I’m looking for a Christmas venue for our staff party which is proving to be more difficult than I first anticipated. A colleague at work suggested I considered The Cock pub. Anyway, to cut a long story short I called The Cock and checked the size of the venue. We require a big capacity – over fifty guests – and I was informed that the venue was too small. Dead pan, I reported this back to my colleagues with the words: ‘the cock is too small!’
Cue much laughing… Oh my!
Thereafter, not content with the way things were going I googled other possible pubs and discovered a feisty possibility called The Wrestling Cocks. This wasn’t big enough but I was impressed by their passionate pride to their pub! They pointed us in the direction of another venue – the name escapes me – but sadly this didn’t meet my exalted expectations either…
So after much soul searching and a protracted period of titillating I’m now considering a more simple approach. Perhaps a venue with a numeral in the name such as The Three Buttes, or The Eight Ding-Dongs...
ALL PUBS NAMES IN ITALICS HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THEIR PRIVACY!
The pressure’s growing
To find a perfect venue
A decision soon
Be it big, or small in size
Carry on… up the pub dears!
Synonyms: For influence (I used pressure) and perception: (feeling)
an object, quality, or event whose presence or occurrence indicates the probable presence or occurrence of something else.
a gesture or action used to convey information or an instruction.
a notice on public display that gives information or instructions in a written or symbolic form.
For this week’s prompt I wanted to focus on doing a light-hearted post about funny signs rather than a serious photography post.
PART 1 : THE MYSTERY OF THE PARKING LOLLIPOP LIFEBUOY
My photos didn’t come out too great so with that in mind I thought I’d challenge myself to do this funny post. How can I make fairly boring photos interesting? Apply a sprinkling of humour, a bit of an adventure, a dollop of Tintin and Snowy mystery… Me hopes.. to spice up these photos.
My first photo to the left of the trio of mediocre-ness is odd, the yellow out of focused sign says: Have you paid for parking? Don’t worry it didn’t speak to me personally I just read it while I was waiting at the bus stop. Also that yellow STOP sign painted on the ground on that far right photo caught my eye. I think the other folks at the bus stop probably thought I’m a bit loopy taking photos of it and its neighbour a round circular object that isn’t a lollipop. The yellow parking sign is placed right beside a sharp incline with wild grasses and plants growing, no car park immediately behind or near it. Of course it makes sense if you know that you can park and ride at this site. So no real mystery after all or is there? Of course there is a mystery there has to be or else this post would be oh so dull. Here’s a clue: wonder of wonders there is a red lifebuoy next to it. That one’s specially for Julia, I know she likes the colour red. There is no lake or river here, and never has been as long as I’ve been in residence in Cambridge so why would I park my yacht, or possibly my rubber dinghy nearby, and then get a bus? More importantly why would I need saving? The Tintin and Snowy plot thickens. Don’t disappear meet them in PART 2 BELOW.
PART 2 Tintin and The Stone Wall To Nowhere.
Then I found the answer, I walked through the park to the other side of town looking for more strange signs and I came across this beauty for you dog walkers out there, apparently when your dog poos, fire comes out of its a**. That’s a revelation to me!! What have you been feeding your dog? Chillis, curry sauce, hot paprika? So that’s my answer to this peculiar mystery, I need saving from doggie poops that combust by themselves! Who needs fire lighters for BBQ’s, oops that’s getting a bit too much. Moving swiftly on. Let’s get serious now, be good citizens, don’t let your dog off its lead just in case it tries to sneak through a stone wall.
Back to the parking issue, and to my friends Tintin and Snowy my final photo’s caption is NO PARKING GOODS ENTRANCE. What? There is nowhere here to park your car, yacht, or dinghy either, just in case you’re wondering. There is just a solid brick wall, this does not count as an entrance for your goods. They’d have to be invisible goods to get in there. Ah magic and wizardry, perhaps this is a stone wall to nowhere. I’m so curious – what is behind those bars on that window? I hope there isn’t a prisoner in there …… Really there’s no way in, and no way out either. I’m not kidding, it’s kind of getting a bit Dr. Who ish…. Snowy would be relieved to know that even a little spider couldn’t get through those crevices, believe me, let alone you and your trusty dog on its lead. Maybe there is scotch whisky in there, now that would get Snowy on the trail, he like a little tipple. If Dr. Who is busy with his tardis lets get Tintin, and Snowy on the trail, this sounds like an adventure for a man and his dog. I loved those books as a kid, The Adventures of Tintin, the comics series by Belgian cartoonist Hergé. I must re-read! We could call this Tintin adventure The Stone Wall To Nowhere, or just simply The Stone Wall, that sounds very Tintinesque.
Anyway, getting back to reality, (a bit,) I suppose you could smash a window and get in that way, but your dog and Snowy might not approve, he or she might think it is a very bad idea. Let’s face it he or she just wants to go to the park. To do a you know what…. Sensible dog… Fire extinguisher at the ready. Call the fire brigade!!!
Hope you enjoyed my wacky contribution to Camera Lucida, I enjoyed writing this so much!
It’s a bit of daftness to keep you entertained at the start of the week. Happy Humorous Monday, Folks….
Oh if you fancy writing a piece of flash fiction, or a short story about this theme do have a go, I think it would make for fun reading…… I might write one too….
Bye for now. I’ve got to get my shades on and play poker with my imaginary dog, see you later!