I discovered this Totally Not Serious Author Bio Generator via Helen at Journey to Ambeth, and as I like a giggle I thought I’d have a go and share it for Rachel Thompson’s
See if you’d like to try it out – the more crazy and humorous the better! Her link is at the end of the post – so do visit her blog to congratulate her on coming up with this awesome idea. By the way I’m currently reading Helen’s book Oak and Mist and will be reviewing that soon, so do keep an eye out for that.
Just fill in the blanks!!!!!
(your name) was born (time, place) and grew up in (place, dimension etc) learning to (do something odd). They left (your birthplace) for (a far flung destination) where they (did something amazing). (your name) now lives in (somewhere fabulous and unusual) with their (living companions). When not writing bestselling novels, (your name) likes to (do some sort of unusual and creative hobby).
I kind of got a bit carried away with mine, it started off as a short paragraph and grew….. into a mini story… I really enjoyed this! This is about 90% true, ha ha…… I had an unusual childhood!
My Funny Author Bio:
Marjorie Mallon was born many moons ago in the Mount Alvernia Hospital in Singapore, otherwise known as The Lion City. She grew up in a high rise heaven scraper in a mountainous court in Hong Kong.
Her Far East stint was cut short by her crazy parents who decided that the relentless humidity, fabulous food, and endless parties were too much to bear. They dragged her spotty soul to the frozen wasteland of Scotland. Kicking and screaming she left her exotic childhood and her much loved dog Topsy too. Relentless tears and a posh attaché briefcase made this girl a target for primary school bullies. In this new regime she was duty bound to master Scottish country dancing, haggis bashing, farting, bagpipe playing and a whole new Och Aye lingo. Some say that this Scottish coming of age convert heard tell of the root of all evil: the thing that lives in hiding beyond the ken of the kilted sporran!
As a teenager she travelled to many far flung destinations to visit her abacus wielding wayfarer dad Ronald. On one such occasion steel bands were playing Calypso music. A silver barracuda swam by. It viewed her snorkelling bikini clad body, longing to take a big bite. This began a pattern that has continued to this day. With dogs’ fangs replacing barracudas’ teeth, she returned to her mother’s birthplace, Kuching, otherwise known as cat city. Her friendly Malaysian relatives introduced her to a ferocious dog called Blackie who sniffed her frightened butt. She must have smelt pretty terrible -it was a scorcher of a day – poor Blackie whimpered and ran away! It didn’t end there……more animals became a feature of her adult life. Notably an angry female Orang-Utan chased her unfit ass out of the Malaysian jungle believing that she was a threat to her babies!
She still monkeys about as much as possible, would love to own a cat, or a replacement Topsy but refuses to entertain any murderous dogs, knife wielding maniacs, or over-protective monkeys.
It’s rumoured that she lives in the calm punting Venice of Cambridge, with a six foot hunk of a Rock God husband, and two enchanted daughters. These youthful babes are often seen surfing the country park lake before the soul stealing trees awaken.
Of course after such an insane upbringing her author’s mind has taken complete and utter leave of its senses and she now lives in a fantasy world where her family and complete strangers pay her millions to write all day and every day. When she’s not writing bestselling novels, she likes to eat exotic delicacies while belly dancing, and surfs to the far reaches of the moon to keep her abs trim. To chill out she practises Tai Chi and Yoga on the crest of a wave. If the adventurous mood takes her she goes snorkelling with mermaids, or signs up for idyllic holidays with Ch’i lin (or K’i lin), the Chinese Unicorn. This mythical creature radiates a myriad of extraordinary colours, and has a voice that sings like a thousand wind chimes.
She is a child of the light and the dark. Her motto is simply this: Do what you love, stay true to your heart’s desires, remain as young at heart as you can – and inspire others to do so too, even if it appears that the odds are stacked like black hearted shadows against you…
I loved writing this!!! It was such fun……Do have a go and don’t forget to link it back to Helen’s original post: Helen’s Link
Can you guess what’s true and what I’ve made up or embellished?
Bye for now,
Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx
Hugh from Hugh’s Views and News is sponsoring his Charity Christmas Tree Topper Challenge again this year. Last year’s challenge was a great success!
Do you want to join in with Hugh’s Photo Tree Topper Challenge? Here is all you have to do:
From Hugh’s blog: “Here’s how you can all join in and help Angela, Macy, Toby, and I raise £250 for The Dogs Trust.”
1. Take a photo of what sits on top of your Christmas tree.
2. Create a new post on your blog entitled “Hugh’s Photo Challenge: Week 8 – Charity Christmas Tree Topper Challenge.”
3. Add the photo(s) you have taken to the post and tell us a little about what you are showing.
4. Create a pingback to Hugh’s post or leave a link to your post in the comments section of Hugh’s post so that other participants can view your post.
The challenge is open until Tuesday 5th January 2016 and more details can be found on Hugh’s and Colleen’s blog:
Please click on the link The Dogs Trust if you would like to make any donations directly to The Dogs Trust, in UK. Or alternatively in America, you could consider making a donation to the Humane Society of the United States or a local Humane Society in your own hometown.This is not compulsory to enter in the challenge, but if you would like to do so that would no doubt be more than welcome!
Sadly I don’t have a dog myself nowadays but I did as a child, Topsy, a cute little black and white cheeky rascal who used to like eating all sorts of things that weren’t particularly good for a dog! Look at that tiny frame it disguises a hearty appetite for inedible things! I remember one year she ate a balloon at my birthday party. Thank goodness she was okay no harm done. Also one year she ran off and had a love affair with a local dog, we were really worried that she had been lost for good but she reappeared with her guilty tail between her legs…
So to get into the spirit of celebrating man’s best furry friend here are a couple of photos of Topsy:
First this photo is of mum and I on our balcony in Hong Kong, I used to live there when I was little. Actually this kind of captures cheeky me and rascal Topsy pretty well I reckon! My mum is smiling but in a hesitant way as if she knows that she has a handful there…
This photograph below is of Topsy, my brother Donald and my dad Ronald looking all smiley, but Topsy is a bit sad, she is thinking of her wild escapade with her lost love….
As well as participating in the Tree Top Challenge and chatting about dogs I am also joining in Colleen at Silver Threading’s lovely idea to share Christmas Trees from Around The World, so if you’d like to join in with this particular challenge don’t forget to say where you are! My tree is situated at my home in Cambridge, England.
Here’s the link to join in Colleen’s Trees Around The World:
At the weekend I went out with my husband and my youngest daughter to find a lovely tree at our nearby garden centre. At that point in time my eldest was still at University so unfortunately she missed this trip but she’s back home today, it’s so lovely to see her, and now she has seen the tree too.
I just love a real tree, don’t you?
Especially when it is lit up.
I knew it was the one as soon as my husband pulled it out from amongst an array of other trees it had such lovely symmetry and a fullness that caught my eye. So I said, “That’s the one.” Of course my husband still pulled out a few other likely contenders but I got my way in the end! I can be quite stubborn at times….
I decorated our beautiful Christmas tree with my youngest daughter but to my dismay we couldn’t find the angel to top the tree, so I asked my husband if he could get me another one, but he didn’t manage to find one, he was too busy buying the groceries! Just as well, as I found her hiding in amongst a large bag of Christmas gift tags and wrapping paper. For some reason she wasn’t in the bubble wrap with the other Christmas baubles. Perhaps she felt a bit too grand to be stuck there amongst the bawdy riff raff!
Now she may look like she’s sleeping on top of my tree but don’t let that fool you, she knows what’s what! She’s keeping a look out for any sneaky opening presents before Christmas, that is not allowed.
Thanks for popping by to see my tree and my childhood dog and for joining in the Christmas festivities Kyrosmagica style, and don’t forget to pop over to Colleen and Hugh’s blog to join in the challenges.
Bye for now,
Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx
I’m thrilled to be taking part again, this is only my second week! Bit of catching up to do. Hurrah!! What am I up to? Julia at My Red Page’s Camera Lucida Photo Challenge.
Here’s a link to her blog if you’d like to take part in this fun photo challenge: https://myredpage.wordpress.com/2015/09/04/camera-lucida-the-sign/
This week’s theme: The Sign
- an object, quality, or event whose presence or occurrence indicates the probable presence or occurrence of something else.
- a gesture or action used to convey information or an instruction.
- a notice on public display that gives information or instructions in a written or symbolic form.
For this week’s prompt I wanted to focus on doing a light-hearted post about funny signs rather than a serious photography post.
PART 1 : THE MYSTERY OF THE PARKING LOLLIPOP LIFEBUOY
My photos didn’t come out too great so with that in mind I thought I’d challenge myself to do this funny post. How can I make fairly boring photos interesting? Apply a sprinkling of humour, a bit of an adventure, a dollop of Tintin and Snowy mystery… Me hopes.. to spice up these photos.
My first photo to the left of the trio of mediocre-ness is odd, the yellow out of focused sign says: Have you paid for parking? Don’t worry it didn’t speak to me personally I just read it while I was waiting at the bus stop. Also that yellow STOP sign painted on the ground on that far right photo caught my eye. I think the other folks at the bus stop probably thought I’m a bit loopy taking photos of it and its neighbour a round circular object that isn’t a lollipop. The yellow parking sign is placed right beside a sharp incline with wild grasses and plants growing, no car park immediately behind or near it. Of course it makes sense if you know that you can park and ride at this site. So no real mystery after all or is there? Of course there is a mystery there has to be or else this post would be oh so dull. Here’s a clue: wonder of wonders there is a red lifebuoy next to it. That one’s specially for Julia, I know she likes the colour red. There is no lake or river here, and never has been as long as I’ve been in residence in Cambridge so why would I park my yacht, or possibly my rubber dinghy nearby, and then get a bus? More importantly why would I need saving? The Tintin and Snowy plot thickens. Don’t disappear meet them in PART 2 BELOW.
PART 2 Tintin and The Stone Wall To Nowhere.
Then I found the answer, I walked through the park to the other side of town looking for more strange signs and I came across this beauty for you dog walkers out there, apparently when your dog poos, fire comes out of its a**. That’s a revelation to me!! What have you been feeding your dog? Chillis, curry sauce, hot paprika? So that’s my answer to this peculiar mystery, I need saving from doggie poops that combust by themselves! Who needs fire lighters for BBQ’s, oops that’s getting a bit too much. Moving swiftly on. Let’s get serious now, be good citizens, don’t let your dog off its lead just in case it tries to sneak through a stone wall.
Back to the parking issue, and to my friends Tintin and Snowy my final photo’s caption is NO PARKING GOODS ENTRANCE. What? There is nowhere here to park your car, yacht, or dinghy either, just in case you’re wondering. There is just a solid brick wall, this does not count as an entrance for your goods. They’d have to be invisible goods to get in there. Ah magic and wizardry, perhaps this is a stone wall to nowhere. I’m so curious – what is behind those bars on that window? I hope there isn’t a prisoner in there …… Really there’s no way in, and no way out either. I’m not kidding, it’s kind of getting a bit Dr. Who ish…. Snowy would be relieved to know that even a little spider couldn’t get through those crevices, believe me, let alone you and your trusty dog on its lead. Maybe there is scotch whisky in there, now that would get Snowy on the trail, he like a little tipple. If Dr. Who is busy with his tardis lets get Tintin, and Snowy on the trail, this sounds like an adventure for a man and his dog. I loved those books as a kid, The Adventures of Tintin, the comics series by Belgian cartoonist Hergé. I must re-read! We could call this Tintin adventure The Stone Wall To Nowhere, or just simply The Stone Wall, that sounds very Tintinesque.
Anyway, getting back to reality, (a bit,) I suppose you could smash a window and get in that way, but your dog and Snowy might not approve, he or she might think it is a very bad idea. Let’s face it he or she just wants to go to the park. To do a you know what…. Sensible dog… Fire extinguisher at the ready. Call the fire brigade!!!
Hope you enjoyed my wacky contribution to Camera Lucida, I enjoyed writing this so much!
It’s a bit of daftness to keep you entertained at the start of the week. Happy Humorous Monday, Folks….
Oh if you fancy writing a piece of flash fiction, or a short story about this theme do have a go, I think it would make for fun reading…… I might write one too….
Bye for now. I’ve got to get my shades on and play poker with my imaginary dog, see you later!
Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx
“A kiss is a lovely trick
designed by nature
to stop speech
Of course I had to end the 3 day 3 quote challenge on a farewell kiss! It would have been so remiss of me not to. Absolutely believe Ingrid Bergman’s quote one hundred and ten percent.
There is nothing like a kiss especially if that certain somebody is kissing you. A kiss is the honey elixir of the soul, it speaks volumes when words carry very little or no weight. The kiss can be tentative, or tender, it can be a peck or a passionate full on don’t come up for breath number, all of which are worthy of our utmost attention, especially the last one! A, sigh, been there, done that! It could be your first kiss, or a kiss with your granny with her false teeth out! Sorry for that gummy image but it’s one that comes to mind! It could be a smooch with your dog, even soldiers kiss dogs. Dogs get kisses too!
Who could resist kissing this little kitten? I couldn’t. Cats seem to love me though, they follow me everywhere I go….. A bit of an exaggeration – but there is a little fellow that always follows me to the bus stop, he’s so cute. I always stop, pat him, and have a little chit chat on the way to the bus, time permitting!
All sorts of kisses can be memorable for so many reasons. I remember before I went under the surgeon’s knife way back in October my husband kissing me, that kiss meant a great deal, it calmed and reassured me. It worked a treat, I didn’t panic, it was just what the doctor ordered, the perfect prescription, no words could have been as effective!
Thank you so much to Swagata Mukherjee from Kolkata, India for nominating me to take part in this 3 day Quote challenge, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed taking part. Swagata is a PhD student in Physics. She loves to travel and is passionate about photography.
Here’s a link to her blog, do check it out: https://physicsswagata.wordpress.com/2015/08/07/3-day-quote-challenge-day-33/
Rules for Three-Day Quote Challenge
- Thank the blogger, who nominated you.
- Publish 3 quotes on 3 consecutive days in your blog. It can be your own, or from a book, movie or from anyone who inspires you.
- Nominate 3 more bloggers to carry on this endeavour.
As before I will be nominating three of my fellow #BlogBattle Writing Bloggers, they are:
Any other #BlogBattlers that I haven’t mentioned (I could only nominate a certain number of bloggers) please do join in too if you’d like, the more the merrier…….
Thanks for joining me in this 3 Day Quote Challenge.
What are your favourite quotes, and kissing tales? Oh, I can’t wait to hear them, don’t be shy!
Alright I admit it I’m a curious so and so……!
Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx
This is real cute, a short story through Danny the dog’s eyes, via the story reading ape blog.
Danny and the Toad
Danny the Dog here with another tale of lust and depravity—oh wait, that’s Andrew’s bailiwick. Andrew, for the few of you who don’t know, is my human who believes himself to be a writer. My stories have to do with the finer things in life. Such as rolling on the grass, sniffing where another dog has peed, and most important of all, hot dogs.
Today’s story has to do with an incident that took place almost ten years ago when I was just a pup, so to speak. What reminded me of it was something that happened this morning while I was walking Andrew.
It was still dark out; we were in the park, and I caught the scent of something vaguely familiar. I put my snoot to the ground and tried to search it out. Andrew stood there tapping his foot and saying, “Come on…
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A hearty welcome to my Friday zest tour of Quirky houses.
The Lemon Zest Tour
Many Strange Houses Galore
All Tastes Catered For
© Marjorie Mallon 2015 – aka, Kyrosmagica.
Haiku is my very own!
I hope you’ll agree that they are quite amazing. Let’s start off with this beauty:
This one’s a bit dingy in comparison! Hope you have a warm jumper and a torch.
Maybe you prefer to be cushioned in a tree hand. What about something a bit more uplifting?
Or perhaps you’re a gambler who likes to take risks? The architect for the one below must have been drink! It reminds me of a pack of shuffled cards that’s out of order and tumbling everywhere!
Or would you like to blend into the environment? This one’s calm and tranquil. But how would you find your way home at night? Maybe you’ll need a sheep dog.
Perhaps you like to live dangerously?
This one would suit a hermit with a love of the tropics. Just imagine, you could swim every day. Heaven.
Quirky, yes, why not? I wonder if you have to climb up that hill with your groceries? Or would you give up and live off the land?
A fondness for mushrooms perhaps? Just don’t pick poisonous ones or magical ones!
Eggs? Yes, this reminds me of the material egg boxes are made of. I hope it’s not windy, or this egg box house may turn into a frisby. I hope you can climb trees.
One for a posh hermit with a love of the tropics who likes diving, and living precariously.
You enjoy the circus? Some stilts perhaps?
A lover of shoes?
Fond of gardening and like to keep chickens? This one’s a fancy chicken coop, but you could have a bigger version!
Like your garden but fancy an oriental touch?
An artist with an obsession with plastic lunchboxes?
Or an artist with a door obsession?
A lover of books?
A bookworm wouldn’t just settle with the house, we’d need a few accessories too!
For skiiers, and adrenalin worshippers who also like a touch of summer sun?
Cat lovers, don’t look at me like that, I haven’t forgotten you.
And of course, last but not least, a special home for all those dog lovers out there, equipped with tail, and cute puppy.
Thanks for coming on this Friday’s Quirky house tour, hope you enjoyed yourself. Have a wonderful Friday, and a lovely weekend see you again soon!
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Well let’s get into the Christmas spirit by celebrating man’s best friend
and our feline friends too.
So many authors love cats and dogs, and often play tribute to this friendship by creating animal characters or quoting their love of our furry friends.
“To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.”
—Aldous Huxley (author, Brave New World)
“When the Man waked up he said, ‘What is Wild Dog doing here?’ And the Woman said, ‘His name is not Wild Dog any more, but the First Friend, because he will be our friend for always and always and always.'”
—Rudyard Kipling (author, The Jungle Book)
“Once you have had a wonderful dog, a life without one, is a life diminished.”
—Dean Koontz (author, Whispers)
“A bone to the dog is not charity. Charity is the bone shared with the dog, when you are just as hungry as the dog.”
—Jack London (author, The Call of The Wild)
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts.”
—John Steinbeck (author, The Grapes of Wrath)
In fact some authors love dogs so much that they argue that they are heaven bound.
“You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us.”
—Robert Louis Stevenson (author, Treasure Island)
“Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.”
—Mark Twain (author, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer)
“If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.”
—James Thurber (author, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty)
“Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul, chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth!”
—Anne Tyler (author, The Accidental Tourist)
And these famous actresses adore dogs too!
“Dogs never bite me. Just humans.”
—Marilyn Monroe (actress, Some Like it Hot)
“Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses.”
—Elizabeth Taylor (actress, Cleopatra)
Dogs and cats are different, no doubt about it, and here’s why!
Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are god. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are gods.”
― Christopher Hitchens, The Portable Atheist: Essential readings for the Nonbeliever
Quotes about dogs on Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/dogs
Dogs may be man’s best friend, but cats are a mysterious folk:
“Cats are a mysterious kind of folk. There is more passing in their minds than we are aware of.”
Sir Walter Scott.
“When I play with my cat, who knows whether she is not amusing herself with me more than I with her?”
Michel de Montaigne, French author
“Authors like cats because they are such quiet, lovable, wise creatures, and cats like authors for the same reasons.”
Robertson Davies, Playright.
“I gave my cat a bath the other day … they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick on my tongue, but other than that …”
Steve Martin, Comedian
“A cat has nine lives. For three he plays, for three he strays, and for the last three he stays.”
“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
― Robert A. Heinlein
“One day I was counting the cats and I absent-mindedly counted myself.”
― Bobbie Anne Mason, Shiloh and other stories
“A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not.”
― Ernest Hemingway
“I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul.”
― Jean Cocteau
“Yearning for love made her feel like a cat that was always twining around ankles, meowing Pet me, pet me, look at me, love me.”
― Laini Taylor, Daughter of Smoke & Bone
“That’s the great secret of creativity. You treat ideas like cats: you make them follow you.”
― Ray Bradbury, Zen in the Art of Writing
“Holding this soft, small living creature in my lap this way, though, and seeing how it slept with complete trust in me, I felt a warm rush in my chest. I put my hand on the cat’s chest and felt his heart beating. The pulse was faint and fast, but his heart, like mine, was ticking off the time allotted to his small body with all the restless earnestness of my own.”
― Haruki Murakami, The Wind-up Bird Chronicle
On a more serious note, please remember that cats and dogs are for life, not just for Christmas:
Meet the people who give up their Christmas Day to look after cats and dogs
Article from The Mirror: “This year the RSPCA has reported an alarming increase in animals being abandoned across England and Wales – and they expect the situation to get worse over the winter months.
With nearly 2,500 cats and dogs in care this Christmas, hundreds of RSPCA volunteers spend Christmas Day with the animals, getting in extra early to make sure the cats and dogs have a special day.
And it’s lucky that they do, because the RSPCA receives 1,140 calls on Christmas Day putting immense strain on the people who choose to spend their Christmas looking after the animals.”
I just love Mogget and The Despicable Dog in Garth Nix’s Old Kingdom Trilogy. So let’s end with a bit of fun trivia: