Humour – Page 3 – M J Mallon YA Author and Poet

Bye Bye Retail Hello Writing!!!!!

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As some of you might know from a previous post: https://kyrosmagica.wordpress.com/2015/12/13/retail-inspiration-yuletide-style/

I have been working as a Christmas temp in John Lewis Cambridge, and yesterday was my last day. It has been quite an enlightening and interesting experience in many ways. I started off with oodles and oodles of training. John Lewis puts a lot of priority on staff training so if you want to go into retail in a serious way this definitely is the company to work for. Or if perhaps you might be a student looking for some extra cash while studying, or a return to work mum looking for their first venture back to work…. Or a hopeful author a.k.a someone like me….. Whoever you are John Lewis will take you on if you are prepared to work hard.

Amongst the till training, laws about selling knives, and other hazardous substances we learnt all about different kinds of fire hazards, including chip pan fires!! Hence the funny photo at the top of my post…… An extinguisher would be very appropriate if you happen to work in their staff canteen, and are regularly using industrial sized deep pan fryers. But somehow they didn’t warn us about lesser hazards and potential injuries such as the kimble gun, paper cuts, or staple accidents, etc, which happen on the shop floor!

Here are some of my amusing highlights, I hope you like them:

I tend to be a bit accident prone. I managed to cut myself, on shelfing, prick my finger with the point of a kimble gun, drawing blood. This sharp needle like device is used to secure tags to gloves, hats, etc. As well as this a fellow member of staff also stapled her finger at the till! Quite a feat, I’m not quite sure how she managed to do this……

Not content with that alone, in the stock room I nearly squashed a fellow member of staff between the unsuspecting racks of clothes, by moving the large winding rack without checking anyone was in there. Oops. I’m so glad she alerted me to her presence up a ladder. She shouted! I would too! It’s bad enough climbing up ladders without being at the mercy of people like me….

I’ve had some odd requests from customers and witnessed some strange ones too. A gentleman asked me to take a photo so I asked him what he’d like me to photograph, and he said himself, dressed in his John Lewis jacket and cap. Then he asked me for my impression of the overall look. He was quite handsome ,……

One day a man came to my till and said he had a business meeting and he needed to buy something more suitable to wear so he proceeded to buy exactly the same designer black polo shirt, and jeans that he was currently wearing.. How strange, there was no difference at all, and the ones he was wearing didn’t even look worn. It does make me wonder why? Why would he spend so much money to buy exactly the same clothes, in the same colour? Was he about to murder someone in his current set and he needed a clean outfit for later? Ah, this is what happens if you write, you imagine scenarios everywhere… No one can escape your scrutiny.

At the till point one of the younger members of staff, a particularly cheerful young chap, who seemed to be particularly keen and vocal in his enthusiasm for customer care was asked to model a children’s hat for a customer, he obliged. It was a monster woolly hat, that covered the majority of his face like a balaclava. Afterwards I remarked that I wish we had had a polaroid camera behind the till to take his photo as evidence of his embarrassing moment.

On my last day we had fireworks at the till, well not real ones, just bubble wrap being popped by a nineteen year old co-worker who likes to burst the bubbles on the wrap. Of course it was quiet at the time, she didn’t keep the customers waiting!!

There were hugs, a card, with the following message from my boss: “Thanks for your support over Xmas, good luck with your writing, you may be the next J K Rowling!!” No pressure then! Last but certainly not least a pressie of Double Choc Chip Biscuits from Liberty London. Yum… Looking forward to eating these this weekend on my trip to London to go prom shopping for a dress for my daughter!

All in all, experiences are what make writers, they furnish us with ideas, and ideas can come from anywhere, from behind a till, in the stockroom, talking to people…….

I am very happy to have had this particular experience…. oh and the pay packet will come in handy as I will have a lot of expenses over the coming months. Thank you John Lewis…..

Now it is time to settle down and write. I am so excited, I just can’t wait!

I have received an illuminating writer’s report from The Hilary Johnson Authors Advisory Service: http://www.hilaryjohnson.com/ on my manuscript, Krystallos.

I know what needs doing, so from Monday I shall be immersing myself in writing…… with a view to editing parts of the manuscript, making some necessary changes, and then self-publishing….

But to do that I will have to put my sad hat on, one of the Writer’s Advisory Agency recommendations was to make my main character much more afflicted by sorrow at the beginning of the manuscript, so with that in mind I will have to try and read sad books, immerse myself in a general theme of sadness…. so that my main character, Amelina, will engage with readers on a more personal level. Teenagers like to dwell on the dark side of life and this is something I have to remember to do….

More about that and my progress editing in later posts to come….. Keep me at it, please don’t let me slack. Pester me…

So with editing in mind I am currently reading a book that found me quite by chance. It’s nice when that happens, I saw it at the park and ride bus stop on the way to work, (a free read donated by a fellow traveller.) I’m so glad I picked it up as it is quite a short, interesting, and sad read.

Look At Me by Anita Brookner, here’s the Goodreads synopsis:

A lonely art historian absorbed in her research seizes the opportunity to share in the joys and pleasures of the lives of a glittering couple, only to find her hopes of companionship and happiness shattered.

So book bloggers/enthusiasts, do you have any book recommendations for sad books? Do let me know particularly if they have a young, preferably female main protagonist.

Lots to be done but now the path is set, all I have to do is walk in Amelina’s shoes, and hope she will lead me to the light…..

Bye for now,

Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

Retail Inspiration: Yuletide Style

Just recently I started working in retail as a Christmas temporary. My plan is to earn some pennies to get together a book fund to pay for artwork for a front cover, my promotional, and other expenses that I will incur when I self publish my novel Krystallos in 2016.

I’m not working in Ted Baker as this photo above might suggest, I like to confuse you!

No, this shop front window caught my eye, and features in my Instagram account. https://www.instagram.com/kyrosmagica/

The Abominable Snowman is sticking his rather long tongue out at passers by. A new ploy perhaps to gather customers? Anyway I digress, I’m waffling, back to my experience working as a Christmas temp. This has been a huge departure from my usual daily routine of writing, taking photographs, updating my social media accounts, and of course blogging here on WordPress. What a retail baptism of fire it has been!! Particularly as I am working in a large, prestigious store in a very busy department which happens to be right next door to children’s toys and clothes. The experience has been illuminating in a multitude of ways that I did not expect.

First off you have to walk miles to get anywhere, the shop floor, and stock rooms are vast, and it is a long journey to the staff canteen too, so by the end of the day you feel as if you have had a mega session workout! There is no need to spend money on a gym membership! If you’re like me your water, bubble bath, and heating bills will sky rocket because you’ll soak your weary limbs in a hot tub of bubbly loveliness every night.

As you will know from one of my previous posts, a photography and writing challenge, I am partial to a bubble bath! https://atomic-temporary-67364188.wpcomstaging.com/2015/06/26/5-photos-5-days-challenge-day-5-serenas-bubble-monster/

The very nature of retail means that you are standing on your feet all day, and if you’re not standing, or walking, you’re climbing up step ladders, (particularly if you’re short like me, and unable to reach the top shelf in the stock room,) or if you aren’t doing any of these aforementioned things you are lifting…. With all of this physical work there is the temptation to sneak into the stock room and take a short sit down for a few seconds on a stool there. The stock room itself is a vast Alladin’s cave of just about everything you can think of, there is even a wall of hangers dedicated to just about every brand you can think of, so the first room of thumb is to befriend the stock room manager as he is a guy you most definitely want on your side.

Thirst, that’s another aspect of working in retail that I didn’t consider. Working in retail is thirsty work, so rule no. 1 is to drink loads of water before you begin, and avoid alcohol at all costs, this I learnt the hard way. Last Saturday I had a very nice Christmas dinner with all the trimmings, Christmas pudding, minced pies, chocolates and a couple of glasses of wine, courtesy of my employer but going on the tills immediately after this gourmet delight wasn’t a good idea, no, I needed a sleep after all that food and alcohol… ZZZZZZ…..

Now this is where I’m going to get a bit silly, but that’s allowed as this is Kyrosmagica blog after all. There is a whole new language in retail that just sounds like gobbledegook to me. I haven’t worked in retail since I was a teenager, I do wish this was just yesterday but in truth my teenage years were a long time ago! Of course this is the case, I have two teenage daughters for goodness sake! Obviously back then things were very different, we didn’t have internet returns, fancy collection services, in fact my memory of retail work is pretty hazy, I seem to remember selling china, lots of it and wrapping it carefully in bubble wrap, and dusting, but did I do much more than this? I worked for a department store called Goldbergs in Edinburgh which doesn’t exist anymore, a bit like my foggy retail experience, so it’s no surprise that when a manager asked me to do recovery…… I looked confused and a bit stumped. Recovery, what in heavens is that? My writer’s mind did a merry dance and came up with all kinds of exciting possibilities but ….. Recovery isn’t giving mouth to mouth resuscitation to an old granny who has collapsed in the store, grabbing a stolen package from a thief, or catching a Christmas mug before it splats on the floor, no recovery, is simply making the store ready for customers, in other words tidying up! That I can do, I think….. Then, there is the Kimble gun, no this isn’t a deadly weapon, well not unless it gets into my hands, that sharp needle has to be kept well away from my fingers and from passing customers, that plastic safety cover is a must. What is the lethal Kimble? It’s just an over sized stapler type device for putting tags on, once you get the hang of it, it’s quite easy! As well as this there are other terms which escape me…. There are a plethora of abbreviations on the rota of work to confuse you, so MT is Menswear till, FR is fitting room, if you happen to be a bit dyslexic and think FR reads FP you’d be in real trouble. Funnily enough that’s just what I did the other day, FP, what’s that, Fred Perry? No read the initials properly Marje…. and I’m not even dyslexic so I have no excuse!

Somehow working in retail has been an unexpected fund of inspiration for me, Yippee!!!! Nowadays I can’t go anywhere without thinking of ideas for stories. The stock room has given me an idea for a short story about an evil stock room guy, that’s no reflection on anyone who works in the stockroom you all seem lovely I hasten to add… Those terms that I mentioned might just feature in my writing too, who knows….

Oh, before I forget to mention it one day we had a customer in the store screaming which was frightening, given the prevalence of terrorist attacks recently. The managers cautiously went off to investigate. I’m not sure exactly what happened and why she was so distressed but thankfully nobody was hurt. Perhaps there’s a story there too..

My highlights up until now have been many but here are my favourites:

1. A handsome young man came and asked for a different size in a garment and asked if he could come to the stock room with me to find it!!! Cheeky….

2. Santa’s arrival, and of course all the excited kids in the toy department which happens to be right next to Menswear, they bring back memories of my two daughters when they were little!

3. Music playing, one day we had a band playing right next to my particular section in Menswear. This was great fun, and put a spring in my step but by the end of the day, I was kind of glad it wasn’t a daily occurrence! No offence it was lovely for a while…..

4. Minor accidents. Yes I managed to stab myself, drawing blood with the Kimble gun that shoots plastic hanging hooks on to caps, and gloves. I nearly became a selling item! Also at the till one of the staff managed to staple her finger with a bog standard stapler, who knows how she managed that? !!!

One day after work I had to walk some more to pick up a canvas for my daughter for her GCSE Textiles mock exam. I ended up walking to the other end of town to find one in my price range. A mother’s love knows no bounds! My poor wee legs…. There was a wizened old lady serving on the till in that particular shop who looked as if she should be well beyond retiral age, poor soul she looked exhausted, it was just before closing. Sympathy.

As I waited for my bus home, I noticed that across the road from where I was standing there was a large yellow skip with two men standing in it, shouting orders to a young man bringing huge slabs of polystyrene packing towards it. The younger man arrived at the skip carrying these potential missiles above his head, and tried to lob the packing at his mates but his weapon was too big and unwieldy to be a useful missile. Watching this kept me entertained and amused on my long, long, wait for the bus….

Well it’s been an eye opener, it really has. Respect to all those shop workers, and the plethora of employees who work standing on your feet all day, you do a sterling job. It’s not easy.

Have a very Merry Christmas, and put your feet up and have a long soak in the tub whenever you can…

My retail work has really put me in the mood for Christmas this year. What about you? Are you in the mood for Christmas too? Have you started your Christmas shopping? Or are you really behind like me? Do tell….

Bye for now,

Chillin' in my Crystal hangout — Chillin’ in my Crystal hangout, before I step out to do my Christmas shopping!!

Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

#MondayBlogs: A New Term Begins: The New Term Blues

A new term begins, a bit like the branches of this beautiful tree it proposes many opportunities but also separates too. We are now back to our little group of three and I expect it will take some getting used to again.

The journey to Brighton on Saturday luckily wasn’t fraught with too many issues. We arrived on the seafront, but found that we couldn’t locate the venue to pick up my daughter’s keys! We asked a local taxi driver but she didn’t seem to have a clue so we turned the car around and managed to work it out ourselves. The weather was so blustery, as I left the car, my hair was blown all over the place, and somehow the force of the wind managed to undo my necklace! Luckily I noticed and saved it from being stolen by the wind. I walked in with my daughter and she presented her form only to be told that she needed ID to pick up her keys! Back out into the wind again, no sign of my husband or our car, he’d gone to do a loop around as this area is strictly double yellow lines, no parking allowed. So we waited, and waited, and waited. By this time I was needing the toilet! At last he reappeared, we went back armed with her ID. Problem solved. Or was it? The door wouldn’t open. UGH. Luckily we spied one of the housing advisors and she opened it for us. At last my daughter was presented with a key! Success. Off we went.

Now this is when events became even more entertaining, remember we are in Brighton and in Brighton all sorts of funny things happen, I kid you not. On the way up the hill to her new abode, which by the way is a cute terraced house, with a garden, we saw a bunch of students pushing an enormous wheeled crate up the hill, full of a truck load of moving in stuff, there even happened to be a TV in there! This made me laugh, typical students! I remember once my other half and his then student pals lifted a cooker through the streets of Edinburgh up to their flat too! How times have changed, nowadays students are much more sophisticated, and inventive, none of this brawn, just brain, a wheeled crate is much more enterprising. Anyway, I do hope that they managed to get up the hill okay! After saying our goodbyes, wonder of wonders, an even stranger sight caught my eye. We were stuck at a junction waiting to turn right, the bus on the road ahead stopped, a man hobbled out on his crutches and popped into the off licence for his weekly supply of alcohol, the bus waited patiently and he hobbled back on with his stash at the ready! I’ve never seen that anywhere else in the world, that’s for sure. A Brighton speciality bus service, methinks….

So back to this tree, I sat underneath it in a pub in Blackheath, in London, with my youngest daughter and as I looked up I stared at its magnificent splendour. It must be one of the most striking trees I’ve ever seen. It was lit up with fairy lights, and its branches curved and twisted, in a dramatic fashion, as if it was saying look at me. If it could speak I’m sure it would say, “Aren’t I the most poetic tree you’ve ever seen?”

That tree summed up how I feel about my daughter going into her second year at University, and my youngest starting her GCSE’s. This is going to be some year! They will have so many opportunities, and diverse paths that they might follow which will lead them in many directions, and if they work hard the sky’s the limit for what they might achieve. I do hope my eldest daughter has a bundle of fun, makes lots of new friends, and embraces each and every opportunity with a happy heart, and that my youngest daughter will have a wonderful year with much success, happiness, and fun too. There is the prom to look forward to, I know she will love this! A new dress, shoes, makeup and hair, that will put a smile on her face after all that hard work. As for me, I may have a touch of the new term blues but I’ll be okay, the leaves of that wise old tree whispered and told me so!

Are you suffering from the new term blues too? Do you have a child who has just left the nest to go to University? Do feel free to comment and share I’d love to hear from you.

Bye for now.

Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

#MondayBlogs: Camera Lucida Photo Challenge: Week 9 The Sign

I’m thrilled to be taking part again, this is only my second week! Bit of catching up to do. Hurrah!! What am I up to? Julia at My Red Page’s Camera Lucida Photo Challenge.

Here’s a link to her blog if you’d like to take part in this fun photo challenge: https://myredpage.wordpress.com/2015/09/04/camera-lucida-the-sign/

This week’s theme: The Sign

an object, quality, or event whose presence or occurrence indicates the probable presence or occurrence of something else.
a gesture or action used to convey information or an instruction.
a notice on public display that gives information or instructions in a written or symbolic form.

For this week’s prompt I wanted to focus on doing a light-hearted post about funny signs rather than a serious photography post.

PART 1 : THE MYSTERY OF THE PARKING LOLLIPOP LIFEBUOY

My photos didn’t come out too great so with that in mind I thought I’d challenge myself to do this funny post. How can I make fairly boring photos interesting? Apply a sprinkling of humour, a bit of an adventure, a dollop of Tintin and Snowy mystery… Me hopes.. to spice up these photos.

My first photo to the left of the trio of mediocre-ness is odd, the yellow out of focused sign says: Have you paid for parking? Don’t worry it didn’t speak to me personally I just read it while I was waiting at the bus stop. Also that yellow STOP sign painted on the ground on that far right photo caught my eye. I think the other folks at the bus stop probably thought I’m a bit loopy taking photos of it and its neighbour a round circular object that isn’t a lollipop. The yellow parking sign is placed right beside a sharp incline with wild grasses and plants growing, no car park immediately behind or near it. Of course it makes sense if you know that you can park and ride at this site. So no real mystery after all or is there? Of course there is a mystery there has to be or else this post would be oh so dull. Here’s a clue: wonder of wonders there is a red lifebuoy next to it. That one’s specially for Julia, I know she likes the colour red. There is no lake or river here, and never has been as long as I’ve been in residence in Cambridge so why would I park my yacht, or possibly my rubber dinghy nearby, and then get a bus? More importantly why would I need saving? The Tintin and Snowy plot thickens. Don’t disappear meet them in PART 2 BELOW.

PART 2 Tintin and The Stone Wall To Nowhere.

Then I found the answer, I walked through the park to the other side of town looking for more strange signs and I came across this beauty for you dog walkers out there, apparently when your dog poos, fire comes out of its a**. That’s a revelation to me!! What have you been feeding your dog? Chillis, curry sauce, hot paprika? So that’s my answer to this peculiar mystery, I need saving from doggie poops that combust by themselves! Who needs fire lighters for BBQ’s, oops that’s getting a bit too much. Moving swiftly on. Let’s get serious now, be good citizens, don’t let your dog off its lead just in case it tries to sneak through a stone wall.

Back to the parking issue, and to my friends Tintin and Snowy my final photo’s caption is NO PARKING GOODS ENTRANCE. What? There is nowhere here to park your car, yacht, or dinghy either, just in case you’re wondering. There is just a solid brick wall, this does not count as an entrance for your goods. They’d have to be invisible goods to get in there. Ah magic and wizardry, perhaps this is a stone wall to nowhere. I’m so curious – what is behind those bars on that window? I hope there isn’t a prisoner in there …… Really there’s no way in, and no way out either. I’m not kidding, it’s kind of getting a bit Dr. Who ish…. Snowy would be relieved to know that even a little spider couldn’t get through those crevices, believe me, let alone you and your trusty dog on its lead. Maybe there is scotch whisky in there, now that would get Snowy on the trail, he like a little tipple. If Dr. Who is busy with his tardis lets get Tintin, and Snowy on the trail, this sounds like an adventure for a man and his dog. I loved those books as a kid, The Adventures of Tintin, the comics series by Belgian cartoonist Hergé. I must re-read! We could call this Tintin adventure The Stone Wall To Nowhere, or just simply The Stone Wall, that sounds very Tintinesque.

Anyway, getting back to reality, (a bit,) I suppose you could smash a window and get in that way, but your dog and Snowy might not approve, he or she might think it is a very bad idea. Let’s face it he or she just wants to go to the park. To do a you know what…. Sensible dog… Fire extinguisher at the ready. Call the fire brigade!!!

Hope you enjoyed my wacky contribution to Camera Lucida, I enjoyed writing this so much!

It’s a bit of daftness to keep you entertained at the start of the week. Happy Humorous Monday, Folks….

Oh if you fancy writing a piece of flash fiction, or a short story about this theme do have a go, I think it would make for fun reading…… I might write one too….

Bye for now. I’ve got to get my shades on and play poker with my imaginary dog, see you later!

Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

Holiday………. Race The Train Fever….. Sun ….. No I’m in Scotland

Hi,

I’m on a bit of a holiday so just a little note to let my followers know that I won’t be posting as much for a while, though I might be tempted to join in the writing #BlogBattle and I will be replying to comments so do feel free to chat. The good news is my mum is doing wonderfully well after her operation, she’s some lady, in her seventies and as feisty as ever! We’re getting our orders, tee hee, she’s a laugh. I think she even had the nurses at her beck and call, sounds like they treated her like royalty!

My journey started off terribly badly I did a crazy thing I turned up at the wrong station! In my defence I’ve never done this before, this was a first. I went to Waterbeach (our nearest station) instead of Cambridge. A few days prior to travel I had picked up my tickets from the ticket machine at Waterbeach, and somehow had it in my head that I was travelling from Waterbeach. So my husband had to try to beat the train! A racing challenge, just up his street! He drove me to the next station on the route, it was a hair-raising drive. I really thought there was no way he could do it but amazingly he did and with a few minutes to spare! Luckily the train was running two minutes late and we’d left the house in good time. Phew!!!!

The train journey was lively to say the least we had the cast of one of the shows on our carriage and they were a boisterous lot, you could tell they were actors, they liked to be noticed. I’ve never heard a bunch of people laugh so much. At one point we arrived at a place called Northallerton in North Yorkshire and they queried whether this fairy tale sounding town existed, I reckon they thought it was some sort of Narnialand.

On arrival I decided to walk through Princess Street gardens to get a feeling for Festival Fever, boy it was busy, luckily I just have one small piece of luggage with me. I arrived at my bus stop, and guess what, wonder of wonders my mother in law was standing there apparently waiting for a bus! What are the odds of that? Amazing. Anyway we had a brief chat and then she had to dash off to find her bus, she was at the wrong stop, apparently all the buses are a bit confusing at the moment with the Festival being on.

So I’m up in Edinburgh, sans enfants and sans husband, I intend on catching up with old friends, maybe visiting the cat café in Stockbridge, going to the Book Festival, and the dance and drama events at the International Festival, and the Art galleries if I get a chance. I shall be going out with my dad for Chinese lunch, visiting my mother-in-law, catching up with my brother and generally eating too much. Yum….

I’ll be helping out with mum, cooking, and generally doing my Florence Nightingale bit. You can see why blogging has to take a back seat. Hope my mum will be able to join us out and about towards the end of next week. Unfortunately it is dreadfully busy in Edinburgh at the moment, with all the excitement of the Festivals, the town is packed so it is not very easy to manoeuvre around if you’ve just had an operation. So we will have a duty to try to keep her in, to ensure she rests, no easy task for a lady who is always so full of energy. Let the battle commence…..

I’ve packed a couple of books to catch up on, a bit of holiday reading. My current read is The Wrath and The Dawn by Renee Ahdieh, which is a rich descriptive read inspired by One Thousand and One Nights, I’m really enjoying this. As well as this I intend to read The Bonesetter’s Daughter by Amy Tan. “A dramatic tale of love, loss and betrayal in Provincial China, told with directness and deep feeling.” Mail on Sunday.

If I finish these two there are a wealth of detective novels in my mum and dad’s house so I don’t think I will be short of reading material, and of course I’m sure I’ll pick up some new novels at the Book Festival. How exciting!!! I love Edinburgh, me home from home, only slight gripe it’s so cold here, I don’t think I’ll be needing that sun hat and shades, a woolly hat would be more useful.

Anyway Happy Holidays, hope if you are going anywhere nice you have a wonderful time.

Bye for now.

Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

Blog Battle Creative Writing Challenge: Spaghetti

Today I’m taking part in author Rachael Richey’s Blog Battle Creative Writing Challenge: http://rachaelritchey.com/2015/06/30/blogbattle-week-16-spaghetti-entries-voting/

The challenge word this week is spaghetti. Ah this conjures up messy eating habits, and trips to Rome, well in my mind it does anyway!

The rules and details of joining in this blog battle are at the end of this post.

Here’s my entry. It’s about Spag and Hetti, twin pieces of spaghetti who are made out of the same piece of pasta but are very, very different!

The Spag and Hetti Twins

“Hey Spag what you think about those diners last night talking about punting in Cambridge?’ asked Hetti.

“You won’t catch me a punting Hetti I’m too bendy, I’d be all over the place, toppling those fine people into mucky water. I ain’t no punting pasta,” replied Spag.

“Yeah, you said it! And you’d be messing up the punt with your tomato sauce, me brother.”

“I’m not a messy punter, don’t get all posh Fettucine, Rigatoni on me,” said Spag with a chuckle.

Hetti looked at his brother and smiled. Spag had always been a straight up spaghetti boy, served with Mama’s fine Italian sauce whereas Hetti preferred to be shaped into something different, moulded into a new style. Hetti had ambitions. He wanted to grace the finest Italian restaurants and be served all round the world.

“Hey Hetti you remember that time we were the centre piece in a messy party?”

“Yeah how could I ever forget! That’s ingrained in my pasta memory me brother.” Hetti winced. “The pasta sauce was all over their faces, dribbling down their mucky chins. It was everywhere.” replied Hetti.

“Yeah. The kids were cracking up, giggling non-stop. Then their mama she laughed so much she started clutching her chest. I thought she was going to have a heart attack,” said Spag talking faster and faster as if his pasta sauce was about to boil over.

Hetti put on his disapproving face. Spag knew that tell-tale look so well.

“Sometimes I think people are kind of silly, laughing so much, why can’t they eat pasta properly? They don’t have a clue, they got no pasta etiquette.”

“Hey stop being such a stuck up kill joy Hetti, they were just having a laugh. Those moments are the best, real family times, rare, just natural like, no TV, no outside stuff just being together sharing moments. Those are the memories they’ll remember when the kids are long gone and all grown up. They’re precious those special times.”

“You’re such a big softy Spag, no wonder your pasta’s prone to being soggy,” said Hetti playfully punching his brother in the tummy.

“Huh, just because you’re always so Al Dente, Hetti. Why you got to be so perfect? Sometimes it gets on my nerves. For pasta’s sake Hetti just let your hair down.”

“You’re telling me to let my hair down, that’s rich. You’ve got to stop being a mummy’s boy Spag. Don’t you want to explore, see the world?” asked Hetti looking at his brother curiously.

Spag raised his voice slightly, his pasta adam’s apple wobbling as he spoke. “I see and hear all I gonna see and hear every day in Mama’s restaurant. This is the best, nothing like it. Nowhere else compares. ”

“Huh, Mama’s restaurant, you and I we may be twins cut from the same piece of pasta but I just don’t understand you. When the nurse cut our spaghetti cord she did me a big favour, she made sure that I was the more handsome longer half, me brother.”

“More handsome longer half. What a cheek! Hetti don’t you go a winding me up, twist me around your annoying fork I’m not playing that game me brother.”

“You play the Spaghetti game every day Spag, you’re all meat balls, and tomato sauce you are. Where’s your imagination? Why you not come with me? Try something different, go somewhere different. It’ll be a blast. Let’s go exploring.”

“Where you going Hetti?” asked Spag raising an inquisitive eyebrow.

“I’m going to Italy me brother to the finest city, Rome. There we can learn all about the finest pasta, culture and history. ”

“How are you going to get to Rome, this cultural oasis Hetti?” asked Spag looking at his brother’s legs. “Those bendy legs won’t carry you further than your next serving plate, you’ll need crutches, better still a wheelchair. If you’re not careful they’ll feed your sorry ass to the lions in the Colloseum.”

“Ha Ha. Stop looking at me legs. I can’t help it if they’re long and thin. Anyway I’ll show you Hetti, we’ll get there you’ll see.”

“How me brother? On a helicopter, a speed boat, a jet ski, or what about one of them posh cruise ships? That sounds more your style, or maybe you’re thinking of a flight on a pasta passport? You got your passport photo yet? That I got to see!”

Hetti laughed. His long thin pasta body wiggled. “I’ll find a way Spag. I always find a way, it’s a long challenging piece of pasta to get there but I’ll get there in the end.”

“Yeah, I can just see it now Boomerang Airlines, twirl your pasta around the boomerang and you might go as far as Australia, return trip the same day.”

“Ha Ha very funny. I’ll surprise you, you’ll see. I’m the final bite ain’t I?” said Hetti standing up taller, stretching to his full height.

“That you are me brother, that you are. I tell you what, you’re me brother and I love you like we’re the same piece of pasta so if you can get to Rome I’m a coming with you. I’ve heard all about Rome, the Colloseum, The Pantheum, The Spanish Steps, The Trevi fountain.

“The beautiful Italian ladies!”

Spag sighed. Hetti sighed.

“I knew it. Never mind about family love. The ladies. Now, you want to come with me brother!”

Hetti inspected Spag as if he was searching for some magical secret ingredient. “You may be a bit on the small side but the ladies love you. I never figured that out me brother! How come? What you got that I lack?”

“You know the saying, size don’t matter. It’s me charm.”

Hetti grinned. “Yeah, and all of those lovely ladies they always smile real wistful like when they finish a plate of your finest Spag, you pasta devil, Spag!”

Here are the Voting rules, and rules of participating in Rachel’s Challenge:

Everyone, regardless of participation, who reads ALL the stories for the week may vote.

PLEASE VOTE for your top TWO favorites (not two for the same, though!).

Vote by 10 PM PST on SATURDAY so Rachel can announce the winner on SUNDAY!

Rules:

1000 words max
fictional tale (or true if you really want)
PG (no more than PG-13) Content – let’s keep this family friendly!
Your story must contain the word(s) from the theme and/or be centered around the theme in a way that shows it is clearly related
Go for the entertainment value!
Post your story by Tuesday 11:59 PM PST
Use the hashtag #BlogBattle when tweeting your story, put a link back to your #BlogBattle Short Story in the comments section of this page, and/orinclude a link to this page in your own blog post (it creates a “ping-back” which will alert me and our friends to your #BlogBattle post)
Have fun!

Thanks for stopping by, I hope you liked my #BlogBattle story, maybe you might like to join in Rachel’s challenge too.

Do comment, say hi, I’d love to hear from you!

Kyrosmagica xx

Runaway Train

I’m back home from Brighton after helping out my daughter with her fractured ankle. It has been quite an experience as you will read in my previous post An unusual Valentine’s Adventure, which was published on the 15th of February. Well, the adventure wasn’t quite over as I was soon to discover! All seemed to be fine on my journey back, the trains were running on time. I was on the last leg of my journey home when a considerable amount of smoke filled the interior of my train, coupled with a rather unpleasant, noxious, smell. Windows were opened to try to let out the smoke. An elderly gent moved down the train, clutching his scarf to his mouth, coughing in discomfort. A young child had been crying for some time and now seemed to be crying much more loudly in protest, adding to the strained nerves of myself and the other travellers. The train stopped, and passengers started to look around to see if they could see the source of the smoke. It seemed to be getting thicker, and more pungent. Finally an announcement was made, the rear portion of the train’s breaks weren’t working properly and a temporary fix had to be done to get us to Royston. With the fix completed we speeded on to Royston, all the time I was wondering if the temporary fix would hold, would we be able to stop? Luckily, all was well, the runaway train very kindly obliged, and came to a very satisfactory, stop. From there the rear portion of the faulty train was uncoupled and all of the passengers moved into the first four carriages of the train. Glad I’m back home in one piece, a train without a fully functional breaking system is kind of a scary proposition if you ask me!

EEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS BLOG claims no credit for any images posted on this site unless otherwise noted. Images on this blog are copyright to its respectful owners. If there is an image appearing on this blog that belongs to you and you do not wish for it to appear on this site, please contact or e-mail me with a link to said image and it will be promptly removed.

Bye for now.

Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

Why women live longer than men:

Living on the edge? Don’t try this at home guys, especially the last one. EEK. Had to reblog via Barbara Pyett.

Barbara Pyett

Untitled attachment 00107 Untitled attachment 00104 This e-mail was sent to me and I just thought there were so many amazing photos, I must share it with you: Untitled attachment 00023 Untitled attachment 00089 Untitled attachment 00095 Untitled attachment 00092 Untitled attachment 00047 Untitled attachment 00113 Untitled attachment 00026 Untitled attachment 00038 Untitled attachment 00098 Untitled attachment 00050 Untitled attachment 00059 Untitled attachment 00068 Untitled attachment 00062 Untitled attachment 00083 Untitled attachment 00086 Untitled attachment 00101 Untitled attachment 00116 Untitled attachment 00119 Untitled attachment 00125 Untitled attachment 00122 Untitled attachment 00128 Untitled attachment 00071 Thank you to all of those unknown photographers, and to all the guys who participated in these daring feats! No wonder women live longer than men. Wishing you a relaxing Sunday! Untitled attachment 00053

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A Dream Bus Induced By A Curry

Spices can do strange things to you. There’s no doubt about it. I experienced the weirdest dream. Normally my husband is the one to have those exciting, technicolour dreams, but I reckon for that night I stole his dream. With that in mind, here’s a thought for all you frequent dreamers out there:

Great advice from Hypothyroid Mom – stop stealing dreams it’s a dangerous business.

https://www.facebook.com/HypothyroidMom

A Dream Bus Induced By A Curry

After having a lovely family dinner at Bollywood Spice in Cambridge I dreamt I was at a holiday camp. I’m not sure if I was with my family. Though, I certainly wasn’t alone. One of my friends was nearby climbing up a trellis. She didn’t seem to want to come down to greet me, and my other friend was making her way towards me on this unfamiliar pathway. She asked me if I wanted to go swimming. I didn’t have my costume with me so I said No. After they left I was angry with myself for saying No. It was too nice a day not to indulge in a lovely swim.Why hadn’t I said, yes? It wouldn’t take me a minute to join them. I can’t remember the exact details of what happened next but I was now standing in my swimming costume.

The quiet pathway was replaced by a long colourful slide. I was kind of hoping that it would be like one of those pretty, colourful slides that you sometimes see at water parks overseas. Gentle. The kind I prefer! Yes, I’m a bit of a wimp, but the good thing about a dream is you can be as brave as you want to be. You can be a hero.

In my dream the water slide looked more like this: EEK!!!!!

There were kids everywhere, screaming, shouting and jostling for position. Reluctantly, I joined the end of the very long queue to take a ride. I hesitated when I reached the front, hovering, unsure what to do next. The children behind me were getting impatient so I had no choice. If I didn’t move I was sure they were going to shove me off the end of the slide. I didn’t fancy that, so, with trepidation, I, reluctant hero in the making, launched myself. I had no idea where the slide would take me, or what further dangers might await me. It’s punishing ride seemed to go on and on forever. I was thrown from side to side, turned upside down, every possible permutation. But at last my trial came to an abrupt end. I fell off and landed on the concrete with one last great whoosh of water. I swallowed a huge gulp, and spent the next five or ten minutes coughing it up. I tried to wipe my eyes but this was almost impossible as I had nothing to dry myself with. I squeezed some of the water out of my hair, and tried to dry my eyes again. This time I was a bit more successful. I was rewarded by the blurry sight of a town. I’m very short-sighted so it was very blurry! An unfamiliar, blurry town! Just as I was about to set off to explore, one of my fellow revellers came off the slide, and engulfed me up to the shins in water again. Before I had a chance to talk to her she wandered off. How unfriendly! So I was alone again. Undaunted I made my way to the local hotel and walked straight into the lobby. I was still dressed in my swimming costume, bare foot, and dripping wet, yet nobody seemed to notice. It was almost as if this was an everyday occurrence. I had no idea where I was or how to get back home. So I approached one of the hotel staff and asked for help. Soon, several members of the hotel team gathered around me in a brainstorming session to discuss how to get me back home safely.

It was as if the hotel had come to a standstill and my plight was the most important thing on the agenda! Finally a decision was made, two of the hotel receptionists would escort me out of the hotel and help me find a taxi home. My two helpers sent me off in the right direction. When we arrived at the taxi rank they presented me with a bulging purse. The buckle of the purse was struggling to contain its overstuffed contents. I opened it. It was full of CASH!!!!

There were notes and coins of every denomination.

I smiled at the generosity and kindness of these strangers.

“Thank you so much for all your help, but this purse is too full, I can’t take this. Surely it won’t cost me this much to get back?” I asked.

One of the receptionists appeared puzzled. I began to wonder if I was so far from home that a purse full of money was the only way that I could ever have a hope of returning. She glanced at her colleague as if she expected her to say something but she gave no answer, and receiving none, she just smiled.

Finally her colleague spoke. “I don’t know where you’re going, or how you came to be here, but you must ride the yellow taxi, so keep the purse, every single penny.”

So, I did as I was told. I accepted the gift of the large purse. It would have been churlish not to. I looked around. This was no ordinary taxi stop. It was more like a bus stop. There were folding down seats for people to sit on, and a shelter with a roof to keep out the rain. A large vehicle appeared, it was bright yellow, and looked just like a bright yellow school bus. Thank goodness I didn’t have to propel it with my own foot power.

This was no ordinary bus, it was my taxi home. It was a bright yellow VINDALOO Taxi bus induced by a curry, with a large CAUTION sign stamped across it’s front.

Those spices really had fizzed and bubbled and caused one heck load of mischief. I never knew what happened to the rest of the dream as I woke up. Of course. Why is it we always wake up before we find out the conclusion to our dreams? Who knows if I rode the Vindaloo taxi home or not? But it does seem as if I had the sense to accept the big wad of money! Interesting………… Wow, those technicolour dreams are fun hope I steal another one soon!

What an extraordinary dream! Do you find that spices make you have crazy dreams too? Do tell.

Bye for now.

Marje @ Kyrosmagica. xx

THIS BLOG claims no credit for any images posted on this site unless otherwise noted. Images on this blog are copyright to its respectful owners. The majority of images on this blog are from http://www.pixabay.com or google/bing search. All images are copyright free images. If there is an image appearing on this blog that belongs to you and you do not wish for it to appear on this site, please contact me with a link to said image and it will be promptly removed.

Punography and words of wisdom from The Passive Aggressive Raven

I found this table of Puns on Facebook today. So, thought I’d share it with you.

Here’s a little gem that I discovered. When you’re feeling a bit indecisive take a bit of advice from the Passive Aggressive Raven, Nevermind.

He’s got all the answers but still confused?

It’s ok to be not sure. You’ll find your way, I’m sure.

THIS BLOG claims no credit for any images posted on this site unless otherwise noted. Images on this blog are copyright to its respectful owners. If there is an image appearing on this blog that belongs to you and you do not wish for it to appear on this site, please e-mail me with a link to said image and it will be promptly removed.

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I’m thrilled to be taking part again, this is only my second week! Bit of catching up to do. Hurrah!! What am I up to? Julia at My Red Page’s Camera Lucida Photo Challenge.

Here’s a link to her blog if you’d like to take part in this fun photo challenge: https://myredpage.wordpress.com/2015/09/04/camera-lucida-the-sign/

This week’s theme: The Sign

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