their conversation touched on the topic of girls, and then veered in an unexpected, and ahem… amusing direction.

NOTE: This is a bit of a departure from my usual children’s writing!! It’s good to try new ideas… I had so much fun writing this!

(The speech below is of course my embellished version of events …..!!!)

Pert Bums, Make up, Fake Tan, and Hair Extensions.

‘Jenny’s pretty.’

‘Yeah but she’s all make up, fake tan, and hair extensions.’

‘Got a fit body though.’

‘Can’t argue with that.. hope it’s real. Real or not, the thought of her makes me tingle…’

‘Calm down mate… sounds like you’ve got too much of that testosterone buzzing round your body… Have you … oh can’t say that …. I’ll get nicked for indecent behaviour …’

‘Ha Ha! That would be so like you… ‘

‘True, you got me!… Let’s leave the coppers for now..the very thought of them makes me sweat…. even though I’m innocent..  I swear. Let’s keep this on the straight and narrow. Been to the gym recently, released the T word?’

‘T word.. oh not a cuppa, you mean a tipple of Testosterone? No. No gym, no footie, nothing, none of the other, either!’

‘No wonder you’re bloody drooling mate.’

‘I’m panting!’

‘You better get on top of it, tame it, work it out, and, um… I hate to say this mate but something dear to you,  is holding you back.’

‘What’s that?’

‘Your behind,derrière, bum, butt, buttocks! It’s em… how do I say this? It’s not quite what it used to be.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Your posterior used to be pretty pert!’

There’s a moment’s silence….

‘You got me there.. It did didn’t it? It was well toned, and admired,’ he laughed, ommiting a half laugh, turning round to observe his once firm bum.

‘A cracker of a bum… your cheeks made me giddy with jealousy!’

‘Ah…. that’s tragic. My bum’s lost its way .. You’re right I better get down to that gym super pronto, or my ass fan club will be a forgotten fiction!’

A wistful expression lingered on his face. His mate gave him a sympathetic look. With those parting words they left the train. Leaving behind a captivated audience that longed for more..

© Marjorie Mallon 2016 – aka, Kyrosmagica. All Rights Reserved.

Sigh.. my entertainment ended. This was far better than any soap opera. Lots of seats became available and I sat down, planting my posterior down. I brushed my hair, and applied a bit of lipstick, no fake tan, or hair extensions, I’d like to add. Oh well.. I was still on my way to the Bloggers Bash, lots more excitement and fun to come!

What I find so amusing about this extraordinary experience is the openness with which these two young men spoke. Were they discussing this in public for attention? Were they just having a laugh? Let’s consider the reactions that they received. No one on the train laughed, or openly smiled. Talk about stiff upper lip. We were all holding it in, squeezing our toned bums even though no doubt a little smile was playing on our lips. Perhaps we had a little twinkle in our eyes. But no one said a word. Instead each and every one of us had a bit of a silent giggle. Well I did anyway..!

Have you ever heard an amusing or astonishing conversation while travelling?

If you have I’d love to hear all about it. Go on… admit it I bet you love to eavesdrop too!

Have a lovely day, keep smiling..

Just finishing with my new Bitmoji hope you like it!

 

Bye for now,

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Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

 

My fun (totally not serious but nevertheless 90% true,) author bio on Wattpad – Link below.

Marjorie Mallon was born in Lion City: Singapore. She grew up in a mountainous court in Hong Kong. Her crazy parents dragged her  spotty soul away from her exotic childhood and her much loved dog Topsy to the frozen wastelands of Scotland. There she mastered Scottish country dancing, haggis bashing, bagpipe playing and a whole new Och Aye lingo. 
As a teenager she travelled to many far flung destinations to visit her abacus wielding wayfarer dad. On one such occasion a  barracuda swam by. It stopped to view her  bikini clad body, longing to take a big bite. With dogs' fangs replacing barracudas' teeth, she returned to her mother's birthplace: Kuching, Cat City. There, Blackie, a black-hearted dog sniffed her frightened butt, whimpered and ran away! Shortly after this extraordinary event an angry female Orang-Utan chased her unfit ass out of the Malaysian jungle believing that she was a threat to her babies! She still monkeys about, would love to own a cat, or a replacement Topsy but refuses to entertain  murderous dogs, or over-protective monkeys.
It's rumoured that she lives in the Venice of Cambridge, with her six foot hunk of a Rock God husband, and her two enchanted daughters. 
After such an upbringing her author's mind has taken total leave of its senses. When she's not writing, she eats exotic delicacies while belly dancing, or surfs to the far reaches of the moon. To chill out she practises Tai Chi and Yoga on the crest of a wave. If the mood takes her she goes snorkelling with mermaids, or signs up for idyllic holidays with the Chinese Unicorn, whose magnificent voice sings like a thousand wind chimes. 

She is a child of the light and the dark. Her motto is simply this: Do what you love,  stay true to your heart's desires, remain young at heart, and  inspire others to do so, even if it appears that the odds are stacked like black hearted shadows against you...

 

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One-Liner Wednesday: You Piece of Chicken!!

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My one-liner for Linda G. Hill’s #1linerWeds this week is : This is how the poor chicken or should I say the cockerel got a bad name!

Just look at him, he looks a downright rascal doesn’t he! He deserves the title: You piece of Chicken!!

This is silly. I realise that but that’s okay. The odd silliness is allowed. This expression, you piece of chicken, is a bit of a family joke. My youngest daughter coined the phrase. We use this secret coded message when someone annoys us. Being a household of three women and only one man we tend to be a bit naughty and sometimes use it when we are ganging up on the only male in the house! Wicked witches. My poor hubby!! When he does something annoying we whisper: ‘ he’s a piece of chicken,’ and giggle….

It’s all in fun of course! No one was hurt using this expression….

Families are funny that way, we all have these strange idiosyncrasies.

With this one-liner in mind, I thought I’d do a piece about the things that tend to irritate me.

I came across a post a while ago from the lovely Jenny at Neverland about the things that irritate her:

http://jennyinneverland.com/2016/01/19/so-i-was-a-little-bit-irritated/

I have intended to do one myself so here goes. These bug bears are in no particular order, just take them as they come. Do feel free to make paper darts out of them. No. 23 on the list is bound to crawl, so make sure you stamp on it before it takes over your household. If that doesn’t work get a full strength insect killer to eradicate it just to be on the safe side.  Do hang in there until the bitter end.  No. 24 will be worth the effort, I promise. No napping, you might just recognise someone you know.

 

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  1. People who take pleasure in being rude. Why? Come on you Rotten Tomatoes! This behaviour is unacceptable. Being nice doesn’t cost you anything! Don’t walk into people. You might just hurt someone, especially if you are particularly huge beefy tomato and they are a petite cherry tomato. It would be like a tank coming into contact with a mini. Think. Behave you Rotten Tomatoes!

 

 

2. Bad Tempered Customers. When I was working in retail there were a few annoying customers who made a fuss about all manner of things but one of the most common complaint was paying for 5p bags. This is Government law now so bring your own bag and stop complaining. If you forget then dig deep and find a 5p. Your purse will probably be glad that you got rid of some of that spare change.mask-1027226_960_720[1]

3. When folks are always late. This one stems from my coming from a family who are obsessed with time keeping! We are always on time, often we’re early, so these habitual latecomers are bound to irritate me! They swan in as if it’s their goddam right. Sometimes they make matters worse by not apologising but ….. and now here’s the interesting thing ……. they get livid if you keep them waiting in return. Some are even more wicked and play sophisticated tricks on you, knowing that you hate to be late. They offer to take you to the station to catch your train, start fiddling around at the last minute, and you end up rushing to catch your train. Or worse still you miss it. I could write a whole post about this one…

4. Over sensitivity. We all get moments when we feel sensitive. I get that. I’ve been there. But what I don’t understand is when the over sensitive person in question shows an inability to be sensitive to your needs in turn. It has to work both ways.

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5. Spitting. The only kind of spitting that’s okay is sausages, and burgers, spitting on a BBQ, any other kind is disgusting. Yuk, as is picking your nose and toe nails in public, etc, etc. Keep those disgusting habits for the bathroom, away from others’ eyes!

 

6. Bad listeners. This can get a bit annoying…. It tends to often be the domain of people who like to talk about their lives rather than take the time to listen to others.

7. Swearing in excess. We’ve all come across this one, you’re in a pub and a group of people are swearing. It’s not just a few words it’s every other word.  I can’t stand this. Okay the occasional swear word is understandable if you’re angry, or upset. Perhaps you have just crashed your car, stubbed your toe, or broken your ankle, but just peppering your speech with expletives for the sake of it is pointless, and ugly.  There are no prizes for this pastime!

8. Insincerity. Another pet hate. I can’t bear it when people say something they don’t mean. Just be honest, don’t say I’m going to miss you so much and then never get in touch. Or I’d love to read your blog and then never do so. That one really hurts! Yes I’m a bit sensitive about that one! Or act all nostalgic and pretend you like something when you don’t just to impress someone. Say what you mean, and do what you say.  So whatever you do, don’t be insincere unless your livelihood depends upon it……. If you’re a salesman!!

9.  Control Freaks. Sometimes you’re in a desperate hurry and you have to leave but the person you are with tries to tell you their life story just as you are about to disappear. What’s with that? Is it a kind of control thing?

10. No humour. Lads and lasses with no sense of humour. We all need humour to survive in this world that we live in, so fire it up, keep it burning, don’t douse it out.

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11. No sense of adventure. When you ask someone about their holiday abroad in some exotic destination and they reply in one boring sentence that tells you nothing: ‘It was nice.’ As if they’d just been to the end of their road and back. I tell you it is like pulling teeth. Perhaps they prefer to talk about their visit to the dentist? Why are they so reluctant to fill you in on all their holiday details? Perhaps they went to a nudist camp and don’t want to say! I’d love to hear all about their travels abroad, nude bits and all, so this really, really, disappoints me!

12. Liars. Yes, these exist, some swear that they don’t ever lie but believe me they do. They’d swear on their mother’s grave that they’re telling the truth, but it’s all lies. So unless you’re Pinocchio keep those lies to a minimum.

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13. Over inflated Egos. People with an over inflated ego, who think they are God’s gift. Just get off of your cloud and come down to reality. Nobody’s perfect, believe me. We’re all flawed humans. All of my best friends are imperfect human beings and so am I, that’s what makes us so interesting. Perfection is boring. Imperfection is alluring.

14. Obsessional guys and girls. Chill. What’s with all that cleaning, dusting and tidying? Unless you suffer from OCD then of course I forgive you. Life is too short. Take a break, put your feet up, the boring housework can wait! But reading can’t!

Take a tip from this fellow he knows how to relax! Isn’t he cute? cat-1054524__340[1]

15. Lack of respect. This one appeared on Jenny’s list too. Respect other people and their choices. Whether it’s the books they read, the films they enjoy or perhaps their sporting pastimes.  If you would never consider playing golf in your lifetime that doesn’t mean that you should criticise your friend’s interest. Same with writing, or any other activity, if the person loves doing it be a good friend and encourage them to continue, and be happy for them when they share their successes. Okay, my dad has so many golf cups and medals that I’ve kind of lost touch but I think it’s lovely that he is still enjoying playing golf at the ripe old age of 87. Go dad…. You’re my hero. golf-990379__340[1]

16. Unforgiving. Sometimes you have to forgive and forget to move on from past hurts. Life is too short to be unforgiving. This one’s a difficult one.  I suppose in extreme circumstances forgiveness is hard to accept into your heart, but in principle it is better to forgive, and move on. Otherwise you can harbour hate, and be held back from recovering yourself. I’ve dug up a whole philosophical debate with this one… Perhaps it’s time to move on to….

17. Lack of Positivity. Some folks just can’t seem to be positive. They’re all doom and gloom. Morose and Miserable.  What’s with that? Try to be positive. I know life’s hard andpositive-725842_960_720[1] competitive, but try.

18. I can’t see it. There is a tendency for people to be unsympathetic if they can’t see an illness but that doesn’t lesson its impact to the sufferer. I suffered with terrible problems with my balance following a severe inner ear infection many years ago and believe me it was horrendous. My ears are still shot, and the problem recurs if I am stressed. The ‘I can’t see it’ scenario is also true of mental illnesses such as anxiety and depression. It’s not a physical illness but it is debilitating. According to Mind, 1 in 4 people will experience a mental health problem each year.  So be kind, and supportive if you know someone who is suffering. see-1019991__340[1]

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19. Bullies. I can’t stand bullies, and any form of aggression. We all come across bullies at some point in our lives. In my case I have done so at school and in the work force too. If only we could weed out bullies, pluck them out by the roots. But sadly this isn’t possible. There is only one way and that is stand up to Bullies.

20. People who rabbit on. Some folks rabbit on about the most mundane things. Their bowel movements may be of supreme importance to them but they really aren’t gripping my interest. Sorry. Moving on…

21. People who snore. I know it’s not their fault but really? Don’t you know that you’re damaging my health. I need my sleep. Often snorers are also prone to doing other wonderful things like sleep walking, grinding their teeth and lashing out in their sleep. Just wonderful. I need protective armour on, a CCTV camera to check what the sleep walker has been doing plus an ability to switch of my hearing overnight.

22. People who scratch. Hey, what’s this? It follows on from no. 22. Some people scratch their skin in their sleep. This is beyond irritating. I should know, my daughter sometimes does it and sharing a room with her is…. an itchy, noisy, business. Poor wee soul, eczema isn’t nice.  So unless you are a monkey, or have eczema, please don’t scratch!

 

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23. Nits, aka head lice.  Shame we can’t groom ourselves like they do in the monkey kingdom… This particular problem is now thankfully in the past but I still have nightmares about it. Gross. How can you send your child to school with a head teaming with nits, especially if the child in question is doing Hairdressing GCSE? Ugh.

I never realised that so many things annoyed me, that’s quite a lengthy list… But no. 23 is an odd number somehow that doesn’t seem quite right, wait.
 24. I reached 24. But I can’t think of anymore…… So I’ll make one up. Writers. Boy you’re an annoying, solitary, crazy, obsessive bunch, all you think and talk about is writing. Oops, what am I saying? That’s me!
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That’s about all folks….

I must be a bit of a miserable so and so, Jenny only had 20, I have 24 moans. Well, perhaps I will be forgiven as I’m a lot older than Jenny. Given that, four more ain’t too bad! But no more bug bears,  for now. Next time I should do a list about things that make me happy. I’d have to have at least 24 smiley lines of glowing positivity or else I’ll be in trouble.

If you’d like to hop aboard Linda’s one-liner Wednesday here’s the link: http://lindaghill.com/2016/02/10/one-liner-wednesday-a-disco/

What about you? What are the things that you find annoying?

Join in the rant. Have a gossip. Do tell.

Disclaimer: the author of this blog post takes no pleasure in moaning please ignore everything I have said.

 

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Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

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Photography: The Cutty Sark London

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I just found this in my draft folder, seem to have forgotten to post this, the powers of my memory are obviously declining. So here goes…..

I took this photograph of the Cutty Sark the evening we picked up my eldest daughter and all her possessions from her University at the end of term, she needed to vacate her flat.

Her first year gone already, how did that happen? Eek, time is flying past too fast. Slow down, dearest, I can’t keep up with you. Anyway getting back to her vacating the flat when I say all her possessions I mean all her possessions! All apart from her crutches no we left those behind, (she broke her ankle this term, poor girl,) hope those crutches don’t come in handy to the next person renting her room! No more broken ankles me hopes.

Luckily we just had enough room in the car for the rest of us and no more, we couldn’t have squeezed another tiny person in there believe me. Girls and our belongings! I tell you half of our car boot was filled with her university books, well this she could be forgiven for, she is a English Literature student after all! My husband commented that when he went to university all he had was a large rucksack! Nowadays an oversized rucksack would just about do for her books, and you wouldn’t want to carry those on your back and that’s a fact!

We travelled back to London from Brighton and had a fantastic night out in Greenwich, and stayed overnight at my sister in law’s house. It was a truly memorable night, we had a lovely meal and ended up in a pub singing along to a band.

There must have been some kind of event on at The Greenwich Observatory as there were several classic cars on display as you can see, very posh!

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Here’s a couple of photos of this fantastic evening view, I couldn’t quite do it justice, I need a better camera, I just took these on my mobile phone. But still, I think it gives you an indication of what a beautiful night it was.

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On the way to the pub a young man ran by us and threw lots of pound coins on the ground! I don’t know if he was drunk, or just wanting to share his money with passing strangers! A kind contribution for next year’s rent for my daughter? Perhaps!  Given how much her annual rent costs all donations even pound coins gratefully received!

Oh, I do attract these kind of uncanny happenings, I wonder what it is about me?

Mustn’t complain it does give me lots of ideas for stories!

Such a funny and memorable night, I’ve been intending to share this with you for ages. It’s taken me a while to get around to it.

I hope you enjoyed my photos, all comments gratefully received in lieu of pound coins! Next year’s rent is looming…….

kk

Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

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