humour – Page 9 – M J Mallon YA Author and Poet

One-Liner Wednesday, Writers Quote Wednesday and #BeWow: Coffee

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I had the idea for Linda’s One Liner Wednesday #1linerWeds after reading fellow blogger, Brian Lageose’s post about the woes of aging: https://lageose.wordpress.com/2013/10/25/10-more-signs-that-your-body-just-isnt-what-it-used-to-be/

My one liner is: He would kill for a coffee.

Brian’s wonderful post has a multitude of one liners which I have highlighted below in bold. These ones particularly made me laugh:

You wake up in the morning and you aren’t really sure who you are.

Tick. Sometimes I wake up and have this uncanny feeling that I am my mother…. apparently we looked the split image of each other when I was born. The older I get the more I seem to look like her….. Other times I get dead limbs…. you wake up and your body just isn’t living… your left arm or right arm, or whatever part of your anatomy has died a death. A sort of living nightmare of what it will be like scenario, scary, so in terror you slap that unresponsive limb until it submits. One slap just doesn’t do it so you really hammer at it until it gives in. Sigh…

Things hurt that shouldn’t

My knees creek. If I could oil them I would but sadly that isn’t an option. Oh and cramp, it strikes whenever it fancies. One evening I’d been grocery shopping. I backed my car into the drive and a vicious cramp struck with no warning. Thank goodness I wasn’t driving anywhere far. I jumped out of my car and did a little cramp jig, hopping about, hoping my neighbours wouldn’t spot me!

Your bladder has been secretively removed and replaced with a defective piece of crap made in China.

Yep, so true. I pee all the time, this is annoying especially when I am right in the middle of watching my favourite TV programme. I have to get up and pee. When I’m shopping I need to take a break at regular intervals to pee, etc. Then my daughter says: “You have to go again? You’ve just been mum.” Ah, the joys of youth, she just doesn’t have a clue what it is like to need the loo. Really need it. Sadly one day she will know….

Coffee = A Will to Live.

No. 4 on Brian’s list ain’t me! I’m still a youngster!!!

Okay that’s a bit of a joke but I can function without coffee in the morning… Nevertheless Brian’s words sum it up for so many: “For someone my age? The coffee stops me from taking your life when you ask an otherwise innocent question about how my day is going. Not kidding.”

Brian’s brilliant one-liner about coffee brought me back to a particular experience many years ago. My brother had travelled down from the rugged shores of Scotland, from the capital city Edinburgh, no less, to visit me in Cambridge. Everything went so well to begin with but ……the very next morning disaster struck. He greeted me looking a bit dishevelled and started riffling in my cupboards. His horrified expression suggested that he was getting more and more distressed. In a terrified howl he uttered the words he hoped he would never have to say: “Where is the ****ing coffee?” I can’t remember his exact words so I might be doing him a disservice here but an expletive or two might be in order to convey his sense of total utter outrage.

There was no coffee. Not a grain. Nada.

My heart sunk. I knew in that moment that the last grains had been mercilessly boiled, and drank the previous evening. What a terrible sister! As an avid morning tea drinker I had forgotten all about the coffee that my brother craved to kick start his day. His messy hair seemed to stand up in spikes of rising accusation. His face turned grey . He looked as if he wanted to take the word coffee and slice the ending off (coff…. ee,) to replace it with coffin. Mine. He began pacing to and fro, and then in one swift movement, he grabbed a cigarette, and made for the door. He tried to open this exit way barring his escape but it was locked. Oops. His turned back to me, eyes wild with fury. I rushed to get the key. I opened it. He slammed the door behind him. But if looks could kill I’d be dead. Past tense. Finito.

Shortly after he returned, caressing his precious coffee jar. He put the kettle on to boil. He poured that first exquisite cup, that elixir, he drank it, replenishing his soul.

He returned.

A human.

Thank heavens.

I had been spared!

But my stress levels had hit the roof! I needed a calming herbal tea to recover.

Hope you liked my one-liner Wednesday!

I’m sure Brian and many of you morning coffee drinkers will identify with the sheer horror of such a disastrous moment!

If you’d like to join in with this regular Wednesday blog event here’s the link to Linda’s blog:

http://lindaghill.com/2016/02/03/one-liner-wednesday-you-know-that-feeling/

This is also my post for Colleen at Silver Threading’s Writer’s Quote Wednesday and Ronovan Writes #BeWow: Be Wonderful Wednesday and Be Writing Wednesday: http://silverthreading.com/2016/01/27/writers-quote-wednesday-bewow-ian-mcewan/

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https://ronovanwrites.wordpress.com/bewow-blogshare/

This might seem like a strange #BeWow post but my point is this: if you can take an unfortunate experience and turn it into a lesson then I do believe it can be a wonderful thing to do. I have never forgotten this experience. It is now indelibly stored in my memory in large exclamation marks…. !!!!

We all learn from our mistakes! We all make them, nobody’s perfect. We’re all on the same path, some young, some a little older than others but we are all walking our way towards the twilight of our lives. So let’s support each other. Laugh at the ups and downs and whatever you do next time you have a family member visiting make sure you don’t neglect them like I did. Little things can make their visit wonderful. Whatever you do don’t forget to have a full jar of coffee, a glass of their favourite wine or whatever creature comforts they crave. These little treasures really can be a lifeline to make them feel at home.

Here are three wonderful quotes about the undisputed joys of coffee:

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“What do you want?”
“Just coffee. Black – like my soul.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

“Black as night, sweet as sin.”
― Neil Gaiman, Anansi Boys

What about you? Are you a morning coffee, or tea drinker? Do comment, I’d love to find out.

Bye for now. Off to make myself a coffee….. This is what I need in my cupboards just in case… and those cakes look scrumptious too!

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Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

Hugh’s Weekly Photo Challenge Week 10 Faces

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When I saw Hugh’s Photo Challenge this week I knew that I had to join in the fun.

I had just the photo in mind, and here he is, Mr Frowning Tree.

Isn’t he extraordinary?

I photographed him some time ago when I was working as a Christmas temp at John Lewis. I was on my way to work one morning, and there he was greeting me with that wretched face. I had to stop and photograph him, I couldn’t walk pass without doing so. I have to admit that on that particular morning I just wasn’t in the mood for work. He knew it. I knew it. I just wanted to spend time blogging or writing!! Anyway, I saw his sad face and his monumental frown had me in stitches. He knew what I was thinking: There is nothing as fulfilling as spending time being creative. So that sad tree kind of frowned in sympathy, cheeky so and so….

Today, I was with my daughter in Ely. We were prom dress shopping. We went to a charming shop called Something Special and we found just the right one. The amazing thing was it wasn’t one she had picked. I spotted it! C’est Moi, the Fashionista! It had no price tag on. Eek, but she tried it on anyway, and I prayed it wouldn’t be too expensive. It fitted her like a glove. This in itself was a big bonus as she is so petite that finding a dress is no easy feat. This is the moment when she transformed from a very pretty sixteen year old into classy, and beautiful. The dress is simple, elegant, with just the right amount of detail for her to look like a total knock out.

She just loved it. Of course this midnight blue gown was way over my intended budget. I tried to make her see sense but as we left the shop, she kind of worked her magic on me. Of course she convinced me!! We only walked a few yards down the road, and then we were heading our way back to the shop much to the shop assistant’s amusement and the rest is history. Anyway, that sad tree has a lot to answer for, he’s probably chuckling now, cracking his bark, with splinters of spontaneous laughter. My poor wee bank account…..

So how did my daughter manage to work her magic on me?

Easy.

We mothers just can’t resist their daughters when they look so beautiful. But, as an insurance policy she promised to get A’s and B’s in her GCSE’s and to help with the price tag…. Clever lass. So I can’t complain. Perhaps this will spur her on to do extraordinary things….

This is when my day out with my daughter turned into an extraordinary day.

We had such a lovely day in Ely, it was such fun. The sun shone. We walked down to the waterfront and took loads of photographs. This is a common interest as we are both photography mad. I banished the thought of my money blues by suggesting that we visit a free event at the Babylon Gallery. Yes free, can you imagine? The Gallery is right on the waterfront. There is a very interesting exhibition at the moment called Time and Time Again, by Helena g Anderson from 20-31 January. Today is the last day, so hurry if you want to go see it. It totally took my mind off the state of my bank balance. In fact it was such a wonderful idea to go, as my daughter is doing GCSE Textiles and is a keen photographer and this exhibition really inspired her. The main theme of the exhibition is “an opportunity to look at the changing nature of time on the human condition, where one sees the body deteriorate but the soul remain omnipresent. Women and girls were photographed in 10-year increments, ranging from 0 to 100 years old.”

Startlingly we recognised one of the photographed faces, a friend of my daughters. Isn’t that quite amazing? It can only happen in Ely you know, you must visit!

More about Babylon Gallery here: http://www.babylonarts.org.uk/gallery/view,time-and-time-again-helena-g-anderson-2031-january_1906.htm

My photos of Ely will shortly be on my Instagram account so if you’d like to see them please follow the link: https://www.instagram.com/kyrosmagica/

I just love Ely. It is a must see place to visit, with its beautiful cathedral, lovely places to eat, riverside restaurants, and independent bookshops. Moreover, I just love spending time with my daughters, even when they cost me a fortune. I even found a dress for the Bloggers Bash too. It was in the same shop, fortunately the price wasn’t in the same frowning price tag league!!! But it was really pretty. So two dresses bought in one day, ouch…. what a day!!

Yes, I’m intending on going to the Bash again this year. I went last year and it was such fun. A day not to miss….

More about the Bloggers Bash this year via Sacha Black’s blog. The date is 11th of June, so do put it in your calendar. By all accounts it sounds like it’s going to be an awesome event. I just can’t wait.

http://sachablack.co.uk/2015/10/01/the-bash-is-back-the-second-annual-bloggersbash-2016/

And my account of last year’s event:

https://kyrosmagica.wordpress.com/2015/08/02/the-bloggers-bash-oh-what-a-day/

Want to meet the organisers and attendees from last year? :

https://kyrosmagica.wordpress.com/2015/08/05/meet-the-bloggers-who-attended-the-first-annual-bloggersbash-held-in-london-on-august-1st-2015/

bloggers bash 2016

Here’s the link to Hugh’s blog if you’d like to join in his photography challenge:

http://hughsviewsandnews.com/2016/01/26/hughs-weekly-photo-challenge-week-10-faces/

Here’s Hugh’s advice on what to do if you want to join in:

This week take a photo of an object that looks like it has a face. Rather than taking photos of the faces of people or animals try and capture an object that looks like it has a face.

Want to join the fun? Here’s what you need to do.
1. Take a photo of an object that looks like it has a face.
2. Create a new post on your blog entitled “Hugh’s Photo Challenge: Week 10 – Faces.”
3. Add the photo(s) you have taken to the post and tell us a little about what you are showing.
4. Create a pingback to this post or leave a link to your post in the comments section below so that other participants can view your post.

Bye for now,

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Marje @ Kyrosmagica XX

Bye Bye Retail Hello Writing!!!!!

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As some of you might know from a previous post: https://kyrosmagica.wordpress.com/2015/12/13/retail-inspiration-yuletide-style/

I have been working as a Christmas temp in John Lewis Cambridge, and yesterday was my last day. It has been quite an enlightening and interesting experience in many ways. I started off with oodles and oodles of training. John Lewis puts a lot of priority on staff training so if you want to go into retail in a serious way this definitely is the company to work for. Or if perhaps you might be a student looking for some extra cash while studying, or a return to work mum looking for their first venture back to work…. Or a hopeful author a.k.a someone like me….. Whoever you are John Lewis will take you on if you are prepared to work hard.

Amongst the till training, laws about selling knives, and other hazardous substances we learnt all about different kinds of fire hazards, including chip pan fires!! Hence the funny photo at the top of my post…… An extinguisher would be very appropriate if you happen to work in their staff canteen, and are regularly using industrial sized deep pan fryers. But somehow they didn’t warn us about lesser hazards and potential injuries such as the kimble gun, paper cuts, or staple accidents, etc, which happen on the shop floor!

Here are some of my amusing highlights, I hope you like them:

I tend to be a bit accident prone. I managed to cut myself, on shelfing, prick my finger with the point of a kimble gun, drawing blood. This sharp needle like device is used to secure tags to gloves, hats, etc. As well as this a fellow member of staff also stapled her finger at the till! Quite a feat, I’m not quite sure how she managed to do this……

Not content with that alone, in the stock room I nearly squashed a fellow member of staff between the unsuspecting racks of clothes, by moving the large winding rack without checking anyone was in there. Oops. I’m so glad she alerted me to her presence up a ladder. She shouted! I would too! It’s bad enough climbing up ladders without being at the mercy of people like me….

I’ve had some odd requests from customers and witnessed some strange ones too. A gentleman asked me to take a photo so I asked him what he’d like me to photograph, and he said himself, dressed in his John Lewis jacket and cap. Then he asked me for my impression of the overall look. He was quite handsome ,……

One day a man came to my till and said he had a business meeting and he needed to buy something more suitable to wear so he proceeded to buy exactly the same designer black polo shirt, and jeans that he was currently wearing.. How strange, there was no difference at all, and the ones he was wearing didn’t even look worn. It does make me wonder why? Why would he spend so much money to buy exactly the same clothes, in the same colour? Was he about to murder someone in his current set and he needed a clean outfit for later? Ah, this is what happens if you write, you imagine scenarios everywhere… No one can escape your scrutiny.

At the till point one of the younger members of staff, a particularly cheerful young chap, who seemed to be particularly keen and vocal in his enthusiasm for customer care was asked to model a children’s hat for a customer, he obliged. It was a monster woolly hat, that covered the majority of his face like a balaclava. Afterwards I remarked that I wish we had had a polaroid camera behind the till to take his photo as evidence of his embarrassing moment.

On my last day we had fireworks at the till, well not real ones, just bubble wrap being popped by a nineteen year old co-worker who likes to burst the bubbles on the wrap. Of course it was quiet at the time, she didn’t keep the customers waiting!!

There were hugs, a card, with the following message from my boss: “Thanks for your support over Xmas, good luck with your writing, you may be the next J K Rowling!!” No pressure then! Last but certainly not least a pressie of Double Choc Chip Biscuits from Liberty London. Yum… Looking forward to eating these this weekend on my trip to London to go prom shopping for a dress for my daughter!

All in all, experiences are what make writers, they furnish us with ideas, and ideas can come from anywhere, from behind a till, in the stockroom, talking to people…….

I am very happy to have had this particular experience…. oh and the pay packet will come in handy as I will have a lot of expenses over the coming months. Thank you John Lewis…..

Now it is time to settle down and write. I am so excited, I just can’t wait!

I have received an illuminating writer’s report from The Hilary Johnson Authors Advisory Service: http://www.hilaryjohnson.com/ on my manuscript, Krystallos.

I know what needs doing, so from Monday I shall be immersing myself in writing…… with a view to editing parts of the manuscript, making some necessary changes, and then self-publishing….

But to do that I will have to put my sad hat on, one of the Writer’s Advisory Agency recommendations was to make my main character much more afflicted by sorrow at the beginning of the manuscript, so with that in mind I will have to try and read sad books, immerse myself in a general theme of sadness…. so that my main character, Amelina, will engage with readers on a more personal level. Teenagers like to dwell on the dark side of life and this is something I have to remember to do….

More about that and my progress editing in later posts to come….. Keep me at it, please don’t let me slack. Pester me…

So with editing in mind I am currently reading a book that found me quite by chance. It’s nice when that happens, I saw it at the park and ride bus stop on the way to work, (a free read donated by a fellow traveller.) I’m so glad I picked it up as it is quite a short, interesting, and sad read.

Look At Me by Anita Brookner, here’s the Goodreads synopsis:

A lonely art historian absorbed in her research seizes the opportunity to share in the joys and pleasures of the lives of a glittering couple, only to find her hopes of companionship and happiness shattered.

So book bloggers/enthusiasts, do you have any book recommendations for sad books? Do let me know particularly if they have a young, preferably female main protagonist.

Lots to be done but now the path is set, all I have to do is walk in Amelina’s shoes, and hope she will lead me to the light…..

Bye for now,

Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

Writer’s Quote Wednesday: Aging Disgracefully!!

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For Writer’s Quote Wednesday I want to highlight a book that I am currently reading, The Hundred-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window and Disappeared by Jonas Jonasson to celebrate staying young at heart, and getting up to mischief for as long as humanely p0sssible!

Here’s the synopsis on Goodreads:

It all starts on the one-hundredth birthday of Allan Karlsson. Sitting quietly in his room in an old people’s home, he is waiting for the party he-never-wanted-anyway to begin. The Mayor is going to be there. The press is going to be there. But, as it turns out, Allan is not… Slowly but surely Allan climbs out of his bedroom window, into the flowerbed (in his slippers) and makes his getaway. And so begins his picaresque and unlikely journey involving criminals, several murders, a suitcase full of cash, and incompetent police. As his escapades unfold, we learn something of Allan’s earlier life in which – remarkably – he helped to make the atom bomb, became friends with American presidents, Russian tyrants, and Chinese leaders, and was a participant behind the scenes in many key events of the twentieth century. Already a huge bestseller across Europe, The Hundred-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window and Disappeared is a fun and feel-good book for all ages.

The main protagonist is a one hundred year old man, a downright ridiculously sprightly scoundrel.

Here are a few quotes to tempt you to read this novel, unless you already have! Do comment below I’d love to hear your opinion..

“Allan looked at the bus and then at the suitcase, then again at the bus and then again at the suitcase. It has wheels, he said to himself. And there’s a strap to pull it by too. And then Allan surprised himself by making what – you have to admit – was decision to say ‘yes’ to life.”

“When life has gone into overtime it’s easy to take liberties.”

The humour just keeps on coming, and coming even when the main protagonist Allan considers death:

“Imagine that, death was just like being asleep. Would he have time to think before it was all over? And would he have time to think that he had thought it? But wait, how much do you have to think before you have finished thinking?”

So with the sentiments of this book in mind here’s a little quote I’ve written myself:

With each day we get a little older but our minds mock our creaking limbs by remaining youthful, that is the wicked truth of life, and there is no escaping it.

So, like the sea, my constant friend, drift with the tide of life, exalt in the highs and prepare for the lows, but remain in your heart forever young, a humorous scoundrel longing for your next adventure.

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To end my Writer’s Quote Wednesday I’m finishing off with these superb quotes that sum it up for me:

“At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since.”
― Salvador Dalí

“It takes a very long time to become young.”
― Pablo Picasso

Youth is happy because it has the capacity to see beauty. Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.”
― Franz Kafka

If you’d like to take part in Colleen at Silver Threading’s wonderful link up for Writer’s Quote Wednesday, and Ronovan’s Bewow, (Be Wonderful Wednesday,) here’s the link:

http://silverthreading.com/2015/12/16/writers-quote-wednesday-bewow-a-month-of-hanukkah-christmas-and-kwanzaa-quotes-reverend-dr-martin-luther-king-jr/

Bye for now, hope you liked my quotes!!!

Oh and by the way I’m on Instagram now too and if you’d like to see my recent photos here’s the link: https://www.instagram.com/kyrosmagica/

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Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

Retail Inspiration: Yuletide Style

Just recently I started working in retail as a Christmas temporary. My plan is to earn some pennies to get together a book fund to pay for artwork for a front cover, my promotional, and other expenses that I will incur when I self publish my novel Krystallos in 2016.

I’m not working in Ted Baker as this photo above might suggest, I like to confuse you!

No, this shop front window caught my eye, and features in my Instagram account. https://www.instagram.com/kyrosmagica/

The Abominable Snowman is sticking his rather long tongue out at passers by. A new ploy perhaps to gather customers? Anyway I digress, I’m waffling, back to my experience working as a Christmas temp. This has been a huge departure from my usual daily routine of writing, taking photographs, updating my social media accounts, and of course blogging here on WordPress. What a retail baptism of fire it has been!! Particularly as I am working in a large, prestigious store in a very busy department which happens to be right next door to children’s toys and clothes. The experience has been illuminating in a multitude of ways that I did not expect.

First off you have to walk miles to get anywhere, the shop floor, and stock rooms are vast, and it is a long journey to the staff canteen too, so by the end of the day you feel as if you have had a mega session workout! There is no need to spend money on a gym membership! If you’re like me your water, bubble bath, and heating bills will sky rocket because you’ll soak your weary limbs in a hot tub of bubbly loveliness every night.

As you will know from one of my previous posts, a photography and writing challenge, I am partial to a bubble bath! https://atomic-temporary-67364188.wpcomstaging.com/2015/06/26/5-photos-5-days-challenge-day-5-serenas-bubble-monster/

The very nature of retail means that you are standing on your feet all day, and if you’re not standing, or walking, you’re climbing up step ladders, (particularly if you’re short like me, and unable to reach the top shelf in the stock room,) or if you aren’t doing any of these aforementioned things you are lifting…. With all of this physical work there is the temptation to sneak into the stock room and take a short sit down for a few seconds on a stool there. The stock room itself is a vast Alladin’s cave of just about everything you can think of, there is even a wall of hangers dedicated to just about every brand you can think of, so the first room of thumb is to befriend the stock room manager as he is a guy you most definitely want on your side.

Thirst, that’s another aspect of working in retail that I didn’t consider. Working in retail is thirsty work, so rule no. 1 is to drink loads of water before you begin, and avoid alcohol at all costs, this I learnt the hard way. Last Saturday I had a very nice Christmas dinner with all the trimmings, Christmas pudding, minced pies, chocolates and a couple of glasses of wine, courtesy of my employer but going on the tills immediately after this gourmet delight wasn’t a good idea, no, I needed a sleep after all that food and alcohol… ZZZZZZ…..

Now this is where I’m going to get a bit silly, but that’s allowed as this is Kyrosmagica blog after all. There is a whole new language in retail that just sounds like gobbledegook to me. I haven’t worked in retail since I was a teenager, I do wish this was just yesterday but in truth my teenage years were a long time ago! Of course this is the case, I have two teenage daughters for goodness sake! Obviously back then things were very different, we didn’t have internet returns, fancy collection services, in fact my memory of retail work is pretty hazy, I seem to remember selling china, lots of it and wrapping it carefully in bubble wrap, and dusting, but did I do much more than this? I worked for a department store called Goldbergs in Edinburgh which doesn’t exist anymore, a bit like my foggy retail experience, so it’s no surprise that when a manager asked me to do recovery…… I looked confused and a bit stumped. Recovery, what in heavens is that? My writer’s mind did a merry dance and came up with all kinds of exciting possibilities but ….. Recovery isn’t giving mouth to mouth resuscitation to an old granny who has collapsed in the store, grabbing a stolen package from a thief, or catching a Christmas mug before it splats on the floor, no recovery, is simply making the store ready for customers, in other words tidying up! That I can do, I think….. Then, there is the Kimble gun, no this isn’t a deadly weapon, well not unless it gets into my hands, that sharp needle has to be kept well away from my fingers and from passing customers, that plastic safety cover is a must. What is the lethal Kimble? It’s just an over sized stapler type device for putting tags on, once you get the hang of it, it’s quite easy! As well as this there are other terms which escape me…. There are a plethora of abbreviations on the rota of work to confuse you, so MT is Menswear till, FR is fitting room, if you happen to be a bit dyslexic and think FR reads FP you’d be in real trouble. Funnily enough that’s just what I did the other day, FP, what’s that, Fred Perry? No read the initials properly Marje…. and I’m not even dyslexic so I have no excuse!

Somehow working in retail has been an unexpected fund of inspiration for me, Yippee!!!! Nowadays I can’t go anywhere without thinking of ideas for stories. The stock room has given me an idea for a short story about an evil stock room guy, that’s no reflection on anyone who works in the stockroom you all seem lovely I hasten to add… Those terms that I mentioned might just feature in my writing too, who knows….

Oh, before I forget to mention it one day we had a customer in the store screaming which was frightening, given the prevalence of terrorist attacks recently. The managers cautiously went off to investigate. I’m not sure exactly what happened and why she was so distressed but thankfully nobody was hurt. Perhaps there’s a story there too..

My highlights up until now have been many but here are my favourites:

1. A handsome young man came and asked for a different size in a garment and asked if he could come to the stock room with me to find it!!! Cheeky….

2. Santa’s arrival, and of course all the excited kids in the toy department which happens to be right next to Menswear, they bring back memories of my two daughters when they were little!

3. Music playing, one day we had a band playing right next to my particular section in Menswear. This was great fun, and put a spring in my step but by the end of the day, I was kind of glad it wasn’t a daily occurrence! No offence it was lovely for a while…..

4. Minor accidents. Yes I managed to stab myself, drawing blood with the Kimble gun that shoots plastic hanging hooks on to caps, and gloves. I nearly became a selling item! Also at the till one of the staff managed to staple her finger with a bog standard stapler, who knows how she managed that? !!!

One day after work I had to walk some more to pick up a canvas for my daughter for her GCSE Textiles mock exam. I ended up walking to the other end of town to find one in my price range. A mother’s love knows no bounds! My poor wee legs…. There was a wizened old lady serving on the till in that particular shop who looked as if she should be well beyond retiral age, poor soul she looked exhausted, it was just before closing. Sympathy.

As I waited for my bus home, I noticed that across the road from where I was standing there was a large yellow skip with two men standing in it, shouting orders to a young man bringing huge slabs of polystyrene packing towards it. The younger man arrived at the skip carrying these potential missiles above his head, and tried to lob the packing at his mates but his weapon was too big and unwieldy to be a useful missile. Watching this kept me entertained and amused on my long, long, wait for the bus….

Well it’s been an eye opener, it really has. Respect to all those shop workers, and the plethora of employees who work standing on your feet all day, you do a sterling job. It’s not easy.

Have a very Merry Christmas, and put your feet up and have a long soak in the tub whenever you can…

My retail work has really put me in the mood for Christmas this year. What about you? Are you in the mood for Christmas too? Have you started your Christmas shopping? Or are you really behind like me? Do tell….

Bye for now,

Chillin' in my Crystal hangout — Chillin’ in my Crystal hangout, before I step out to do my Christmas shopping!!

Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

RonovanWrites #Haiku #Poetry Prompt #Challenge #74 Cake&Wolf

Ah, Ronovan you have me well and truly stumped this week. Whatever can I write about using the prompt words cake and wolf? A difficult combination, this calls for a bit of wolfish humour and gluttony methinks……

Somehow I can see a wolf turning up at a fancy dress party in a cake costume…. Could be a shocker.. A party with a creamy strawberry, mousse, santa bite! Look at those eyes, it’s a dead giveaway. Okay, that’s totally daft, a cake wolf a la mousse, but that’s alright because it’s cute and cute works for me… especially combined with contrasting nasty Mr. Wolf.

Cake A La Sharp Fangs Santa

Wolf in mousse costume

Every creamy slice bites back

Ouch! Cake fangs Santa

And more cake humour……. with a feminist twist.

No Wolfish Sexism Allowed

Wolfish sexism,

Splatter cake on windscreen sign,

Feminism rules.

Link to Ronovan’s blog:

https://ronovanwrites.wordpress.com/2015/12/07/ronovanwrites-weekly-haiku-poetry-prompt-challenge-74-cakewolf/

And his excellent advice on how to write a haiku, I like to refer to this from time to time to refresh my memory:

https://ronovanwrites.wordpress.com/2014/07/03/how-to-write-a-haiku-poem/

Hope you liked my double dose of cake haiku with a Wolfish theme!

Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

Ronovan’s Haiku Challenge #72: Life and Give

This week Ron’s words are Life and Give. I was struggling with these two words but this morning I had a eureka moment, which was quite strange considering I had a few too many glasses of wine last night and I didn’t expect to wake up full of ideas! Amazingly I didn’t have a hangover, in fact I felt quite clear headed, strange indeed. I made myself a cup of tea and then I looked at my birthday cards sitting by the windowsill, and my friend Christine’s card caught my eye, with these cheeky words:

“The Older you Get The Better You Get Unless you Are A Banana.”
www.urbangraphic.co.uk

Typical Christine she likes to have a giggle! Well I’m grateful for her funny card reminding me that I’m getting on a bit, as it has given me an idea for this week’s haiku words, Give And Life. Her card is very appropriate too as I happen to love bananas, but having said that there is nothing quite as unappealing as an overripe banana. This squirrel knows he’s munching away at a very tasting looking banana, but could it be his last banana? Do any of us know when our time will come? So enjoy every mouthful of life that’s what I say, don’t just nibble half hearteningly go at it with a big bite!

Banana Love

Give me one big bite
Before your jaws clench honey
Adios sweet life

Poor squirrel I hope I didn’t knock him off his happy munching spot, he looks pretty healthy so I’m sure he will munch his way through many more tasty bananas.

The next haiku is not cheery in nature perhaps its the result of my reading The Bazaar of Bad Dreams by Stephen King, my current read.

If you’re interested in writing a short story here’s a link to the Stephen King Guardian Short Story Competition, closing date is 18th December, 2015.

http://www.theguardian.com/books/booksblog/2015/oct/30/stephen-king-short-fiction-competition-send-us-your-stories

Car of death

I can’t embrace life

This car gives death bites

I’m a murderer.

My mind really does work in mysterious ways! All this from a birthday card, it’s amazing where inspiration can take you to, so keep an eye out for those unexpected sources lingering everywhere.

Here’s the links to Ronovan’s blog to join in the haiku fun:

https://ronovanwrites.wordpress.com/2015/11/23/ronovanwrites-weekly-haiku-poetry-prompt-challenge-72-lifegive/

And his excellent advice on how to write a haiku, I like to refer to this from time to time to refresh my memory:

https://ronovanwrites.wordpress.com/2014/07/03/how-to-write-a-haiku-poem/

Bye for now,

Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

#MondayBlogs: Drive Thru Shine!! Good Luck: Exams!! #NanNowriMo

It’s Monday again, and I’m doing another #MondayBlogs post, brain child of @RachelintheOC. http://badredheadmedia.com/what-is-mondayblogs-and-why-you-should-be-participating/

To inspire and motivate all of you sitting exams and tests, I’m focusing on one precious short and sweet word, Shine.I know that my youngest daughter Gina is starting her mock GCSE exams this week so this is especially for her, and all of you currently studying in schools, colleges, and universities. Gina is a clever lass who excels at course work but finds exams pretty tortuous so that’s why I’m harping on about this. if you saw last week’s #MondayBlogs post you will have seen my photo of my eldest daughter, Natasha Mallon’s artwork, this week I’m featuring another piece that she did whilst studying GCSE Art, the above leaf drawing which I have entitled:

SHINE.

One word, but that is all you need. Shine.

This sentiment is also for all those #Nanowrimo writers out there who are insanely working towards their 50,000 words, you have my admiration, respect, and awe. I’m doing a bit of editing and writing short stories quite feeble in comparison but I’ve got a bit of an excuse, well sort of. I’m starting a new job this week, the day before my birthday! So at the moment I’ve got my daughter’s mock exams, a new job, and as well as this I’m waiting for feedback from The Hilary Johnson Author Advisory Service: http://www.hilaryjohnson.com/ regarding my manuscript. How Exciting!

Getting back to my birthday, don’t ask me how old I am I won’t tell you, I’ll let you guess…. I’m not a day over…. ????

I hope to work this new role alongside my blogging and writing but it probably does mean that my posts will not be as frequent as before. This is the moment when I sigh dramatically for emphasis. Such is life, how am I going to pay for Christmas and book marketing otherwise? Still they say Quality is better than Quantity so I do hope that I will still manage to achieve some Quality and keep you entertained.

I’m going to be super busy. Let’s face it pretending that I’m still fairly young takes up oodles of energy. Anyway I do hope that I will shine and remember to keep on top of everything! A friend of mine gave me a bit of a mobile phone tip – she puts alarm settings in her phone to remind her to do what she needs to do, when she needs to do them, I might have to resort to this tactic so I don’t forget anything. I’ll leave off my birthday reminder, I’m not too ancient to remember it’s my own birthday! YET !!!!

So remember to Shine, in whatever you do, achieve your very best, reach for those intellectual stars, give those exams a bit of an almighty ninja whack in the chops!

Shine, Smash, Sock it to ’em!

And same with that #Nanowrimo writing word count, whack it into submission, you’ll have it praying for mercy, I know you can do it!!

Shine, Smash, Sock it to ’em! NANOWRIMO!!

Oh and to conclude this drawn out waffle, here’s my final thought, it’s about driving. Did that topic come as a surprise? There was a clue in the title: Drive Thru Shine. Whatever is Marje @ Kyrosmagica on about now, you might ask? What has the word drive got to do with the word shine? Well they both kind of sound the same, well driving and shining do, and they both take you places. Driving plays such an important part in all that we do, it gives us freedom to go where we want, when we want, and how we want. The word drive is synonymous with ambition. There is no doubt in my mind that passing my driving test was one of the highlights of my life! That sounds a bit sad but it is true, I managed to finally get my driving licence after I got married, I wasn’t seventeen, I was a bit older. But, if you happen to be sitting a driving test right now and you are a bit dreamy like me, you have my sympathy, let’s just say driving tests, examiners and me ended up knowing each other real well. Maybe I should re-write that last sentence it sounds kind of a bit dubious!!! No matter, I like to make you laugh!

So my driving shine tips would go like this:

Don’t ninja punch the driving instructor that will be an instant fail! Not saying that I ever did this, of course not, even though perhaps I felt like it after I found out I didn’t pass.
Don’t worry about no. 1 that’s just me, you’ll be fine, keep focused, pretend that you’ve already got your licence, that the examiner isn’t right there with you by your side, watching you like a hawk, waiting to slam his clip board into the dashboard for that emergency stop.
Whatever you do don’t let go of the all important steering wheel. That wheel is going to take you places, believe me, I’m behind it and if I (the xxxx ? times failed driver can drive you sure can too!)
Don’t hit that brick wall, it really won’t impress the examiner, and it won’t make your parents too happy either, or if you happen to be a more mature learner, it won’t do much good to your bank balance!
Breathe, this is the first rule of thumb for any exam situation, if you forget it you might just pass out, and that is not to be recommended. Take deep comforting breaths, even if the examiner looks at you as if you are a tad odd, he’s not marking your personality quirks, he’s marking your competency.
Do some yoga the night before, light some aromatic candles, meditate, it really does help.

Links:

http://nanowrimo.org/

Good Luck!!! All you exam students, Nanowrimo’s, potential drivers….. Shine Ninja’s!!

Bye for now,

Shine Ninja Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

1st Halloween Poetry Contest from Writer’s Treasure Chest and more!!!

No, this isn’t an invitation to a Halloween party on my blog, not quite! Tee hee nearly fooled you didn’t I?

But it is a celebration of sorts, a Happy Halloween, and a bunch of stuff and nonsense that I’d like to share with you. So keep on reading – there are details about a couple of Halloween parties at the end of this post!!!

It’s also to let you know that I will be going on a blogging break in early November and to wish you a Happy Halloween.

Now here come’s the exciting part, I’ve got a secret to share with you.

I just love secrets don’t you?

I’m taking the plunge and entering the 1st Halloween-Poem Contest

on ‘Writer’s Treasure Chest’.

My poem:

The Alternative All Hallows’ Eve Bash!

It’s all Hallow’s Eve time for the party to begin,

Witches, vampires, spooks and demons of the night,

Come and join in this annual spectacular delight,

Bring your entry ticket, a glut of gruesome grisliness.

No glowing Jack O’Lanterns are permitted here,

No pretty Halloween plump pumpkins,

Our team of half dead bouncers search for sweets,

Ejecting sickly sweet cheerfulness with ferocious frowns.

Vampires savour red goblets of the purist human blood,

Witches devour human brains a spicy savoury delicacy,

Ghostly ghouls can’t ingest or digest. Oh what a shame!

Instead the smell of rotten candles fills their one time bellies.

Demons sit together in a clique,

They consume a spirit that no one dares to seek,

Their poker hot glances burn into your soul,

No one dares to join them, its too Lucifer hot!

The party’s over way too soon there is clearing up to do,

The kindly ghosts are left to pick up,

They wail boo hoo,

A ghost’s ghoulish life is over before it has begun!

The demon’s faces’ crease in a smouldering, bittersweet, smirk,

The vampires lick their lips, breaking into a blood-curdling smile,

And the witches cackle with ripples of raucous relish,

While Beelzebub bouncers pick up the ghosts and shake ‘em for fun.

Next year’s party committee is set!

A year from now a Hallibaloo of a Halloween bash is on its way!

Don’t forget, don’t be late!

Creepy Cameras at the ready, Blood, Cold, Shiver, Fire, Flash!

Here’s the details:

Every author and poet are invited to participate and deliver a “Halloween-Poem” to my email address: aurorajean.alexander@aol.com, together with their picture.

There are a few rules to follow:
1.Your poem needs a Halloween theme.
2.Your poem needs a minimum of 99 words.
3.Your poem has to be delivered to my email address until Halloween, October 31, 2015, 9 pm Eastern Time.
4.Please avoid violence, bad language, and sexual content within the poems. It would be disqualified.

More about the contest and how to enter here: https://aurorajalexander.wordpress.com/2015/10/20/1st-halloween-poem-contest/

The Next Bloggers Bash is set for 11 June 2016 – I went to this year’s Bloggers Bash in August, so a bit of a poetic joke there! Not saying all of us bloggers are a bunch of witches, and devils, but ……. somehow the idea just grabbed me!!

Before I forget there are some Halloween parties going on today, a couple of bloggers are having a share your posts kind of parties today, lovely idea.

The lovely Suzie Speaks has written an excellent post about how to host a blog party: http://suzie81speaks.com/2015/10/27/how-to-host-a-blog-party/

and extended her invitation to you to join her in her Halloween Blog party: http://suzie81speaks.com/2015/10/31/halloween-blog-party/

Also there is an invitation to join in a Witch’s tea party at author Kirsten Weiss’s ParaYourNormal blog: https://parayournormal.wordpress.com/2015/10/31/witchs-teablog-party-2/

What fun, I think I’ll go as a …………. witch!! I have a very fetching red velvet witch’s hat.. and a red and black dress, or perhaps a black one, decisions, decisions…… plus some blood red lipstick perhaps?

Oh, and in case you missed my run down on all my Halloween activities, here’s the link to that.

There is something for everyone, photography, quotes, stories, haiku, poetry, book reviews, you name it: https://atomic-temporary-67364188.wpcomstaging.com/2015/10/31/happy-halloween-2/

Just recently I went to see Wicked at the Apollo Theatre in London, it was fantastic! I’d go as the Wicked Witch but I don’t have enough green face paint so best to keep things simple!!

Hope you like my poem, do comment I’d love to hear your views.

Have a very Happy Halloween, from your friendly good witch Marje!

Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

The 5th Annual Halloweensie Writing Contest

I’m joining in Susanna Leonard Hill’s Halloweensie Writing Contest as this looked a bit of fun, what with my blog theme this month being Halloween stuff and nonsense!! The word limit is just 100 words, excluding the title, so given that I decided to write a poem, which is a bit of a challenge for me as apart from writing haikus I don’t normally write poetry.

Here is a link to Susanna’s blog if you’d like to join in with this fun contest (entries have to be in by Friday October 30th by 11:59 PM EDT) : http://susannahill.blogspot.co.uk/2015/10/the-5th-annual-halloweensie-writing.html

The Contest: write a 100 word Halloween story appropriate for children (title not included in the 100 words), using the words costume, dark, and haunt. Your story can be scary, funny or anything in between, poetry or prose, but it will only count for the contest if it includes those 3 words and is 100 words (you can go under, but not over!) Get it? Halloweensie – because it’s not very long and it’s for little people 🙂 (And yes, I know 100 words is short but that’s part of the fun and the challenge! We got over 130 fantastic entries last year so I know you can do it!) Also, you may use the words in any form – e.g. haunt, haunts, haunted, darkness, darkening, costumed, whathaveyou 🙂

The Lonely Gatecrashing Ghost.

Time to Go a Trick A Treat,

Don a costume pretty quick,

Sneak out before mum says no,

Grab your lantern, here we go.

Stop! A ghost haunts that dark alley,

He pulls funny faces to be pally,

Everyone turns away,

A game that no one wants to play.

The kids scream in fright,

Scattering in a terrible flight,

Halloween’s for guzzling sweets,

Make believe dress up feats.

Not for ghosts gate-crashing fun,

Stealing sweets by the ton,

Scaring old ladies walking by,

A wicked recipe to die.

Take your nonsense,

And your conscience,

Don’t be a git,

Do a ghostly flit!

Hope you liked my entry. I kind of felt a bit sorry for the poor old ghost being excluded from the fun!

Bye for now.

It’s so dark outside since the clocks went back, just makes me want to sleep!

Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

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