humour – Page 15 – M J Mallon YA Author and Poet

Stephen King, I write like him! A WIP of him!

Absolutely agree with Stephen King’s quote. Books have this amazing quality about them, they transport us into another world, a world in which anything is possible. Well with this in mind, let me tell you about a bit of fun I had yesterday, I posted the first few lines of my novel in this website: http://iwl.me/ I write Like. My writing was analysed. I have to say I was astonished when the website matched me to Stephen King. One, I don’t write horror! There are scary bits in my book, and parts of it have frightened me. Though I am easily scared by my own writing. I have too vivid an imagination not to be! This is a bit of a hazard. Two, Stephen King is a legend, and I’m just well a bit of a work in progress, yes a WIP.

Anyway, I now have the I write like Stephen King badge, why not! Nice to collect a few honours!

http://iwl.me/b/b3a26720

So I thought I would share some of my favourite Stephen King quotes with you:

“If you liked being a teenager, there’s something really wrong with you.”

(Oops, I loved being a teenager, what can I say?)

“A short story is a different thing all together – a short story is like a kiss in the dark from a stranger.” SkeletonCrew

(And a short story is so difficult to write! It kills me every time, the kiss of death.)

“The thing under my bed waiting to grab my ankle isn’t real. I know that, and I also know that if I’m careful to keep my foot under the covers, it will never be able to grab my ankle.” Night Shift

“Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman’s got to hold on to.” ― Stephen King, Dolores Claiborne

“Humor is almost always anger with its make-up on.”― Stephen King, Bag of Bones

“Friends. They aren’t any such thing as good friend or bad friend. Maybe there are just friend. People who stand by you when you’re hurt and who helped you feel not so lonely. Maybe they are worth“Maybe there aren’t any such things as good friends or bad friends – maybe there are just friends, people who stand by you when you’re hurt and who help you feel not so lonely. Maybe they’re always worth being scared for, and hoping for, and living for. Maybe worth dying for too, if that’s what has to be. No good friends. No bad friends. Only people you want, need to be with; people who build their houses in your heart.”― Stephen King, It

(I have a mega, enormous fascination with time, and so does Stephen King):

“Time takes it all whether you want it to or not, time takes it all. Time bares it away, and in the end there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again.”

“Time’s the thief of memory.”

– The Gunslinger.

(And I can identify with this Stephen King quote so much):

“I tend to scare myself.”― Stephen King

“FEAR stands for fuck everything and run.” Doctor Sleep

“High school isn’t a very important place. When you’re going you think it’s a big deal, but when it’s over nobody really thinks it was great unless they’re beered up.”― Stephen King, Carrie

“It’s strange how pain marks our faces, and makes us look like family.”― Stephen King, The Green Mile

“Calling it a simple schoolgirl crush was like saying a Rolls-Royce was a vehicle with four wheels, something like a hay-wagon. She did not giggle wildly and blush when she saw him, nor did she chalk his name on trees or write it on the walls of the Kissing Bridge. She simply lived with his face in her heart all the time, a kind of sweet, hurtful ache. She would have died for him..”― Stephen King, It

“You want to remember that while you’re judging the book, the book is also judging you.”
― Stephen King, Night Shift

“Fear can hold you prisoner. Hope can set you free.”― Stephen King, Different Seasons

“If I have to spend time in purgatory before going to one place or the other, I guess I’ll be all right as long as there’s a lending library.”― Stephen King

“Writing is magic, as much the water of life as any other creative art. The water is free. So drink. Drink and be filled up.”― Stephen King

“Reading a good long novel is in many ways like having a long and satisfying affair”― Stephen King

“The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen”― Stephen King, The Stand

http://stephenking.com/

Oh and I found this fun Stephen King quiz: . http://www.shortlist.com/quizzes/stephen-king-quiz

Do you have a favourite Stephen King quote? If so, do let me know in the comment box. 🙂

What Does My Name Mean?

nombreEN — What Does My Name Mean/ Followland.com

Modest: you are somebody who is good at lots of things but doesn’t brag about them

Amusing: you enjoy making people laugh

Reliable: you are someone who takes responsibility and can be counted on

Just: you always enjoy doing what is right and doing things for others

Original: you are unique and don’t copy others

Reliable: you are someone who takes responsibility and can be counted on

Intuitive: you have the ability to know what is going to happen before it happens

Energetic: you have a lot of energy and you are very active

A fun quiz to do on a Monday! I found it on Facebook. Why not have a go and see what your name means. I was amused by the last one, I don’t know about that, my energy seems pretty sapped at the moment with all this hot English weather! Maybe that’s another Marjorie in another life. I have two R’s for Reliable. I particularly like the original and intuitive ones! The rest of them, well I hope they’re true, that would be nice, they’re all so positive! I sound a bit too good to be true! Where are my flaws? Hidden deep somewhere in my name?

I’m too sexy for this book! YALC panel event

I’m too sexy for this book! Am I talking about myself again? Eh, I think I better confess it was a YALC panel event, and it was rip roaringly entertaining. So of course, I want to share it with you. The chair James Dawson started off the proceedings by donning a fetching crown, announcing his role as Queen of Teen! Well, he deserves the title as he now has his first YA book out, Hollow Pike, watch out, witches never sleep! A very fetching Queen he was too. I was sitting next to my teenage daughter, well she’s eighteen, and still a teenager, just, and I heard her giggling just as much as me throughout the proceedings. This panel event was an absolute MUST.

James Dawson introduced us to the panel of fellow authors, Cat Clarke, Non Pratt and Beth Reekles who were more than happy to join in with a frank and illuminating discussion about sex and sexuality in YA. There was no skirting around the issue, sex reared its head and was allowed out to play.

Should writing sexy scenes be an issue in YA?

Why not write sexy scenes? Cat didn’t feel that writing sexy scenes should be an issue. Non said that she was a “horny and curious” fourteen year old. She wanted to read ‘horny and curious’ books. Beth was fifteen when she started writing Kissing Booth.The Kissing Booth was winner of the Most Popular Teen Fiction Watty Award, and was also shortlisted for the Young Adult Romance Novel of the Year in the 2014 RNAs. Non Pratt’s Trouble touches on a subject that all parent’s dread, teenage pregnancy. The overriding opinion of all the panellists: kids are exploring anyway so why not write what’s happening, rather than pretend that it isn’t happening. Well, this takes me back to my teenage self, I remember reading Lady Chatterley’s Lover. I don’t suppose I told my mother I was reading it but there you are. We’ve all been there, done it. Nothing has changed.

What’s the process of writing a love scene? How do you get in the mood?

passion-flower-284291_640 — Passion Flower! Pixabay.com

Beth

I don’t go out and buy a flower. Maybe she should! This Passion flower is getting me in the mood! She watches romantic movies, and reads chick lit, and tries to write with her younger teenage self in mind. What would she have wanted to read at that age?

Non

Likes sex to be graphic, realistic. In order to get in the mood, “she hammers it out!” Her words! She writes her favourite scenes first, drinking, fighting, and sex scenes! Hey, Non, don’t hold back!

Cat

She has a sexy time playlist, via twitter which includes Prince but stays clear of Rod Stewart. She likes to write revenge sex, check out her book, Undone, in Goodreads it is described as ‘A searing story of love, revenge and betrayal.’ Don’t get on the wrong side of Cat, she scratches!

Gatekeepers reaction to sex in YA books.

Non

Fear creates taboos. Parents and children don’t like to think about each other having sex. This sounds fair comment to me! Non didn’t have to alter her sex scenes but she did have a problem with the bureaucracy that tends to accompany school visits. She found that form filling, and opposition on the grounds of parents not liking it or on religious grounds were evident in school visits. All of these can of course be a problem for writer’s of YA ‘sexy’ books.

Cat

Parents don’t like to see sex in YA books. They like to see good, worthy content. It’s crazy. Cat hasn’t had too much trouble with gatekeepers (agents, editors). She has never had to change her books, even though there is an oral sex scene in her book. Cats just get away with so much don’t they?

tabby-114782_150 — Yes, I get away with everything! pixabay.com

Beth

Is aware that some of her readership tends to be younger, say eleven years old, so she writes her books with that in mind. When Beth goes on Goodreads she find that parents sometimes have problems with content. Hey, stay away from Goodreads, they’re bound to tell you off!

The chair, James Dawson has so many enlightening things to say. He announces that kids are at the mercy of google and it is better to read a novel than to be subjected to much harder hitting sexual images on google. I absolutely agree.

With that in mind should there be age ratings on books? All the panellists said…………………………. you guessed it NO.

Has Fifty Shades of Grey paved the way?

Both Beth and Non were published after 50 Shades came out so did this make it easier for them?

Beth

Beth felt that Fifty Shades has lifted the taboo to a certain degree.

Non

Fifty Shades was titilatting, and there were fourteen and fifteen year olds reading Fifty shades.

James Dawson steered the panellists onto the subject of Taboos.

Non

Non’s taboos: Religion, alternative hole use! Her words! Prefers good vanilla variety sex, and recommended Helen Walsh’s The Lemon Grove. This sounds a great read. Thanks for the tip Non.

Beth

Religion. Depression. Wary of graphic sex due to the age of her readership.

Cat

Torture. Yes, I agree with her on that one.

What about New Adult?

Non

Don’t believe in New Adult, think it is a marketing tool.

Beth

It’s a way of labelling books for gatekeepers.

Cat

Excited when she heard of the term New Adult, she thought it was about kids going to University. She would like to see books about that time in a young adult’s life. I agree.

In Cat’s opinion violence is more disturbing than sex. Sex is private. Violence is more visable, nobody complains about children killing each other in the Hunger Games. A very valid point.

Influences:

The panellists were influenced by the following authors:

Laurie Halse Andersen’s Speak. Liz Bankes’s Undeniable

Sarah Dessen, John Green, Stephanie Perkins, Courtney Summers

My final thoughts on I’m too sexy for this book!.

This was the most entertaining and funny of all of the talks, and makes me wonder whether I should write sexy YA? Could be fun!

Well, that’s about it folks for sex in YA. I hope I haven’t misquoted anyone. If I have made any mistakes, or omitted anything many apologies.

Disclaimer: I couldn’t hear a damn thing so don’t blame me if I got it all wrong!

Authors websites:

http://www.catclarke.com

http://authorbethreekles.tumblr.com

http://www.wattpad.com/user/Reekles

http://nonpratt.com/

JD e-books

Panel Events YALC How To Get Published

I thought I would share with you some snippets of wisdom from the YALC Panel events on Sunday 13th July. I’ve been a bit slow about getting to this, but I have an excuse. My mother in law is visiting so I have been busy entertaining her, taking her out and about. So apologies for my tardiness. The UK’s first ever YA Lit Con, curated by Malorie Blackman, exclusively at London Film and Comic Con, was held at Earl’s Court from 12-13 July 2014. First of all before I launch into telling you about the panel events I just want to say how much I enjoyed attending the YALC event. It was g-r-e-a-t!!!

My bookish daughter, and I went along together and had some lovely mother, daughter bonding time. This was great as she will be leaving the nest in September to go to University so these little moments are very precious to me. We were fortunate to be able to join in the activities on both the Saturday and the Sunday. Though we didn’t manage to go to the pre-view evening, which was a bit of a shame, as we missed out on getting an ARC of Landline. Quelle dommage! Anyway I have remedied this by buying one on-line for my daughter and I am sure she will be happy to lend her copy to me. She better or there will be high drama!

What was the event like?

Well we arrived a bit later than I would have liked but luckily I had a ticket that allowed us entry without joining the long queue. Sorry long queuers, I really felt for you. I am so glad I spent the extra money for the jump the queue tickets or else we would have been waiting a very, very, long time. The queues were ridiculously long. On arrival we were stamped, this kind of reminded me of my time as a University student. In those days a compulsory stamping was required to get into the Student Union for a night out. So that was a nice flashback in time. Unfortunately we took a while to get through the crowds to the very back of the far left hand corner of the event where the YALC was being held. It was a nice corner with soft beanie bags and bookish stands but boy did it take us some time to find it. Obviously they like to hide us bookish types away in a corner.

Consequently I missed the first workshop, Planning and writing a kiss-ass YA novel. So I was a tad disappointed. Though it turned out that all the workshops were organised on a put your name down and if you’re lucky you’ll be one of the thirty who gets to join in. I was not very lucky, in fact I only managed to attend one workshop all weekend. Still that one was super awesome. Meet the agent: speed pitching for authors, with Amanda Preston & Louise Lamont (LBA Books.) Believe me I need all the help I can get with a five-minute pitch. Speed is not my forte! Hey I do Tai Chi, 5 minutes, that’s how long I take to get out of bed in the morning!

All the panel events were so entertaining, that I soon forgot my initial disappointment at not being able to attend the first workshop. On the Saturday, we began by finding a seat at the Dystopia panel event chaired by James Smythe, “It’s the end of the world as we know it: the ongoing appeal of dystopia,” with Malorie Blackman, Sarah Crossan and Patrick Ness. Malorie Blackman got right into the spirit of the event by dressing up!

Also we enjoyed Regenerating the Doctor: reimagining famous characters, with Charlie Higson, Andrew Lane, Patrick Ness and Marcus Sedgwick, chaired by Steve Cole, and Bring me my dragons: writing fantasy today, with Frances Hardinge, Amy McCulloch, Jonathan Stroud and Ruth Warburton, chaired by Marc Aplin.

Oh and last but not least, Heroes of Horror! With Charlie Higson, Will Hill, Derek Landy and Darren Shan, chaired by Rosie Fletcher. These guys just love killing off characters, oh and they have no intention of ever-growing up!

It was a Saturday full of books, and fun so it couldn’t have been more perfect. Oh, and the cosplayers were amazing there were Doctor Whos, Sherlocks, Witches, Manga/Anime characters, Game of Thrones, ……………. and some scary guy on stilts, very frightening.

On the Sunday, the first panel was at 11.30: How to get published with Phil Earle and Sally Green, chaired by Ben Horsten of Penguin Books. Ben Horsten began the panel talk by introducing us to Sally Green, debut author of Half Bad,the first in a series of three, and Phil Earle, author of Being Billy, Saving Daisy, Heroic, and The Bubble Wrap Boy. Phil Earle took five years to get into writing. He changed his career and became a children’s bookseller. During his time as a bookseller he developed an interest in literature, and in particular, young adult fiction. In the panel event Phil Earle emphasised the importance of finding the right home for your writing. Trust your gut instinct. If you find the right home they will believe in you and do all they can to help you succeed. Sally Green agreed that it was important to have a good working relationship with publishers.

Are editors “Angels and devils?” Or are they a mix of both? Sally recommended learning how to edit your own book. Having feedback buddies, analysing other people’s work, and developing a willingness to change, learn, and improve. I totally agree, I am a member of a writing group here in Cambridge and have found this really helpful. Sally’s advice is to keep on going, even the most famous authors can take a long time to get there. She mentioned that Iain Banks wrote three books before the Wasp Factory was successful and he didn’t give up.

Phil Earle emphasised the buzz, and encouragement that editors can build. Phil jokingly said that when you approach an agent, or an editor make sure that you stay sober! No Stalking! “Don’t chase the market.”

Ben Horsten of Penguin Books is on the look out for writing that inspires his attention and has different kinds of polish. It has to have an amazing voice. A nugget, a ‘Je n’ai sais quoi.’ It is a tough market for debut writers, but don’t despair publishers are on the look out for the next generation of writers.

Phil Earle discussed debut writers. He said that debut writers have a unique quality, they are bright and shiny. Bloggers like debut writers. I have to agree with Phil Earle on this one. There is nothing like encouraging a new writer to find their voice and succeed in a difficult market. Again, writing communities are great, as are blog sites, and wattpad. But above all else be suggested be passionate!

Phil Earle has used editing agencies – Cornerstones – and found this useful. Sally was a bit wary of parting with money and suggested swapping manuscripts with other authors. Given her background – I believe she was an accountant before the creative bug hit her, this sounds likely advice from Sally! I’m also a bit loathe to part with money too, I’m sort of with you on this one Sally, but we’ll see I may have to succumb, and pay. At the moment I’m using trusted people to read and give feedback on my manuscript. Hopefully that will be enough.

Sally emphasised the importance of working on your manuscript, and not getting too side tracked by social media! Good advice! Wish I had thought of that!

Ben Horsten suggested checking out profiles of a few authors and how they connect with their fans on social media. This sounds like great advice……

Other snippets of writer advice from the panel: Develop a good profile on twitter. Find an agent, using the twitter hastag, #askanagent. Make sure your first three chapters are the best they can be and also that you have a two-line pitch that delivers, and your synopsis just cries out to be read.

My advice: When attending these events remember to bring food and a lot of water. A nice sandwich would be awesome. It was very hot and sweaty inside the venue. So wear minimal clothing, but don’t get arrested. In fact I felt quite sorry for some people who were dressed in elaborate costumes, how could they possibly survive? So come prepared. Let’s hope that YALC is an annual event, I want to go again! Oh and next time I want to dress up! I wore my glasses this time, next time who knows what I will look like!

Authors websites and information:

http://www.philearle.com/

http://www.halfbadworld.com

http://www.childrenslaureate.org.uk/yalc/yalc-schedule

Sleepovers – A Teenage Bonding Ritual

The Sleepover makes me laugh. What has sleep got to do with it? I reckon teenagers should rename the sleepover, The Stay Up All Nighter! The adults have to stay calm while the teenagers let loose!

What is the ‘Sleepover’ all about?

Well from a teenager’s point of view there is nothing quite like it. Where else can you eat vast quantities of pizza, garlic bread, ice cream, popcorn and sweets and stay up into the ‘wee’ hours talking to your besties? When I say talking I don’t mean hushed whispers, I mean loud giggles, screams, and lots and lots of shrieks. Oh and compulsory jumping or running about. Mustn’t forget to include those ones!

No doubt they gossip about boys, bitch about girls and rant about teachers. The sleepover is a bonding session. A way to forge those all important sisterhood ties between girls.

So why blog about this today? Well this is the morning after, the night before. Last nights sleepover went pretty well. The girls started their night by going to see A Fault in our Stars. A perfect start, lots of sobbing to draw them together in this bonding ritual. (I’m just jealous, I want to see this myself, I must go soon!!!)

Now I don’t have any sons but I expect the male sleepover ritual is probably fairly similiar except for the makeup shenanigans, and the chit-chat is probably more focused on football than fashion!

All sorts of things happen at sleepovers. Kids do sometimes fall out and end up crying in the middle of the night. Air beds get punctured. There are weird noises in the middle of the night. On one occasion I heard the sound of constant running water at 2 o’clock in the morning to find three girls trying to remove a heavy-duty face pack! There are coughing fits, even the odd bout of sickness. We even had a power cut once. So they’re always eventful, especially if they are to celebrate a birthday. Then the excitement levels hop onto a rapidly moving escalator and don’t stop! Let’s just say that there is never a dull moment when you’re a parent!

Without doubt one of the funniest memories I have is a fairly recent occasion when my husband and I went out and left the sleepovers too it. Well, they were in the capable hands of my eighteen year old daughter. She was in charge! We escaped, scooting out the door for a pub dinner promising that we wouldn’t be out too late.

There was a barbeque at the pub but we just didn’t feel in the mood for a bbq, odd really, but anyway, we had to find somewhere else to eat. So by the time we did that and had a few drinks, and mellowed into the evening, we just forgot the time. When we got back home, the house was still standing, and my youngest daughter greeted me with an amusing tale. The three sleepover girls were worried that WE were ok! We had stayed out longer than they expected and the 13/14-year-old girls thought some terrible fate had befallen us! Role reversal or what? This is interesting. Shows a depth of maturity, oh my god, my youngest is growing up!

Sleepovers are here to stay whether we like them or not. They are a fabric of teenage life. When the sleepover invitees wake up in the morning, two things can happen. They can greet you with a guilty smile and say how much they enjoyed the sleepover and thank you enthusiastically, or they can fail to do so. If they remember this part of the ritual then you know that your son or daughter has found the right friends. The ones that respect and appreciate what we as parents do for them. Luckily both my daughters have made this spectacular leap and now have friends that pass the ritual!

So, the Sleepover is challenging, but super important and that is why one just had to feature in the novel I am currently editing. Compulsory. Though this fictional sleepover is not like any you’ve ever been to. Well not unless you’ve magic powers that you’re hiding! Ok, there are elements that are the same, the chit-chat, the bonding, but this is fantasy. I just LOVE writing fantasy, and sleepovers deserve a brush with fantasy I reckon.

What do you think? Have you any funny sleepover stories you would like to share? Please do, I would love to hear them.

Photo credit – Free google pictures and http://www.pixabay.com

Modishness of Ladies – Literature of the English Country Rose

vintage-140573_640 — Literature of The English Country Rose

In the ‘good old days’ ladies would entertain and admit gentlemen into their bed chambers,which were grand affairs, with large sitting rooms. They might even wear glamorous negligees, whilst entertaining! There is an old worldly charm in this. But I can’t see it catching on now! Nowadays we tend to have smaller more functional bedrooms, that tend to be more personal affairs. We don’t share our teddies with everyone! Oh, the exception here is most probably the family cat or dog. Lots of people share their bedroom with their pets. They’re cuddly too, so it figures!

The “Marriage A-la-Mode paintings link below illustrates this entertaining well. Click on the link to see Hogarth’s painting.

http://www.nationalgallery.org.uk/paintings/william-hogarth-marriage-a-la-mode-4-the-toilette

Text taken from the National Gallery:

‘Marriage A-la-Mode’ was the first of Hogarth’s satirical moralising series of engravings that took the upper echelons of society as its subject. The paintings were models from which the engravings would be made. The engravings reverse the compositions.

After the death of the old Earl the wife is now the Countess, with a coronet above her bed and over the dressing table, where she sits. She has also become a mother, and a child’s teething coral hangs from her chair.

The lawyer Silvertongue invites her to a masquerade like the one to which he points, depicted on the screen. A group of visitors on the left listen to an opera singer, possibly a castrato, accompanied by a flautist.

An African page on the right unpacks a collection of curiosities bought at auction, including a figure of Actaeon. The paintings on the right wall show ‘Lot and his Daughters’ and ‘Jupiter and Io’ (after Correggio). On the left wall is a portrait of the lawyer and ‘Rape of Ganymede’ (after Michelangelo).

Getting back to the present day, I’ve just finished my Start writing Fiction course, woe is me! So I’ve started another Futurelearn course, The Literature of The English Country Rose. I’ve been thinking about life in the past and how so many customs, manners, and niceties, have changed. In modern-day entertaining, there does seem to be a trend for people to entertain in the kitchen. The dining room has become quite old-fashioned. The kitchen is friendly, a welcoming hubbub of culinary activity with all those aromas, right there, right now, tingling your senses as you eat. It’s a less formal set up than most dining rooms. I know that we only tend to use our dining room on special occasions, Christmas, Birthdays, that sort of occasion. Is the good old dining room becoming redundant, a relic of the past?

Wherever you decide to eat and entertain make sure your chef is magnificent, a god of the kitchen! This fellow works for Poseidon! Oh and keep the fish away from the cat, if you are lucky enough to have one!

Photo credit: http://www.pixabay.com

Waiting – Give it up Before It’s Too Late

Waiting in queues. Waiting in supermarkets. Waiting in garages. Waiting at the doctors. The list could just go on and on, so I won’t bore you with any more detail. Let’s get to the point – How much of our life do we waste waiting? We spend an amazing amount of time sleeping, a third of our lives, but has anyone documented how much time we spend waiting? It’s not so much the waiting that gets to me, it’s the attitude of certain people who behave as if they own the right to make me wait longer. I’m a patient kind of girl but sometimes it gets to you. You’re waiting in line and the person in front of you decides to empty out their handbag spilling a year’s worth of money off coupons at the checkout. They haven’t bothered to see if they’re valid or not, so the checkout girl has to check each and every coupon. By the time they’ve left, the check out girl and I are in cahoots, talking about their inconsiderate behaviour. Wouldn’t you?

We spend five and a half years doing the housework. (This one really upsets me! I take advice from the fellow below on that one!

Three years doing our washing. Eleven years in front of the tv. Five years on the Net. Seven years suffering from insomnia. 20 weeks on hold. 38,003hrs eating. Six months of our life queuing. Eleven and a half years at work. A year off sick (no wonder!) 160 days on fag breaks. Five months complaining! It’s amazing we have any time left over to relax or enjoy ourselves.

That leads me to the next statistics, which are a bit risqué, so forgive me, here goes, women spend 1 hour and 24 minutes having orgasms (the female orgasm lasts 1.7 seconds) and men a whopping 9 hours 18 secs. (the male orgasm lasts 12.4 seconds.) Sounds like a bit of a disparity there! Let’s hope some of these ladies weren’t faking it! Women take 136 days getting ready for a night out whereas men only devote 46 days to this. Oh and we spend 115 days laughing too!

The statistics are courtesy of the Daily Mirror so if they’re wrong don’t blame me!

Anyway, getting back to me and waiting. It doesn’t just happen to me at the checkout, no it happens in the garage too!

The other day I was waiting in line to check my tyre pressures, I was in a bit of a hurry, and I could see the guy in front was in go slow mode. He just kept staring at his tyres as if he expected the pump to work without any input on his behalf. Then he walked around his car inspecting it. He then took off every dust cap, and walked leisurely over to the machine.

By this time I was beginning to think a child could have done a quicker job.

He popped in his money and … he walked so slowly I was sure that he would never get all the tyres done in the time allotted, miraculously he just managed it and no more. I figured he’d cast a spell on the machine. He finished. I sighed. Great, at long last it was my turn now. No way. He opened his bonnet and started to fiddle with his engine. I knew then it was hopeless, so I turned on my engine, and pulled out. He gave me a look as I left, a sort of aren’t you in a hurry kind of look, or aren’t you impatient, or was it a look of triumph? Either way I left, I gave in. Why am I such a softie? No wonder my tyres need inflating!

When I pump up my tyres I always try to be quick if I happen to see someone waiting. What about you? Do you rush or do you stall? If you take your time, why’s that? Are there other more unusual places you’ve been kept waiting? Tell me all about it in the comment box below.

Stereotypical Characters – Do you know one?

In general avoid those stereotypical characters, they just might get you into an awful lot of trouble!

In the Futurelearn Starting Fiction exercise we looked at stereotypes, with a twist, a characteristic which is not normally associated with their type. So I came up with these:

A gymnast who likes to show off but has a fear of competing.
A dare-devil who’s not frightened about anything except children’s water parks.
A dog owner and breeder who loves cats more than dogs but won’t admit it.
A mechanic who hates getting his nails dirty, and likes a manicure as a treat.
(One of my fellow Futurelearners commented that she used to know a mechanic like that!)
A black witch who likes to be a white witch on a Sunday.
A fish and chips shop owner who never eats chips and goes ball room dancing.

Do you know somebody like that? I know a female hairdresser who wanted to be a mechanic when she was young. Her dad was a mechanic. She’s very feminine, not the type you would think of servicing your car! Just goes to show stereotypes are born to be broken.

Here is my short character sketch of a stereotype with a twist:

Ann pushed her gold-rimmed glasses up her nose, smudging her lenses in the process. She saw a customer heading in her direction. She responded by fidgeting nervously with her name tag. It hung like an accusation around her neck. She wondered if she could rush off to the toilet, and escape before it was too late. The girl was already in front of her desk, poised to assault her with a round of questions, so Ann had no choice, she had to speak to her. “Can I help you?” Ann enquired, in this high-pitched voice that clung to the word help before assaulting the recipient’s eardrum. The girl appeared disoriented, as if she had just had a bout of severe vertigo. She recovered enough to stop swaying and then as if acknowledging that she was cornered, she stayed. Ann appreciated that, it would be impolite of the girl to move away, and Ann appreciated good manners. The girl almost sat down, she floated in the air just above her seat. The girl cleared her throat reluctantly and asked for help. What a mistake! Ann liked to help people, she did, but somehow she just couldn’t handle it. She always had trouble working the library computers. She still got lost in the library, even though she’d been working there for two years. To be honest it would be easier to find books yourself than to ask Ann. Ann was hopeless. Ann was a mess. Ann was only good at one thing, and nobody knew about that one thing. Ann liked to bungee jump. It was a secret passion, an adrenalin lover, a million times better than a real one. The ties were there but they were rope, not shackles. She would fling herself off a cliff top without a second thought, shouting, “Can I help you,” at the top of her voice, with this insane grin on her face. She felt free in that moment, knowing that she didn’t have to help anyone, all she had to do was jump. It was a wonderfully liberating feeling, nothing could surpass it. As she hung at the end of the bungee, she always pointed her finger at the unsuspecting air, and exclaimed, “I can’t help you, air, but you and I are free, yippee, I’m no longer the librarian, I’m the bungee jumping, adrenalin, kick ass, lady!”

My librarian in the above sketch went against common expectations. We tend to think of librarians as being quieter individuals who are less adventurous and prone to spending the majority of their time amongst dusty books. But is this fair? I tried to go against the stereotype, to make her extreme. I hope it worked. Who knows maybe she exists somewhere, let me know if you’ve met her!

This penchant for extreme sports might lead to lots of librarians trying these:

images (3)

Relying too heavily on stereotypical, one-dimensional, characters can make your writing look unimaginative and at worst bigoted. Rounded characters give writing that extra something that makes the reader want to read on. As a reader you have to care about the characters or else you will lose interest in the plot, and if you lose interest in the plot, the story dies.

What do you think? What makes a character special? Do you know anyone that doesn’t fit their stereotype? Or can you come up with a new and original stereotypical twist? Please feel free to leave a comment in the comment box. Thanks.

Go back

Your message has been sent

A Fully Loaded Balloon of a Character

In the Futurelearn Start Writing Fiction course we’ve now moved on to Finding and Developing Fictional Characters, so I thought I would share with you some writing nuggets of wisdom.

We have been studying Josip Novakovitch’s methods of finding and developing fictional characters.

Of course there are numerous ways to develop characters. This is not rocket science, but the following gem of wisdom is.

Maya Angelou: “There is no greater agony than bearing an UNTOLD story INSIDE you.”

Maya Angelou is right. If there is a story inside of you, don’t keep it to yourself! Share it with the world, draw upon your own life as a starting point. Why not? Everybody has a story inside of them, reach in and you’ll find it.

Then look around you. What about your family and friends? Delicately mould these starting blocks into something new, but don’t just produce carbon copies of the originals. Blend and mix on tap resources of inspiration, use your observational skills, listen to the way people talk, and the way they interact with other people, refer to a wide range of readily available information, such as internet search engines, books, and don’t turn your nose up at strange sources of inspiration, embrace them all.

The key is to use your imagination. You need a tree load of inspiration.

Without this your characters may disappoint and burst like an overblown balloon. Or else they will fall flat onto deaf ears. Just make sure they aren’t full of hot air!

Let your imagination soar, and your characters will be fully rounded, developed and ready to lift off like a released balloon, or even a hot air balloon, soaring to the highest heights.

Success!

Allow your writing to evolve spontaneously.

Novakovich quotes Mel Brookes, Somerset Maugham, Erskine Caldwell, and Graham Greene.

Mel Brookes: “Every human being has hundreds of separate people living under his skin. The talent of a writer is his ability to give them their separate names, identities, personalities, and have them relate to other characters living with him.”

Erskine Caldwell: “I have no influence over them. I’m only an observer, recording. The story is always being told by the characters themselves.”

Graham Greene, “One gets started and then, suddenly, one cannot remember what toothpaste they use…”

Graham Greene’s quote is spot on, when things just start to happen spontaneously and the story carries the author along, then you know that you’re on the right track.

Somerset Maugham: “People are hard to know. It is a slow business to induce them to tell you the particular thing about themselves that can be of use to you.”

That’s the key and that’s why imagination is so important.

Somerset Maugham, also gave us these humorous gems of wisdom:

I especially like this one, there’s hope for me yet! There’s no age bias in writing, as long as my mind stays fresh, what is there to stop me writing when I’m older?

Getting back to my own writing experiences. I didn’t set out to follow any particular method. To be honest I stumbled along, and discovered my characters in quite a haphazard way, but in general I used a variety of approaches, which seemed to work for me.

In fact when I finished my novel I was struck by the realisation that I could see my own anxieties interwoven into my plot. This was obvious to me but might not be quite so obvious to other people reading it. I don’t have a sister or a twin so I can’t say that I write about siblings. I do have a brother but I don’t think that he influenced my writing, certainly not in this novel. Maybe who knows, he might do in future projects to come. To a certain extent I do write about my experiences, I have two teenage daughters, so it’s not surprising that the main protagonist in my novel is a teenage girl. There are male characters too. I have re-invented the main love interest for a modern audience. Is he based on anyone I know? Maybe there are elements of him in men that I have met! I’m a Scorpio and I do like to be secretive, so I’m not saying anymore. I think that we draw on all sorts of influences and this shapes our writing and the characters that we discover along the way, some of these influences may be conscious and some may be less conscious, and more exciting!

Images – via google search.

Hunger games: Cat’s play, Gym babe.

It’s coming to the end of my ten LA Fitness sessions, via Groupon. Has it made any difference? Yes I think I’ve noticed a few positive aspects, one I seem to be walking faster, two I have more energy, and three I do believe I may be losing a bit of weight. Hip Hip Hoorah. Though this could be due to my enforced diet, aka Gallbladder problem. Am I fit enough to survive in a Hunger Games scenario? No. Definitely not. But it’s a start, and a start is better than nothing. Anyway I don’t have the killer instinct to survive for more than a second in the Hunger Games. I’m a pussy cat, the best I could do would be a scratch, and a hiss, and a bit of feline stretching, that’s it.

I’m quite proud of my multi tasking. On the way to the gym, I read, and make notes on the bus. I must look like this nerdy book person. Well that’s ok because I suppose I fit that description quite well. Today I was reading Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell. I was so engrossed, Eleanor and Park is just cute, CUTE, C-U-T-E, C – U – T – E, and for that half an hour I felt I had been transported back to the late 1980’s. Yes I remember The Smiths, Joy Division, Miami Vice. It brought back a flood of memories. It was wonderful, so wonderful that I nearly missed my stop. Fortunately I looked up and had this panicky moment when you kind of don’t know where you are and think that you’re way beyond where you should be, but it was ok, I hadn’t missed my stop. If I had missed it that would have been a nuisance as the next stop is the hospital and I didn’t fancy going there. I went there last week for a scan, upper abdomen – yes gallbladder issue. So there’s no way I fancied ending up there again. No. Once was enough. It was messy, gel all over my tummy. While I was lying there I had a bit of a nostalgic moment. The last time I had gel over my tummy I was pregnant and that was a long time ago. Happy times, funny how these kind of things bring back all sorts of memories.

Anyway, getting back to my gym session, I did my workout, ended up in the pool. It was busy, very busy, not surprising really when you consider that today is a bank holiday. So I had to avoid the other swimmers. Tricky. There was definitely this ripple effect. Too many bodies, the water was getting out of control. I prefer it when it’s quiet. Though I like the sauna and steam room when they’re busy as it’s great for eavesdropping. Yes, I admit it, I’m a terrible eavesdropper. I think it is almost compulsory if you’re a writer. You just can’t help yourself. It’s amazing what people will say in such an enclosed space, especially considering that they know that there’s just no way that people aren’t listening in. So I think it’s fair dues to blog about it. One time I was in a sauna, and these two men were chatting, confessing. One of them was admitting that he used to go to the gym without paying – not LA Fitness – I hasten to add, but some other gym. He kept doing it until he found God. Then he stopped. From this point on the conversation changed. God was mentioned a lot. A heap of a lot. I almost felt like he was in there with us in the sauna, purifying our sins with the sauna heat. Well the heat got too much for me, so I had to go. I left those two guys praising God, in the sauna. It reminded me of a comedy sketch. It was just so bizarre. I hope this doesn’t offend anybody, I’m not religious myself, but I do believe in respect, respect for other people’s views. So if I’ve offended anyone, I apologise.

Let’s see, what was I talking about, oh yes, waves. The waves reminded me of a story my dad told me, another swimming pool tale. He used to go to Portobello baths when he was a young lad. I expect there might have been a sign like this one:

Does anyone pay attention to those signs. I doubt it! They had a wave machine. He loved it. The waves would bounce him around and he had an excuse to collide with all the pretty girls! The girls pretended they needed saving and well he was happy to oblige. He played the part of a life guard. He hasn’t changed much, he still appreciates the ladies, nowadays at the age of eighty-five he gets a kiss at the end of his golf matches! My mum knows, she indulges him. Good on him, I say, why not. Life is too short not to enjoy it. Believe me.

Photos – Google images.

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Your message has been sent

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: